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Old 02-26-2014, 01:43 AM
willowstar willowstar is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 87

My husband and I dont fight a lot. We tend to avoid conflict like the plague. He is NOT good with that kind of emotion. He wears his heart on his sleeve, but if I start to raise my voice at all, even just in a conversation, he stops me and tells me to not be angry... Does not always work or go over well...

BF and I are very different. Have only had a couple large disagreements in the last year we have been together, and one horrendous fight. (Note to self: NEVER text fight again...) He comes from a family where if you dont talk loud, they wont even know you're there. Bickering is just conversation to him. And he can match me and one up me every time. But he and I also talk a LOT. In detail. And we share how we feel about absolutely everything. Even the hard stuff. It is just a very different communication relationship.
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... ~ Dori

Willow ~ 44yo bi woman, married to Bear (formerly known as TB) for 18 years
Bear-Maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
Armadillo (formerly known as BF) - currently out of the picture. Depression is evil...
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Old 02-26-2014, 03:11 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915

I agree with Jane.

We have in-depth discussions with the understanding to take a breather if it gets too heated. DH has never once yelled at me or called me out of my name. The only time I have ever heard him raise his voice--even a little--was when it came to dealing with my ex.

As for me and my style, I am not argumentative. I firmly believe that nothing can be accomplished or heard when yelling is involved. I argue with no soul walking this earth. If an argument begins, I do not entertain it. I have no interest in titty hurt people who cannot handle my bluntness. What I will do is cross my legs, pull out a nail file/sip tea, and wait for whoever it is to calm down and talk TO and not AT me. My mum always told me that no one can argue with themselves, and eventually people will get tired of acting a fool and getting no response. My ex learned that lesson many times over.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.

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Old 02-26-2014, 04:55 AM
BrigidsDaughter's Avatar
BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822

Willowstar, I come from a family similar to your boyfriend. I am loud by nature and nurture. Hubby is an only child. Boyfriend is the younger of 2 boys. Both of them had a single parent. I am the oldest of 6. Thanksgiving dinners include my husband, parents (who got back together in my mid twenties), my siblings and their significant others and children (6 including my son), my ex-step dad and his girlfriend, my ex-step aunt, and my grandmother. Sometimes my cousin, her husband, and their daughter. Imagine trying to be heard in that. As a child, I spent time in foster care and in abusive households, so I have a tendency to either be conflict avoident or insist on having it out right here and now because I don't want to walk on egg shells until the other person is ready to tell me what's wrong. (Lived that way for too long and I'm so done with it.)

That said, I don't believe that relationships are healthy where there are no arguments or disagreements. I feel like in those situations one or more of the people are hiding or holding onto resentments or lack passion.

Last edited by BrigidsDaughter; 02-26-2014 at 05:01 AM.
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Old 02-26-2014, 05:16 AM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

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Old 02-26-2014, 01:14 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757

Disagreements are normal, and for most people so is arguing. Me? I don't fight. To me, fighting is an ineffective and often hurtful communication style. Of course this means I allow my partner(s) to calmly express all thoughts and feelings without taking offense so we can work out the issue. Fortunately, my current partner does the same for me.

I will say it's very taxing to be with someone who is always protecting his or her ego to the point that I don't feel I can trust that person with my issues without backlash. I have had such relationships before; I won't again.
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Old 02-26-2014, 05:19 PM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Crazytown USA
Posts: 1,778

No we don't fight. We discuss, discuss, discuss
done with poly, the end.
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communication, disagree, fight

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