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Old 02-23-2014, 10:20 AM
cali38's Avatar
cali38 cali38 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Sacramento CA area
Posts: 1
Default New & Confused

I've read articles and websites about Poly but I'm having a difficult time right now and so here I am, searching for answers.

A little about me, I'm Tina, 38, married to J for 10 years and up until recently we were monogamous although we have had a couple sexual adventures and we've always been open to new things. About 6 months J told me about polyamory and said he wanted to have a relationship with a friend he'd slept with a few times.

Things had been fine but now they are not. I no longer feel like my feelings are being taken account when he makes plans/decisions. I'm jealous, feel unheard, and I'm frustrated with all of us. It hadn't been like this until after their latest break up/get back together (4th or 5th time).

I honestly don't know if I'm the problem or if my marriage is struggling. I like that he's poly and I want it for myself as well in the future.
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Old 02-23-2014, 07:13 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 12,658

Greetings Tina,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Poly arrangements usually hit lots of bumps in the road in the early days; you can mitigate that by having a sit-down with J, like, once a week. This gives you an opportunity to express your concerns and find out what his perspective is on things.

I hope you guys will be able to work/figure out some things, and that Polyamory.com can help. I believe many people have been in your shoes before, and can relate and give you helpful advice.

Good to have you amongst us.
Kevin T., "official greeter"


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!
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Old 02-23-2014, 08:52 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,401

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. It sounds like you're feelings hurt because your need for consideration and understanding are not being met.

Could you give some examples of things he's done (or not done) that have triggered this reaction? It's hard to give advice when we don't have specifics.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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