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Old 03-01-2014, 03:59 PM
kaduhwin kaduhwin is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 5
Default Open relationship with pick up artist

I'm new to this site and to polyamory as well. I am a 24 year old female who up until very recently, had been single for 6 years. About eight months ago I met an amazing guy and its been one hell of a roller coaster ride since finding out months after meeting him that he did not believe in labels- refusing to have the boyfriend/ girlfriend title and was only willing to partake in open relationships. Initially I hesitated. After a two year relationship with a guy who constantly cheated, and the jealous/paranoid/ snooping traits I picked up along the way, I feared that I would again become engulfed in those horrible emotions. I didn't want to share. But because of the strong connection I felt for him, I decided to just accept it, enjoy my time with him, and the minute I felt I couldn't handle it anymore, end it. Looking back, it was a very naive, selfish idea.

I'm having a difficult time dealing with the idea of his being with multiple people, especially since he is a practicing Pick Up Artist (an individual who trains in the skills of finding, attracting, and seducing women) his success rides on the high amount of successful attempts he has picking up girls. His goal being to have his own dating agency. And I want to whole heartedly support him and his goals but the idea of his actively engaging with, flirting, kissing, and sleeping with numerous girls on a frequent basis, makes me engulfed with feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and anger. And it doesn't help that our "dates" are extremely sporadic- sometimes every two weeks, even though we live walking distance from each other. In my mind, once the weather becomes better here in New York, he will have less time for me, because he'll be out picking up girls...

I've realized my unsatisfaction. And in multiple occasions expressed these thoughts to him, to which he promised he'd make the effort to see me more (hasn't happened). Realizing that the situation would not get better because I have a habit of feeling neglected, I have attempted to end it. And have failed each time since he believes that I can overcome these insecure emotions so long as I tried. That I am ridiculous for wanting a monogamous relationship because humans are not monogamous creatures by nature. Basically, he refuses to let the relationship end.

And I don't know what to do anymore. I love him dearly, and he says he loves me too. But it's been much more difficult than I thought it would be. Its been rather painful. And lately all we do is fight, mostly because of comments I've made about my belief that relationships don't last, and how I could not learn to pacify my jealousy and insecurity...

Please help.
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Tags
jealousy, newbie, open relationship, pickup artist, unsure.

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