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  #11  
Old 02-06-2014, 12:45 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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I asked because you aren't poly, your wife is a cheater and you didn't have a poly experience so why go to a poly board and tell people about your non poly experience? Is there a board for people who were cheated on uou can post at?
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  #12  
Old 02-06-2014, 01:14 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Originally Posted by Cohagen View Post
Why? Offering a different point of view based on personal experience. Sure it's not sunshine and lolli-pops but it's valid none the less. Any other questions? (not trying to be sarcastic, but willing engage in civil respectful debate.)
You seem to miss the fact that none of us on this board condone cheating. Cheating is not polyamory. Ethical non-monogamy means that all of the players in the relationship are informed from the get go AND consent. Your wife did none of these things. She cheated, plain and simple. She can call it polyamory, she can call it sky blue turkey, but what she called it and what she did are two very different things.

If a partner of mine lied to me and cheated, I would be angry too.
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  #13  
Old 02-06-2014, 01:58 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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OP... Your wife would have been ripped to shreds on here regarding her cheating.

No one on here would condone our support her behavior.
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  #14  
Old 02-06-2014, 02:09 AM
LadyLigeia LadyLigeia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
OP... Your wife would have been ripped to shreds on here regarding her cheating.

No one on here would condone our support her behavior.
^^Exactly.

Getting married and having children is a huge responsibility which requires lifelong commitment. Some people, poly and monogamous, do it successfully and others don't. While this forum doesn't condone her cheating, it also doesn't condone your misunderstanding or refusal to accept that we aren't a bunch of degenerates.

To be honest, your case is the exact reason why I'm wary of marriage and refuse to have children. I don't want to deal with that kind of permanence and be forced to sacrifice more time and resources than I have.

I'm sorry that your daughter is suffering from all of this. Polyamory strives for candid communication and consent, neither of which occurred in your case. Nothing pardons her dishonesty, but that doesn't mean we can pardon your disrespect of our collective community. I hope your situation gets better.

Last edited by LadyLigeia; 02-06-2014 at 02:09 AM. Reason: *Elaboration
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  #15  
Old 02-06-2014, 10:49 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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There is such pain in your words. I hope you can find a way to recover soon.

That said, your wife isn't poly and you have not been living a poly lifestyle. Your wife has been cheating on you. Simple as that. It is a horrible thing to do and your hurt is clear.

I don't understand why your wife is now destitute and your daughter is facing life without her mum? I know that you and your wife are having problems getting along but I don't understand why that means your daughter has to suffer?

Sounds like a horrible situation but blaming poly for it makes no more sense than blaming marriage.
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  #16  
Old 02-06-2014, 01:40 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InfinitePossibility View Post
... blaming poly for it makes no more sense than blaming marriage.
I'd say that blaming poly makes much less sense than blaming marriage because at least there was a marriage involved. It doesn't sound like there was anything recognisably poly anywhere near the situation. He might as well blame alien abduction.
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  #17  
Old 02-06-2014, 01:48 PM
london london is offline
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I do think that cheating gets discussed as "just" a way people discover polyamory rather than a common way that continuously taints the relationship and undermines informed consent.
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  #18  
Old 02-06-2014, 02:58 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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We do all have our ups and downs but for most of us things don't go horribly wrong. For many of us being poly works really well and makes for more authentic relationships. Your wife cheated and then tried to justify it, that's so far from what poly actually is. Poly is all about communication and consent and valuing the feelings and being gentle with all your partners. (and metamours)
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  #19  
Old 02-07-2014, 06:13 PM
OnTheCusp OnTheCusp is offline
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Without engaging too much in the conversation, there's a wonderful website: (survivinginfidelity.com) for support for those who have been betrayed. I'm on there myself.

It might be a better and more appropriate place for you to talk about your pain.
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