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Old 02-14-2014, 05:39 PM
corporalunicorn corporalunicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Default in traditional relationship, would like advice

Hello, I am currently in a traditional monogamous relationship with a absolutely wonderful woman who I am totally in love with. She is also very much in love with me and we are both very happy with the relationship. I recently read the first few chapters of a very interesting book on polyamory and It started to make me think more about monogamous relationships and my compatibility with them. I have only been in one other serious relationship besides the one I am in now, and I have always been completely loyal and pretty honest with my partners but I have always found that the idea of being with only one person was manufactured, unnatural and never really made too much sense to me. I have become much less jealous in the recent year, but I still have a long way to go when it comes to dealing with feelings of jealousy. I have never been as satisfied with a relationship as I have with the one I am in now, but I still feel as if I am missing out. I currently have a much higher sex drive than my girlfriend, she goes to great lengths to take care of my physical needs but I feel like I am putting a burden on her and our relationship because of this. I certainly have interest in other women but I would never go behind her back. I find it hard to be completely honest with her about my feelings about other women, as I feel it would hurt her and erode her well found trust in me.

My girlfriend is much more sexually experienced and has been in many more relationships than I have, she is 25 and I am 31. I am a little wary about her past and it does evoke feelings of jealousy sometimes but I feel like I am gaining more control of these feelings over time. She is a spectacular woman, the kind that, when single, enjoys hunting for men to satisfy her desires. She has told me before, that being so serious about our relationship makes her nervous and I have told her the same thing. When she is single and free, she has a much higher sex drive, when she is in a serious relationship she says it becomes less about sex and more about other forms of intimacy. I understand this, but I have a feeling that perhaps monogamous relationships stifle her, much like in the way I feel stifled. She is also very loyal and fiercely jealous of me. We were casually dating for a few months at the start of our relationship and allowed to see other people (which neither of us did) but when one of my friends, who was obviously interested me, kissed me on the cheek in front of her my girlfriend decided she wanted to become exclusive, which I agreed to. I feel like this was a reaction to her feelings of jealously and perhaps not what she really wanted out of our relationship.

I feel like my feelings of jealously have been steadily evolving over time, and one of the things my girlfriend loves the most about me is that I am not jealous of her guy friends and past boyfriends. She has told me how wonderful it feels to be with someone that allows her to be free after having jealous and controlling boyfriends in the past. She gives me a lot of latitude as well, and we both trust each other, although I feel like I trust her and give her more freedom than she does me.

I am very confused and I have many questions, like am I polyamorus? Could she possibly be polyamorus? How do I talk with her about this without upsetting her? I feel like my control over feelings of jealously are to the point where I might be able to be in a poly relationship, but how do I know for sure? I know that her feelings of jealously are not compatible but how could I help her grow so that someday she might be more compatible with polyamory?

I don't want to ruin my relationship so I know I need to be careful and take things slow. I feel like not only could I accept her being with other men, but that it would make me happy to see her free. I want her to have the same complete fulfillment that I long for and the happiness and health that comes with it. I am in no rush to change things, but I feel that in order to keep us both happy our relationship will have to evolve at some point and if it does I want to know how best to facilitate this change so we can remain happy together for a long time.

Hopefully some of you have been through the same thing and have some constructive feedback for me, or perhaps some questions which I would be more than willing to answer if it would help you with giving me guidance.

Thanks in advance!
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