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  #221  
Old 02-22-2014, 01:37 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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My first feelings were of confusion and huge relief. Of course, he was blindsided and upset. He wanted to vent and process. So, I listened and tried to support him. Seems she was faking her interest in him, he was too "different," and wanted too much connection, she wanted something more casual. He was pretty upset.

I slept like a log that night and yesterday my sister and aunt and I had a nice day. First, I did Dad's wash and put a meal in the crockpot. Then we girls went out for shopping and lunch and strolling around the downtown of Naples. It's very pretty; altho high end. The actual purchases I made were at the Bealls nearer my dad's condo, and at a Goodwill there. I got 1 pr of shorts and 1 of capris and a nightgown at Bealls-- everything was on sale, and a sexy bathing suit at GW for $3! Yay for retail therapy.

Then we came back to Dad's to recoup for a couple hours. He declined going back out with us to the Naples Beach Hotel which has an outdoor bar, popular for watching the sunset over the Gulf of Mexico. Dad is 86 and really getting out of it. Aunt is almost 79 but totally with it and game for anything. So we girls again went out and had the drink, and sister and I walked a little on the beach after the sun set. I took a lot of pretty pix and was texting the to miss p and Ginger.

Came back to Dad's around 7 for dinner at which he drank too much and was tiresome.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32

Last edited by Magdlyn; 02-22-2014 at 03:14 PM.
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  #222  
Old 02-22-2014, 01:46 PM
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Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my house... miss p was having a 2nd date, finally, with this subbie boy interest of hers. I found out in the evening it went well, sexy/kinky, they had fun.

Ginger had been telling me in the morning he wanted to go see miss p to vent about Buddhist and get support. miss p's date was from 11am to 2pm and that is very early for her, so she napped afterwards and then I got the idea Ginger did go over to her from about 6-9pm. He vented, she cuddled, then I was awkwardly told by both of them that they kissed and got naked and he gave her oral sex.

Once again I was overwhelmed with just too much info. I am bad at being poly! I can't take all this in, all these partners my partners are having. I slept badly and dreamt of murder and riots. sigh...

Today we "girls" drive back across the state to my sister's. Aunt will be with us til Tuesday night, then she flies home to NY and I am staying til next Saturday. I hope things mellow out. I want to enjoy my snowless vacation and try to de-stress.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32

Last edited by Magdlyn; 02-22-2014 at 02:01 PM.
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  #223  
Old 02-22-2014, 02:37 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I am glad that you made it to your destination safely, and I do hope you get to relax and enjoy your time with your family.

You are not bad at poly. You just have had a lot going on. It might be a good thing that Buddhist is gone. It is one less person and one less stressor for you. I do hope Ginger bounces back from it. It happens or has happened to the best of us. At best, you can be a source of support, but if it starts being too much, kindly let him know. I am sorry that it happened to him, though.

Sending hugs your way. Enjoy the sunshine, beaches, and snow free time.
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  #224  
Old 02-22-2014, 03:18 PM
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Thanks, Ry. Of course, I think it's great, for me anyway, to have Buddhist gone. Ginger told miss p he is relieved too, ultimately. He found out how passive aggressive she is, hiding her true feelings under a guise of "kindness" and Buddhist-speak. He claims to be all over her already! But that can't be possible, I'm sure it's just a guy thing.

Time to get my new suit on and go sit by the pool. Maybe even take a dip, the pool is heated.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #225  
Old 02-23-2014, 12:47 PM
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Now, I am back on the east coast of Florida. Yesterday we a a nice hour or so at the pool, got some sun, and I swam as hard as I could, considering my still convalescent state, for a solid half hour. I figured it would help my stress levels.

Then we had lunch in the condo, packed up and bid farewell to Dad. That is a whole other area of stress, he refuses to move to my sister's side of the state, and he really needs more care, but is incredibly stubborn and won't move. He has Asperger's too, is entirely selfish. And he drinks too much. Bleh.

So, we got outa there and had the 3 hour road trip across the state. I had chatted with Ginger in the morning... he seemed a bit stressed out, but the weather was warming, so that was one positive.

I could have fallen asleep in the car, but I wanted to keep my sister company so I kept myself awake chatting with her and Aunt. Once we got to her place, I napped for an hour or so.

Then it was dinner time so we got in the car. Sister's husband was out golfing with their daughter's bf (we'd heard rumors he was going to ask for her hand in marriage, so that was in the back of all our minds!).

