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Old 02-08-2014, 06:30 AM
civfan civfan is offline
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 31

Sorry I just started today, I think I should refrain from trying to give out any advice, just man to man talk I get from male co workers all the time.
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Old 02-08-2014, 04:21 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Location: Pennsylvania
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Originally Posted by civfan View Post
Sorry I just started today, I think I should refrain from trying to give out any advice, just man to man talk I get from male co workers all the time.
Your Co workers would be lucky to have any partner if that is the advice they give.

I bet if their wives knew what they said or were present they wouldn't be dishing out such bs.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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Old 02-15-2014, 08:13 PM
Sandy2u Sandy2u is offline
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 8
Default This sounds a bit like us

I lived with my best friend and her family while I was going through a break up and then as a single mom of a two year old. One day we joked about just becoming poly, a few days later we realized we were in love and not joking, and a month later we were a triad, raising three amazing kids together. We both stay home and take care of babies, the house, and eventual livestock. One offhand comment gave me a life I only could have dreamed of, and all six of us are better for it. Good luck.
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Old 02-18-2014, 11:06 PM
Looking Looking is offline
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A quick update, we have been talking “C” very often. “B” awoke yesterday, to feelings of doubt. She was letting “what – if’s” bring her down. She and I spoke about it all morning, which I think helped her somewhat. I then left for work and she spoke to “C” about it all. She wanted to be sure that C knew how she was feeling about this. It started with a text that said “Hey babe I need to talk to you. I am having a rough time today, but I am in no way backing out of this relationship. I just have some concerns.”

The two of them spoke very deeply about reservations that they each have. B opened up about a fear of me and C falling in love and leaving her. C reassured B that she was in no way interested in either her or me without the other. She stated that she was only interested in this relationship if we all five were involved (us 3 and our two children). The answers she gave reassured both, B and I, which C is undoubtedly in this for the right reasons. B was very happy that she spoke with C about this. After their talk, B said “a lot of weight was lifted off my shoulders”.

C then expressed two concerns of her own. The first was about her family. She wanted to keep this relationship from her family, for the time being. Her family is very Christian and controlling of her in some ways. She knows that the news of this relationship will, without a doubt, interfere with relationship with her parents. She doesn’t want to drive a wedge in their relationship, which is completely understandable. We all agreed to keep this from her family and even some of B’s family. Later down the road, when our relationship grows, we will revisit this agreement.

Secondly, C expressed her concern about her. That is, what if one day she falls in love with someone else. B and I had already discussed this before and we relayed to C what we came up with. We let her know that she is not now nor would she ever be a prisoner of this relationship. She reassured us that she was in this relationship 100% and never for a second look for that. I believe that she was wondering in case of “a prince charming/love at first sight” situation arose. We expressed to her that we expect commitment and that cheating would not be tolerated by any of us.

I believe that if any of us become unhappy with this relationship or with others, then that person should leave and find the happiness they deserve and/or desire. On the contrary, I believe that it is the duty of the other two persons to keep each of us happy and re-falling in love with each other.

Having us all on the same page leaves us each with a peace of mind. We are trying to get together and hang out more, but for unnamed reasons we haven’t been able to so. We do speak to each other many times daily.
D = Me
B = Wife

Together for 10 years.
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Old 06-19-2014, 11:09 AM
Trinity Trinity is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 12
Default There she came, galloping around, a sparkly unicorn!

It's a while ago last time I checked this forum (2 years, sorry! :O ). But over here is happening just weird stuff I had to check this forum again.
We are 2,5 years now in our best friends sparkly tease something relationship. But bf and I had to put our feelings in the closet, and only adore our beloved friend.
It is working somewhere, but also frustrating.

And then, there was this sparkly unicorn out of nowhere; what???
Now the fight has begun between a unicorn and a wanna-a-be-unicorn.

I get cautious by it, serious, is this happening? A young woman, beautiful, free, and she is into polyamory relationships; but she wants an even share. Not into us, but we are talking about these stuff. She suprised bf on his birthday and promised she will come over again soon to just crash on the couch, talking, watching a movie, sleeping on the couch with us. Is this real? Serious? She is younger than us, but she seems pretty sincere and honest, just also trying to figuring this freedom of relationships out. What we feel she seems to feel too; we talked about it yesterday; she prefers a real polyamory relationship with a perfect triangle; something what we also feel. She wanted to try with a couple who are a few years younger than us (ohw, and now I'm really feeling old!) but that didnt work out like I suspected; I read about polyamory, and I guess we are pretty close to accepting polyamory but I know a lot of people do not want to share.

And what about the wanna-be-unicorn? She loves to be a unicorn but she cant because of her own relationship. She now demanded a choice, and she has let my bf know that she desires it to be no 1 after me. 2 years we are waiting and craving, we were teased, and left alone with our feelings.
I really love her, adore her, but I also said, I respect her position, I dont want to get anything in between. We just want to be open en free to share this honest feeling of love.

So, I'm not jealous but my dear friend gets jealous when a unicorn comes galloping around?

It's almost fiction, not happening, can't believe it. It was already like a movie scene that we got into something with my dear friend it the feelings do work but the situation does not work.

I'm cautious, I'm not letting in someone just as simple as that, but really, it is like magic! For us it is more the bond and trust than just plain fun and sex. But only the thought of it is breathtaking.
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Old 06-20-2014, 02:10 PM
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graviton graviton is offline
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Old 06-21-2014, 12:47 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Two unicorns?

