Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-09-2010, 12:48 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

I went through an "is this really ok for me to want?" stage, for sure.

I heard the "you're being greedy" and "you just want to have your cake and eat it too" things.

What it comes down to is that if you can successfully maintain a loving committed relationship with two or more people and everybody be content, then you deserve that - it's not like it's easy. Because these people are poly they are not being "taken off the market" when it comes to monogamy - chances are they weren't ever ON the monogamous "market" anyway, so it's hardly being "greedy". And, because they are poly, they can still have other relationships.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2010, 02:41 PM
EugenePoet EugenePoet is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 145

Off-topic: LR writes "I drink 4 freaking cups-measurement cups, of prune juice a day!" Hey, I tried adding flax-seed meal to my morning oatmeal but had to stop because it blasted through me like a Maserati. More dietary fiber than burlap.

Back now to your regularly scheduled topic.
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2010, 08:13 PM
CFstasha CFstasha is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Chicagoish, IL
Posts: 21

I think I'm entering this stage myself. While I snuggled my husband last night, after he not just agreed but SUGGESTED I fly out next week to visit Shiny New Boyfriend and my girlfriend-in-law for a professional development thingamajig in their area, I asked myself why I needed more, and whether it was fair to him. It haunted me until I fell asleep.

I think the thing that's bothering me is I don't "need" more, but if I don't "need" it, then why (a) should I deserve it and (b) does the idea of not having it ('it' being the freedom to be with SNBF) make me so incredibly sad? Couple that with the guilt of being so incredibly happy while a couple people in my life are watching very long-term relationships crumble rapidly and unexpectedly, plus the cherry on top of having no one to really talk to about it…

Yeah, I feel like an asshole.

I already wear the "selfish" badge with pride now, after years of dealing with it from being childfree, but it's never been angled as a judgment on how I feel for my husband, and that makes me feel really uncomfortable, to think I'm taking something away from him

But I have to remind myself that it's all in MY head. My husband's supportive — DUH, he keeps making that perfectly clear with his actions over, and over, and over again. He's happy I'm happy and I think he likes seeing me in love. Plus, bonus, he's reaping the benefits of the lovey energy. And, quite frankly, I'd have to be acting like an asshole to be an asshole. There would be manipulation involved. Possibly an ultimatum and lots of awkwardness and deception. But we're simply communicating about this just as we communicate about buying a sofa or deciding where to go for dinner. It's just another element in our relationship.

As my girlfriend-in-law likes to say, "don't look for trouble; it'll find you well enough on its own damn time." These days, this is becoming my mantra.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 10:18 PM.