Big purple clouds were suddenly piling up, I was taking pix of them, and then my phone alert for severe weather went off! Tornadoes warning just north of us, take cover! But we didn't, we carried on to the restaurant. Living on the edge, us old ladies.

Had a nice seafood dinner. Sister got a text from her h, after 25 holes of golf, boy did ask for daughter's hand. So that was all cute and adorable and my sister was thrilled, she likes boy.

When we came out, the storm had just started, thunder and lightning and a tropical downpour. Exciting!

After that, TV watching and I chatted online with miss p. For some reason our texts hadn't been reaching each other all day. I didn't hear from Ginger, since I knew he was out at the kirtan even if not accompanied by Buddhist. He never did sign onto chat before I went to bed.

So, a more or less peaceful day, and I slept well with enjoyable dreams. The night before I'd dreamt of child murder and riots at the Olympics.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #226  
Old 02-24-2014, 02:34 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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"Stormchaser Mags"...

Glad you made it to, and are enjoying Florida. You missed a couple warmish days up this way, but I'm doubting you really "missed" them, given where you are.

And from this Mono chick, you don't sound bad at anything - lots of stuff going on, lots of emotions, all sorts of hither-and-yon, and at least the situation that got you upset is one in which both people care greatly for you, which ought to help.

Cripes, I feel like a complete problem child sometimes and occasionally go to the "if I only were poly / understood how he/they feel, then I wouldn't be such a ginormous pain" school of thought. Because all poly folks have their shit together all the time, right?

Thanks for being human. This is why I love the blogs - advice boards are good for giving the best advice we can think of. The blog board is us being us, and being imperfect. I can relate much better to that.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids, two cats, one house with many projects.
Chops: My partner of ~3 years. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

My navel-gazing blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
My slightly more polished blog (external): From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #227  
Old 02-27-2014, 03:10 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Thanks for the feedback, YouAreHere. I am human, all right. Gods help me!

I've been in Florida for a week and am very slowly relaxing and regaining strength after all the stress and sickness. Our aunt flew home on Tuesday and Sister and I can relax, let our hair down and just please ourselves. She needed this break just as much as I did! We've been doing a little shopping, beaching, wine drinking, watching our TV shows. We have a lot of the same tastes and sometimes we don't even need to speak. We kind of work together like clockwork, having been close sisters for 57 years!

miss pixi and Ginger miss me, and I miss them, but they both are glad I am down here in the warm sun now that it's back to single digits in Massachusetts!

I've been mulling over my previous bad feelings about Ginger dating Buddhist. I think it was a combination of 2 things: Ginger not being able, or just unwilling, to describe her or their dates in a way that enabled me to enjoy their NRE vicariously (ie: have compersion). Also, I think I had a gut feeling she wasn't right for him, didn't care enough about him, was just somehow too unformed, too casual, too nebulous in her emotions and actions.

Also, there was just too much polysaturation going on!

I wonder what hijinks Ginger will be up to next? Or will we have a mellow period for a while? I wonder if miss pixi will see her subby boy again soon? Or will he be shy and stay away again?

One thing I know, there's not much chance *I* will be dating any strangers anytime soon. That would just be crazy. I wonder if other here feel the same. Your partners' dating is so complicated, it suppresses your own desire to date more people?
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #228  
Old 02-27-2014, 04:57 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I am glad you are relaxing and enjoying yourself. You deserved a break. I have heard about the awful weather in the States. And I thought GB was bad with the constant blustery conditions!

It is absolutely possible that there were some intuitive feelings surrounding Buddhist. If so, those gut feelings were right.

I hope there will be a mellow period with Ginger. He has had a lot of activity going on the past few months, and I can definitely see where polysaturation might have peaked.

If I were in your shoes, I would have no interest in dating right now. The flood, being sick, Ginger's dating conquests, etc. It has been a busy period. Remember you came across some characters and sad cases (attempted suicide, if I remember correctly), when you were dating. Nothing wrong with being saturated or even burned out. You have two great partners, and things might be back on the path to calm.
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  #229  
Old 03-15-2014, 03:05 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I've been back from Florida for 2 weeks now. I dont remember if I mentioned earlier that my first flight from Boston to West Palm Beach airport was delayed and finally cancelled, necessitating spending the night at the airport, after boarding 2 1/2 hrs late and then sitting on the runway for another 2 hours.