Congrats, I think. Interested to hear more as things develop.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 12-05-2014, 11:48 AM
ainmosninsomnia ainmosninsomnia is offline
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: oklahoma city, oklahoma. bible belt yo.
Posts: 5
Default "unicorn hunting"

i have really grown to hate this term. not the term unicorn necessarily. it's not inaccurate. magical. hard to find. blah blah.

but we aren't hunting. we are happy on our own. our love is greater than us. isn't that the point?

we don't have a desire for a third because we need to fix something. nothing is broken. we don't want a woman to use for sex. we want the good.. the bad.. the whole relationship. a spiritual connection. whatever that really is.

"couples privilege" is another one that bugs the hell out of me. you know what our privilege is? we have had the privilege of being together for a long time now. that means we are completely comfortable with one another. trust is easier. burps and farts flow freely. nakedness doesn't always mean sexy time. if you are new, this will take time. that's okay. that's what it is all about. it is worth it. this primary/secondary bullshit is ridiculous. aren't we supposed to be the people who are tired of trying to fit everything inside a nice neat little box? we don't want a third for any of those reasons. we don't want to control anyone. we both like women. we both feel attraction toward women. both emotionally and physically. if we find a woman who likes us and we like them - behold! a potential relationship. it may falter. it may fail. just like most of the relationships we have as monogamous or single people. it happens. we aren't all going to get along intimately like that. truth is, most people drive me crazy. drive her crazy. not in a good way. finding someone who doesn't is rare enough. finding someone who vibes right and is down for a triad relationship is even more rare, but when it vibes right, it is beautiful. not for the threesomes.. or the more common - twosomes within the triad. which are also beautiful, but because relationship building is beautiful. understanding another human being is beautiful. seeing their vulnerability. showing them yours. this is an amazing process. the most wonderful moments i have shared in our triangular moments are not the pornhub version of an ffm - but laying on the futon holding each other.. listening to the rain. watching dr. who on the couch. waking up to a snoozing wife and our girlfriend watching cartoons and eating twizzlers for breakfast. these are beautiful moments. those are relationship moments.. and if you have ever felt the love of three people holding each other.. without expectation.. without presumption.. without categorization, but three people.. holding each other. accepting each other as individuals, who for at least a time, can embrace and feel as one... with beauty and power.. and wanting to be near that, and share that with those we love.. that is the truth of the triad. that is the potential. this smashing round shapes in square boxes bullshit is painful to watch. we, of all people, should understand, that sometimes, happiness comes in unfamiliar shapes.

i get tired of my guy friends assuming pimpdom. my female friends assuming patriarchy. then the poly peoples assume couples privilege and unicorn hunting. it is not all sunshine and roses, but for us - it feels natural. it feels right. we aren't swingers. we aren't wide open poly. too complicated. too many people to look after. to care for.

we are "polyfidelitous" and we like women. it is simple really. why is our version of happiness better to judge and condemn than yours? we aren't dishonest, controlling, or only interested in sex. why assume such? we don't believe in primaries and secondaries.. that's ridiculous. how can any successful relationship.. genuine and honest relationship between equals.. exist while maintaining some idea like this comes first and that comes second? if someone enters into a relationship with us, they are 1 of 3. this means their hopes and dreams are now important to us too. their happiness is ours. like any relationship - it is about lifting up the one you're with, so that they may help you rise in turn. we will all be 33.33333333... % of the whole and give 100% of each other to one another.

there's a reason they are called unicorns. they are rare. but who would hunt such a rare creature? who would even capture it? one can only open the door to the paddock, and hope that one compatible saunters in. a unicorn is only "caught" when it wants to be. in other words - a unicorn only stays when it has found home. we want to be home for someone. there is no hunt in that. only hope.
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Old 12-05-2014, 12:14 PM
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FallenAngelina FallenAngelina is offline
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Originally Posted by ainmosninsomnia View Post
....this means their hopes and dreams are now important to us too. their happiness is ours. like any relationship - it is about lifting up the one you're with, so that they may help you rise in turn. we will all be 33.33333333... % of the whole and give 100% of each other to one another.

This is a lovely concept in a beautifully well written and thoughtful post. I don't really subscribe to the monkey social hierarchy model, either, but I do understand the purpose, which is to maintain social stability and peace of mind for all involved. Simply loving people without ascribing status to one another is the rarest unicorn of all.

Welcome to the forum. Looking forward to hearing more from you.
~ Karen
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Old 12-05-2014, 01:39 PM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Location: Crazytown USA
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Yep, finding a single woman who is okay entering into a relationship with an established couple and not being able to have a partner of her own and have the same feelings for the male and female of the couple is rare. It's also rate that s couple treats the unicorn as an equal partner and the don't have couples rights. I wonder who gets dumped when it's not working out for one of the couple. Do tyre just accept now they are in a polyfidelitous vee? Usually not. It's the unicorn who likely gets the boot. It's the unicorn nit on the lease, not on the bank account, not included in extended family function, left out at work functions, not allowed to have a child. It's no wonder a poly woman wouldn't want to enter into polyfi.
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adding a partner, attitude, expectations, love, one penis policy, opp, polyamory, polyfidelity, triad, truth, unicorn, unicorn definition, unicorn hunters, unicorn hunting, unicorns

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