Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-15-2014, 10:58 PM
Peoplelover Peoplelover is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: in transition to west coast
Posts: 13
Default Hello!

I'm so new to polyamory I'm not sure how to describe my family. I've lived for almost a year with the man I love and his female partner of 15 years, whom I also love as a person. There is another woman who lives elsewhere who's been involved with them for several years.
I was married previously for 30 years and always monogamous and heterosexual, so this is a brave new world for me. Intellectually, I embrace polyamory, if practiced as it's preached with love, respect, and absolute truth among members. As a mental health practitioner, my observation has been that many people in our culture suffer from loneliness and a sense of isolation/alienation, and polyamory seems an ideal model to create a sense of "tribe." It's more flexible than monogamy and can be adapted to fit peoples different needs and shifting circumstances. Emotionally, however, it's been a harder road for me to travel. I'm hoping this forum gives me a place to post questions and concerns, and hear other peoples ideas.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-16-2014, 12:46 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,204
Default

Hello and welcome!

You actually probably have more in common with my boyfriend than myself - unfortunately he is not present on these forums.

Dude has lived with MrS and I for almost 3 years. MrS and I have been together for over 21 years total (married for almost 18). I'd say, for me, that it took probably 2 years for us to really adjust to the "new normal". We seem to have managed to skip over many of the "newly poly" issues that many polycules experience - which I attribute to the fact that the boys genuinely love each other (in a platonic, "hetero-life-mate", kind of way - they were best friends before poly came into play) and that none of us were truly monogamous in mindset to start with.

Quote:
I'm hoping this forum gives me a place to post questions and concerns, and hear other peoples ideas.
That is what forums are for! Read, share, learn and enjoy!
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (22+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-16-2014, 07:30 PM
Peoplelover Peoplelover is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: in transition to west coast
Posts: 13
Default Questions

Here's my "newbie" status showing: what are polycules? And what does it mean (another thread I read) when they talk about veto power? And what is the standard definition of poly-fidelitous? Also, my family is older, and I wonder what percentage of polys fall in what age brackets? Thanks for answering!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-16-2014, 09:06 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,204
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peoplelover View Post
Here's my "newbie" status showing: what are polycules? And what does it mean (another thread I read) when they talk about veto power? And what is the standard definition of poly-fidelitous? Also, my family is older, and I wonder what percentage of polys fall in what age brackets? Thanks for answering!
"Polycule" is not standard vocab so there is no reason you should know it. I use it to refer to my little network of poly partners and metamours since we don't have an easily defined structure and the diagram of our relationships looks like a molecule.



"Veto power" is where an existing couple agrees that they can shut down the other partner's other relationships if they are uncomfortable with them. If you do a search here for veto you will find a LOT of discussion on this topic. It is often seen as couple centric and unfair to any other partners.

"Polyfidelitous" is a poly relationship of however many people who have agreed to not add any OTHER people to the the relationship.

Age? We are all around 40, but I have seen posters of all ages here - you could post a poll if you are curious - but the posters here are only a small percentage of the poly population - so I don't know if it would be a true reflection.
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (22+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-18-2014, 12:48 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 5,892
Default

Greetings Peoplelover,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Polyamory has lots of potential, but what a steep learning curve, eh? You deserve kudos for being willing to join up here and ask questions. I consider all polyamorists to be "poly newbies;" you never really "master the trade." (My philosophy on communication skills is similar but I promise not to hijack.)

JaneQ has gave excellent feedback and I probably don't need to add a lot at this time. Couple of things about semantics though ... [I know, collective eyeroll by everyone]
  • The word "polycule" seems to be gaining ground; I've seen it used on at least one other forum.
  • The word "polyfidelitous" has, I think, one alternative definition; that is: agreeing that new people can be added to the polycule, but that it's not a quick or easy process, and that unless/until they're added, no one within the polycule will be having sex with them.
  • More semantic info can be found in the glossary thread.
FWIW, my polycule is a hetero MFM poly-fi V ... and we're all in our 40's. But I agree with JaneQ, there's poly people of just about any (adult of course) age.

Glad to answer any additional questions you may have!
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:42 AM.