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  #71  
Old 09-13-2013, 02:53 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Quote:
Kind of like a "Living Will" - the clause only kicks in if someone is actually incapable of speaking for themselves. The "minder" role is a safety-net of last resort - for if I screw up and let myself go too far. Under usual circumstances the "minder" role never comes into play and he would just be the "designated driver".
Again... maybe he knows something you don't about her in her subspace. She may not be capable of speaking.

Maybe this could help you see a taste of that side of it.

http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/s..._subspace.html

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-13-2013 at 03:01 PM.
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  #72  
Old 10-02-2013, 03:21 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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OMG...so much has happened since my last post I forget where I even am in the story...we got off on the BDSM tangent.

I'll have to fill out the details later but...long story slightly shorter: Dude seems to have found himself a girlfriend. We'll call her Lotus. AND...she is awesome! Married, Bi, Poly and just my age (and SO sexy).

Longer Version: He had been txting/writing to her while talking to the first two girls on OKC. They have several interests in common (which I don't share, but MrS does) and we ALL have other interests in common.

First Date - Their first "date" was a little different in that it was a group thing - Me, MrS, Dude, her, and a (male/partnered/mono) friend of Dude's from previous posts (his girlfriend couldn't come). We all went to dinner, concert, out for snacks, and then to her place to talk long into the night (her hubs was asleep). They didn't even kiss but lots of dancing, touching, sitting close. Both agreed that there was enough interest there to get together again.

Second Date - ALSO not solo. This time just the four of us for dinner and out for drinks after. Interestingly enough, I ended up meeting her mom and she met my parents as we collected everyone for dinner. (We teased Dude that he'll have to just let my parents be his "stand-ins" since he doesn't talk to his own.)

Third Date - STILL not solo. Another concert, this time with the four of us and her husband, who we will call TT. Dinner, concert, then back to their place. MrS ended up crashing but the rest of us ended up drinking, playing and fooling around and ... etc. etc. She and I ended up talking and bonding - no issues there.

...unfortunately at this point Dude (who has no filter) tried to start a conversation at, what I felt, was an inappropriate time (i.e. everyone worked up, excited, mostly drunk, not clear headed...more later) and we ended up having a huge disagreement (at least on MY side - he was clueless about how upset I actually was, long story).

Anyway - after the Third Date, MrS and I ended up going home and Dude stayed at Lotus/TT's house for the next day or so...(yes, sex happened)

Dude came home and we worked our stuff out (Thank God!)...over a couple of conversations.

Anyway, Fourth Date - this one actually solo - TT being out of town. Dude went up to Lotus's house Sunday afternoon and stayed through today.

**********

Obviously , this is really early in the game but four "dates" in 4 weeks with 2 sleepovers and everyone doing fine seems ... good.

She and I seem to be developing a flirty-friend/FWB dynamic while both really interested in seeing how things develop between her and Dude as the main focus. They both say that, basically, they are interested in finding an OSO for a LTR, neither seems interested in casual dating once they are poly-saturated.

She and MrS get along just fine (OKC rates them the highest match actually - she's 99% with MrS, 97% with me and 96% with Dude - another source of teasing.)

I'm curious as to how her husband feels about the dynamics developing....he's the hardest for me to read and I don't know much about the history there yet. I'm happy to play with him as part of a group thing (I'm fine with casual fun sexy times) but don't see that developing into anything.

*****************

On a side note, she also happens to be a Pro-Domme. Given the recent conversation here I feel like I now have an "in" to explore and ask questions on a personal level. I find it funny that I am intrigued by the whole "kinky" scene just because of my exposure via poly and Dude ends up dating a Pro-Domme randomly. (Despite living in a BDSM "house" for a while he doesn't ID as kinky either - but has had much more exposure than I have...hence the earlier conversation/confusion.

**********

This is probably too long and incoherent...but I wanted to give you all an update. I haven't been posting much because life has been INTERESTING!

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #73  
Old 10-23-2013, 08:19 PM
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Cherrypie725 Cherrypie725 is offline
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I just read your blog " the journey" from start to finish and some of this blog's posts... I LOVE them! Although your transition to being "with" Dude while maintaining your marriage with MrS seems fraught with more turmoil that my current situation so far... I shared a lot of the same moments... including G calling me a jackass.and me feeling like one... anyways it's not often in my life that I feel like someone understands me and is on the same wavelengthbut your story really resonates with me. I hope you keep blogging and thank you so much for sharing your story I doubt you know how truly helpful it is.

-Cherry
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  #74  
Old 01-23-2014, 04:35 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted in this thread...

Been kind of swept up in incorporating Lotus into our lives, I think. (Some group NRE at play )

It's been over four months and the multiple tiers of the "polymath" have been growing and learning and evolving.

I was talking to Dude the other day and it seems like this "relationship tangle" includes a lot of "firsts" - Dude's first experience being a hinge, my first experience being a metamour, Lotus's first poly "boyfriend" (as opposed to FWB?). I actually am quite proud of how smoothly things have progressed.

Intermixed with all of this has been a number of medical things to deal with. MrS (who has a dental phobia) had a tooth issue to deal with...as did Dude (who has a needle phobia). In December I had to have a minor medical procedure due to an abnormal pap (MrS went with me). Earlier this month Dude found a lump in my right breast and I had to go for a mammo/usn and Lotus went with me (no worries, only a cyst).

