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  #11  
Old 01-31-2014, 04:55 AM
starlight1 starlight1 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: London
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I am wide awake and restless tonight. I really miss cuddles.
I've realised that I really need more intimate time, touches, days with Adasan that I am just not getting. Right now this month we have seen each other twice i believe. Maybe 3 times. Certainly not more than that.

That's just not enough.

So I sent him an email to address the problems. UGH. I understand his life is busy and i'm fourth priority on his list, and he on mine, but i think we need to try a little harder or it's going to end up being friends with benefits and not a real relationship. How can i relate emotionally/mentally with someone who barely calls/texts once or twice a week, and most the time i'm instigating. i have no problem chasing, i mean i make the effort for equal communication, but i do want responses and i want him, more of him, bleh.

I have tried really hard in this relationship to balance my own neediness, but now i feel its perfectly rational as his girlfriend to want to talk once a day, on the phone, not texts! (or skype or something!) I just miss seeing his face, seeing him laugh, seeing him PERIOD. And I really get reassurance from a physical presence and communication that things are ok, that we're ok, and that we're heading in the same direction.

I've been up all night and not able to sleep. Doesn't help I've been under the weather the past few days.(Cold sore throat) At this rate no point in sleeping at all as girls have to be up for school soon. I may as well start breakfast early!


I'm just really confused by this relationship as it's very different from any other relationship i've ever had. What has been normal in the past is men who wanted to push themselves on me hard and fast, and i had to take my time deciding what i want and go at a slower pace, this is the first time dating someone at the same pace as me, who takes his time and goes with the flow like me. so if we both go with the flow, who initiates? lol.
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Starlight1- 29 bi-sexual female

shooting star and rosebud - children of Starlight1

Rocky - ambiguous relationship (FWB) poly curious

Lily- new casual dating friend with benefits

Siren and Gale - best friends couple who were poly in past but now monogamous

Irishcoffee- cuddle buddy, poly best friend with cuddles and lots of laughs


"When you give from a place of love, rather than expectation more usually comes back to us than we could ever have imagined."- unknown
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  #12  
Old 02-04-2014, 03:08 AM
starlight1 starlight1 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: London
Posts: 37
Unhappy Shifting Sands

Sigh.

A lot has happened since my last post. Relationships are so hard to maintain when the other person doesnt want to. I was in a really good relationship for december with Adasan, and then january, no communication.
Then out of the blue he says he wants to end it.
I mean. I sort of see it coming but not really.

All I wanted was for him to open up to me and include him in his life and he didnt want to. He didnt want to invite me to meet his family. He didnt want me to meet his friends. He closed off and backed away.

I am glad I saw this sooner rather than later because, clearly he wasnt that into me.

So, now i'm left feeling sad. I mean I know it was the right thing to do, but I still cared a great deal for him and my heart hurts. I have learned a lot of lessons from this relationship...and now its time to move on. Maybe take some time out from starting realtionships, and focus on me and what poly is and making friends.

My heart just hurts. We had amazing experiences together and now we won't anymore.

I have talked to other people about the positives and spent all day talking about postives. But here in te middle of the night, I know that I wanted a normal healthy relationship and I chose another dud. Real relationships work on a steady foundation not just sex. I was his FWB not a girlfriend. And I am worth more than that. I know I am. I just hurt because now I've lost all that hope I invested in.

And time and energy. I just don't know if I can keep doing this. I think I need time to process this to grieve. So, I will. I'll just be with my emotions and grieve.

Being solo is HARD sometimes.
__________________
Starlight1- 29 bi-sexual female

shooting star and rosebud - children of Starlight1

Rocky - ambiguous relationship (FWB) poly curious

Lily- new casual dating friend with benefits

Siren and Gale - best friends couple who were poly in past but now monogamous

Irishcoffee- cuddle buddy, poly best friend with cuddles and lots of laughs


"When you give from a place of love, rather than expectation more usually comes back to us than we could ever have imagined."- unknown
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  #13  
Old 02-08-2014, 11:00 AM
starlight1 starlight1 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: London
Posts: 37
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I'm trying to figure out what is lacking in my life, that I feel i NEED a relationship, rather than just want one.
I've been single before, and didn't feel this intense NEED i feel right now.

It's a new concept for me.
I have been dating, and trying dating different people for awhile now, november I think, before that I had about 8 months hiatus, after again, dating a lot of different people and nothing working out.

I find it exhausting to try and push this issue as clearly with kids and my self employment business it's probably not the best time. Maybe taking a break from pursuing relationships is a good idea. Some break ups were mutual, some were me, some where them, so i dont feel particularly needy..though perhaps I come across that way just because i'm super determined and when i want something i go at it 100%. Also i am in major transition this summer with a move to another country with my girls, so i think relationships will have to take a back burner for awhile.

I also ran myself too thin lately, between education, work, and kids, i had precious little time to date anyway. And this week my youngest got sick with tonsilitis, canceled on future date plans, as she had a temp of 104. It was craziness. So yeah I'm thinking now's not the time to do this poly thing.

I am feeling at peace with this decision and hope that I can continue forward positively from here. I will keep you all informed on how it goes, and if i ever figure out if i'm poly or not.

__________________
Starlight1- 29 bi-sexual female

shooting star and rosebud - children of Starlight1

Rocky - ambiguous relationship (FWB) poly curious

Lily- new casual dating friend with benefits

Siren and Gale - best friends couple who were poly in past but now monogamous

Irishcoffee- cuddle buddy, poly best friend with cuddles and lots of laughs


"When you give from a place of love, rather than expectation more usually comes back to us than we could ever have imagined."- unknown
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  #14  
Old 04-05-2015, 03:53 PM
starlight1 starlight1 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: London
Posts: 37
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Well, reading these last posts from myself have derailed my origin thoughts. So much has happened this last year since that post. I have healed on many levels that allows for true intimacy and relationships and not superficial or needy ones.

I am successfully dating in the poly world and with the loss of labels and expectations comes a maturity and clarity towards life and myself, as well as what healthy relationships look like. For the first time in my life I now have multiple layers of friendships, relationships, families and lovers and I feel expansive and wonderful. It is a much healthier place to be.

And people I truly know have my back for many years, and aren't just passing through, and if I meet someone who is that's ok too.

I finally explored my bisexual side with women properly, and was amazing and intimate. I also opened up and redefined, or undefined, my relationship with a man who we were together monogamously for 8 months. Then he broke up with me and now he asked me back. However between the breakup and now, I started actually going to poly meetups and dating a woman who is bi and poly too, and we are going out again this week. So I approached the ex with this news telling him if he wanted me back in his life he would have to accept my poly curiosity and exploration and how did he feel about it? He told me he was relieved for me to see other people and I feel better for speaking my truth and him voicing his. We decided to leave the relationship ambiguous until after my trip to America. I was originally going to move back but instead stayed in uk. Now my business has taken off and I am a busy bee, and I have a strong network of friends, and friends who are like family. As well as extended family in the West Country. Life is extremely good now I must say. Very peaceful and productive.

I am very happy with the relationship(s) so far and life is good. I am also thrilled at the new level of openness and honesty with Rocky. I think life is a roller coaster and I enjoy the journey right now.
__________________
Starlight1- 29 bi-sexual female

shooting star and rosebud - children of Starlight1

Rocky - ambiguous relationship (FWB) poly curious

Lily- new casual dating friend with benefits

Siren and Gale - best friends couple who were poly in past but now monogamous

Irishcoffee- cuddle buddy, poly best friend with cuddles and lots of laughs


"When you give from a place of love, rather than expectation more usually comes back to us than we could ever have imagined."- unknown
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