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Old 03-04-2014, 02:36 PM
Snic85 Snic85 is offline
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Default My poly experience....

My husband and I decided to " open" our marriage about 4 months ago. We have been together 9ish years and married 6 1/2. I'm not sure what our reasons were, but they have changed as things progressed. At first I think for my husband it was about having a variety in the bed room. For me I missed dating and the excitement of getting to know people, don't get me wrong, sex was a small part of it. We met pretty young, I was 18 and he was 22. Neither one of has had experienced many relationships/partners.

I am starting this after the end of my first poly experience, so things may not be in order. I thought this would be a good way to process things and share my experiences.
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  #2  
Old 03-04-2014, 03:55 PM
Snic85 Snic85 is offline
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Talking My first poly relationship....

I met him on okcupid. I'll call him E and my husband W. After talking to several guys, he was the only one that I connected with and was willing to meet. On our first date we went out to dinner. I was so nervous I'm pretty sure that I was shaking. I've never been on a date with someone that I didn't know from work, school, or friends. After dinner we went back to his place after buying some liquid courage. I know..... Not the best idea after first meeting someone. After a few drinks I felt much better and more comfortable. I finally relaxed and got comfortable.
I knew he wanted to kiss me, but I wasn't ready. I haven't kissed another man in 9yrs! After a few attempts he finally got me, and it was great!

PERFECT TIMING....RIGHT?
Just a few days after my date with E, I found out that is was pregnant with my husbands child. I was freaked out. I was going to go back on birth control before getting sexually involved with anyone else. I didn't know how to tell E. I was afraid that he wouldn't want to see me anymore. I finally told about a week later. To my surprise he was perfectly okay with it.
After that we texted every day and had a date night every Monday.

I could feel myself getting closer and closer to him. It felt like it was so right. He was easy to talk to and seemed to really understand. I felt like we where on the same page, that we wanted the same things, and had the same values. He made me feel so comfortable.

SEX
The first time we had sex it was a little awkward. But, the closer emotionally we became and more comfortable we got, the better the sex was.

ATTACHMENT
I was trying so hard to hold back emotionally. I've never been hurt by another guy and didn't wanna start now. I expressed my concerns to E, and he pushed me to open up and let him in. He assured me that he would be gentle with my emotions. I could tell that he was falling for me and I was falling for him.

SAYING THE "L" WORD
At one point he made it obvious that he loved me and that he wanted to say it, but I pretty much talked him out of saying it even though I felt the same way. It was my way of protecting myself from getting too involved and getting hurt.

I finally decided to let him in. The trust was there the feelings was there, so I decided that I was going to take a chance with E and let him inside. It felt great to open up and I felt even closer to him. The sex kept getting better. It felt like it was more than sex. It felt like he meant every kiss and every touch. It was meaningful and left me craving more.

As my relationship progressed with E, I could see myself with him long term. I wanted him completely involved in my life. I wanted him to meet my husband, my daughter, and be there for the birth of my baby. I wanted him to be a part of our family, I wanted another husband.

SOCIAL NORMS.....
Unfortunately, I don't think that E, myself, or my husband would ever come out to our families. I know E wished that we could some day be a family, but due to Social norms, I think he wanted me to be his. He talked about what if I met you before W? We both struggled with figuring out how our relationship should be.

ISSUES...
I caught E in some lies. To me honesty means everything!!! When asked about these lies, he flat out lied to my face till I told him how I knew. I was devastated I trusted him. After talking I realize that he has some issues that he was hiding. I knew about his depression, his divorce, and family, but I had no idea that his self-esteem was so low and he has little to no respect for himself. To make things worse he dealt with it in an unhealthy way. He relied on others to boost his self-esteem and make him feel better. Even with these issues I was willing to stay with him while he worked on them. All I asked in return was for his honesty.

Last edited by Snic85; 03-04-2014 at 04:02 PM.
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Old 03-04-2014, 04:41 PM
Snic85 Snic85 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Unhappy The breakup

A week after the lies he dumped me by text message. He didn't even have the balls to do it in person. I was not only devastated but shocked. I never saw it coming. Things were great till a week ago, at least I thought so. His excuse was he needs to work on himself before getting into a "deep" relationship like ours and that he didn't want to hurt me again. And some other BS about how he can't be the guy that I deserve till he works on himself. I just don't know how he can say the things he did in the last week and then just throw us away like it meant nothing. He said things like "I'll do anything not to loose you." And talked about how much he loved me, then days later dump me. WTF!? How can you dump someone over a text after saying those things and more.
Why isn't he willing to continue our relationship while he works on his issues? Our relationship seemed effortless, he could turn to me for support. I'm willing to be there for him.

The thing that hurts the most is how I trusted him and let him in. He knew how I felt about opening up. I honestly feel like our whole relationship was a lie, everything he said was a lie.
I told him I'm not one to break up and get back together, so if he ends it it's for good. That is how I feel, but if he tries to come back soon I don't think I could say no. I miss his kiss, his touch, and his voice so much it hurts. I miss talking to him having someone to talk to that gets me.

I wonder if this is just as difficult on him as it is on me, if he really did care, if he was telling the truth. I want to know how he is taking it, if he misses me just as much.

I do hope he can move past his issues. If he can I know that he will make someone very happy one day. I know that he is an amazing person and I wish he could see that for himself.

Last edited by Snic85; 03-04-2014 at 06:03 PM.
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