Just this week - Lotus got bad news back on a biopsy she had done and had to go back for a more significant procedure. She asked for all of us to come spend time with her the night before so the boys packed up the dogs (and a change of clothes for me) and we all met up at her place for cuddles and comfort. I had to go to work today but the boys (and dogs) stayed at her place while her hubby took her to the procedure.

I read a lot of posts on this forum about "what if I NEED someone...and they aren't available" - but for us it seems like one of the added benefits of poly is that there is ALWAYS someone available. Someone to go to a dentist/doctor/testing appt, someone to take care of the dogs, someone to cover the expenses, etc. Everyone willing to step up to the plate...I am blessed to have such people in my chosen family.

Tonight I am home alone sans boys, sans dogs...and I am fine - GOOD, in fact. Holding down the fort (with a bastard cat to help) and glad that Lotus has the support she needs right now. Only wishing I could be with her/them...
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #75  
Old 01-25-2014, 03:13 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Have I mentioned lately how perfectly adorable my husband is sometimes?

*******

So, last night the boys and dogs came home after spending a few days at Lotus's (and TT's) house - supporting and comforting her though her procedure and fears.

MrS is giving me an "I'm home!" hug...as we are pulling apart (so I can go greet Dude)... his face lights up in this astonished happy GRIN: "She kissed me!" (If he was a wiggler, he would have wiggled - if I was a 'puter-savvy chick I would put a clip here of that scene from "The Princess Bride" where Buttercup kisses the king and says "...I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite. " - and the king turns and says to his wife "...She kissed me!..."

I hug him again - he is SOOO CUTE - "Like, did she kiss you 'good-bye'..." (she has been working up to getting him used to this) - "... or did she "kiss you" - kiss you?" "She KISSED me!" "Did she kiss you all warm and soft and sweet and ...?!" His eyes go wide, and he nods - all smiles, and astonished-like. (I wiggle for him, give him an extra squeeze and go to greet Dude).

******

(I don't really know why MrS is always so surprised when sexy girls want to be with him...it's not like it's that uncommon...he's just so oblivious sometimes!)

******

For the record: kissing Lotus is a special treat in "extra-sexy". Harkens back to my first experience kissing a girl (MrS's ex-GF, SweetPea, that sexy little harlot!) - and how wonderful, and different (to kissing boys) it was. Soft, warm, vulnerable, sweet, intoxicating...and SOOOO...feminine - you can just melt into kisses like that!

Life is Good!
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 01-25-2014 at 03:26 AM.
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  #76  
Old 02-06-2014, 10:55 AM
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roman roman is offline
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Hi JaneQSmythe,

I've just finished reading the "historical" part of your lifestory here on the polyamory forum and found it a very good read indeed. The replies of some other members that you should make it into a book is completely justified (Being Belgian myself, that one reply with the threat of buying all the Belgian beer if you wouldn't start writing is much fun: we have over a 100 breweries, which produce about 2400 different beers (http://www.belgabeers.com/en/61-how-...eers-are-there)).

Thank you for sharing and for the degree of honesty you've achieved through your life (with, inevitably, a nasty mistake to trigger it) I find your account very usefull and probably will use the insights it gave me (not the actual events) to mold the character around for my book.

I look forward to read this blog as well!
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  #77  
Old 03-04-2014, 01:55 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Thanks for the link roman - I have tried a good number of Belgian beers (a few hundred?) but still have a LOT to try it looks like.


*****

Random thought:

The boys will sometimes collude for their (and my) enjoyment. For instance, one will ask me to reach for something or pick up something that gets my bum within pinching distance of the other one...

So Dude got me tonight and MrS gives me a sweet little pinch, and I'm thinking how nice it is that, after 21+ years together, he still gets a thrill out of patting my fanny...

...and then comes the stray thought that, if we were mono, then perhaps that would mean that my fanny is the ONLY one that he could legitimately pinch, BUT, because we are poly and he could be pinching other bums (assuming a consenting derriere ) that fact that he still wants to pinch MINE...priceless!
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #78  
Old 04-20-2014, 10:45 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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So, Dan Savage says he has never been invited to a 5-year poly anniversary (I think I read that somewhere on here)...

Today is Dude and I's "official" 3-year anniversary (from when MrS gave his "blessing" to us ... not including the "jackassery" time from my other blog)...so far, so good, and getting better . I now acknowledge that we have been together for "more that a minute" and we understand each other on a deeper and more meaningful level as time goes by. (NRE is long over and we still love each other as we "really" are.)

Not that I would invite Dan Savage to our anniversary anyway - but a 5 year one is not out of the question .

JaneQ

PS. Our "official" anniversary date is actually an arbitrary day somewhere in the general vicinity of our anniversary that we decided upon last year (two years in) due to a random event that happened this day a year ago. None of us remember the "actual" date ... it was after my birthday, before CrazyGirl's birthday and a few days after MrS wrecked the car.
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #79  
Old 04-21-2014, 02:20 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Happy Anniversary, dahling!!!!

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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #80  
Old 04-21-2014, 02:35 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Happy anniv!

GG
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