My back was already not feeling great after having had to shovel snow almost daily plus move half my furniture to the pod outside because of the flood.

So, after a few days in Fla, my back went way out and it's still healing. As a result I've been having to take it really easy. Well, after a winter of so much stress, sitting and reading a lot doesnt seem so bad. I've had to put a lot of my hobbies and outside interests on hold.

I am able to walk and have sex, I figure those are good for my back.

Ginger hasn't found another new gf yet, but he did go dancing last weekend and ended up dancing with 3 women at once. I know they all found it sexually exciting. One woman is his regular dance partner, one is a newer friend (they met last summer), one was a brand new friend and he friended her on FB when he got home. I've seen them all gushing about what a great time they had dancing with him and each other....

He has told me he wouldnt pursue anything more than dancing with any of them, as it might ruin the dancing.

I know he still goes to OKC regularly and chats up both men and women when someone seems interested or interesting. So I guess it's just a matter of time before he finds someone new... I don't think the lack of real success with Mischa or Buddhist had jaded him any.

miss p still chats with her subbie boy, let's call him Karl. They had a really fun date while I was away. He'd probably be happier having another date with me out of the house... I might arrange that.

I am so uninterested in dating... I have to remind myself why I used to enjoy it, to have compersion for miss pixi and Ginger chatting people up! I'm sure Ginger has it as a sort of hobby, he is interested in women, he just loves women and loves variety. I used to have that curiosity and lust too. I asked miss pixi why she keeps chatting up men other than Karl. She says she really just wants good friends, some people who will drop by anytime, like she used to have in her younger days.

So, anyway, they both love me and lust for me, spend time with me, take care of me and our house, have fun with me. What they do when they aren't focused on me is really none of my business. It's not a threat, just a complication. I hope I can be more graceful if/when Ginger finds a new gf.

The other day, I did 5 star a guy on okc who seemed nice, looked cute, and was poly. Just to keep up with miss pixi and Ginger! lol. He hasnt responded though. Then, the day after that, a guy I apparently chatted with on yim a few years ago emailed me to reconnect. I didn't remember him! He seemed hurt. Even when he sent me a couple pix, I didn't recall him. He says he is married, not open "yet" but has rekindled some kind of relationship with "an old flame." So, almost cheating and now looking to get with me too? No wonder I didn't remember him.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #230  
Old 03-22-2014, 01:56 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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My back is still healing and I am still needing to take it easy. It's kinda tough to not feel like myself, but I guess I just have to accept it. I've been through a lot in the past year and need to regroup, I guess.

That one cute poly guy (nickname PolyGuy) I 5 starred, he did PM me back, we PMed back and forth some, and I read his Q&A's. Turns out he seems to be close to asexual, and of course, that wouldn't be acceptable. I haven't heard from him since my last message, maybe he's intimidated by my sexuality.

Since I answered a few new questions on okc, I started getting messages from interested guys. One of them (HornyOldGuy) seemed OK at first, but he just couldn't stop with the aggressively sexual chat and innuendo, as if it was a foregone conclusion he'd soon be bedding me, and quite possibly bedding my partners as well. Once I requested he tone down the sexual chat, he stopped PMing me.

I think he thinks me being polyamorous means I am hot to trot with anyone, a sexbot or nymphomaniac. Yuck.


So, the above, one too asexual, another too focused on sex. Then there is a 3rd guy, who seems to be somewhere in the middle. Problem is, I don't really find his looks appealing, I can't imagine kissing him! He's nice and all, but seems kind of depressed and lonely, perhaps desperate.

Then I've also gotten the usual one liner messages from about 10 guys in a 3 days, variations on, "You are very beautiful and attractive and seem like someone I would like to get to know," type of thing. Guys, you're so obvious. You get your dick out, look at photos, and increase your excitement by messaging the women you look at, never mind who she is as a person, or whether you share any interests with her at all. What makes them think this is OK?

Anyway, this all reminds me of my long search for a bf before I met Ginger. I think he's enjoying talking to women more than I am enjoying talking to new men, because, face it, women are nicer than men! (Generally speaking.) I've been telling him about my interactions with these new men. Basically, I am bored waiting for my back to heal, but talking to new men is (so far) frustrating and off putting. I'd be better off just reading a book.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32

Last edited by Magdlyn; 03-22-2014 at 02:00 PM.
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