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  #1  
Old 02-05-2014, 10:58 PM
Cohagen Cohagen is offline
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Unhappy Flirting with disaster

You( any of you won't like this post).

I am survivor of this foolishness you all embrace. Some months back my wife of 12 years got it in to her head she could have a boyfriend and in a totally delusional rational figured I would accept it as the new normal in our lives. Wrong!

She now finds herself homeless and broke without two nickels to rub together. Her bf she called beast no less kicked her to the curb literaly aswell.

I'm not a cuckhold like so many on here. I'm very committed but will not tolerate betrayal.

She called me yesterday to tell me police are watching her now.(She's attempting to be a online hooker.) Ofcourse she's scared and doesn't know what to.

She's wasting her breath expecting any help or sympathy from me. I have full custody of our Nine year old daughter aswell as all assets.

The road to hell is afterall paved with good intentions.

I never abused her, never took her for granted, I loved her with all my heart and never wanted another woman, but once a line has been crossed it can be crossed easier over and over.

She has to accept the new reality she made for herself.

Don't think I'm happy about any of this, because I'm not. My daughters a wreck because of my wife's idiot lifestyle choice and I now endure an unbearable shame and loneness that is beyond words....

Peace too you all. I hope things work better for you as I wouldn't wish any of what/s happened/ing to me on anybody.
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  #2  
Old 02-05-2014, 11:13 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Well, isn't that special. You cite polyamory as the reason she's in her current predicament. However you neglect to take responsibility for your participation in how she got there. Kick her to the curb and then upbraid her for being there, and whine about your shame and loneliness. Hmm, sounds like she's probably better off without you! I hope she's a strong person, so that she will make it through.


BTW, we don't have very many members who are cuckolds here. You know what they say about assumptions...
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-05-2014 at 11:47 PM.
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  #3  
Old 02-05-2014, 11:40 PM
Cohagen Cohagen is offline
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I'm not neglecting a damn thing!

She choose this crap not me(without my consent, sprung it on me after I accidentally found her secret cell phone and all the texts there on it because she left it on the seat of my truck. So no I didn't go digging in her life.)! I lived and died for my family! No sacrifice was too great! When I had nothing left to give I dug deep and gave some more!

I doubt you can claim the same...

A person has to accept the fallout for the stupid shit they do plain and simple!

I'll carry on, I'm tough but my Nine year old daughter has a long road of therapy ahead of her though...Every day she sits with me and cries, it's destroyed her life. Not fair...

Just wait till when things go horribly wrong for you and it will it's only a matter of time you can't escape it. You'll understand where I'm coming from then...

Further more not bashing you or anyone else just shinning a light on harsh dark reality that the bulk of you choose to ignore or think that it won't/couldn't ever happen to me.

I have an unpopular opinion about the poly lifestyle based on painful personal experience but it doesn't make me a hater and it/i shouldn't be silenced for it either just like you shouldn't be silenced for your thoughts/opinions on the subject.

When you start to threaten others who think and feel differently than you do then perhaps you need to re-evaluate what you believe in...and why....

A good point of honest debate about two different schools of thought is the recent broadcast Nye vs. ham creationism vs evolution debate. Two polar opposites came together to present there personal principles. Hell the whole porn and pancakes bit with Ron Jeremy and the preacher is another good example of two different points of view peacefully existing in the same forum.

You want acceptance and respect then offer it in kind.

Learn from the bad.

Last edited by Cohagen; 02-05-2014 at 11:53 PM.
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  #4  
Old 02-05-2014, 11:44 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Well, then. What she was doing is cheating, and cheating is not polyamory.

I saw what you posted in the other thread and it looks like you are bitter and lashing out at people. Poly works well for many of us, and for many families. I am sorry your wife's behavior hurt you and resulted in your kicking her out and stewing in anger. However, if you continue to bash us and call people names like you just did to me here, and in your other post, you won't be welcome to post here anymore. Please review our Guidelines before posting again.

You are obviously in pain, but we do not allow name-calling or flaming here. Do not do it again.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-05-2014 at 11:57 PM.
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  #5  
Old 02-05-2014, 11:48 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I'm very sorry you caught your wife in a cheating affair and she called it "polyamory." That isn't ethical polyamory to me. That's plain ol' cheating. I'm sorry you deal in this.

Cheating on agreements can happen in any shape relationship -- mono-shape or poly-shape.

Quote:
Peace too you all. I hope things work better for you as I wouldn't wish any of what/s happened/ing to me on anybody.
I wouldn't wish a cheating affair on anyone either. Again, I'm sorry you are dealing in this kind of hurt right now.

You mention therapy for daughter -- I hope attending family therapy is local support in the way that you both need it right now.

I hope over time you and your child can find more ways to express appropriately to safe, local people and heal from this experience.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 02-05-2014 at 11:57 PM.
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  #6  
Old 02-06-2014, 12:08 AM
Cohagen Cohagen is offline
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I haven't called anyone names or flamed anyone either. I'm just saying this lifestyle isn't the rose garden you and so many may think it to be. I read quite a few poly blogs where people have written about things going very very bad. usually husbands getting quite bent out shape and children suffering for it.

My wife flat-out called it poly to my face told me everyone does it these days and that's how it's going to be and I had to accept her desire for this other guy and I told her to her pack-up and be gone when I get back in a very calm and non threatening way. I refuse to be violent with women in any situation.

I answer every boo hoo poor me phone call she makes and i listen to her but I tell her gently you made your choice now deal with it like a grown up I can't help you anymore.

If any of you can make it work or pull it off bully for you.
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Old 02-06-2014, 12:10 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Why are you on a poly board?
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  #8  
Old 02-06-2014, 12:14 AM
Cohagen Cohagen is offline
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Why? Offering a different point of view based on personal experience. Sure it's not sunshine and lolli-pops but it's valid none the less. Any other questions? (not trying to be sarcastic, but willing engage in civil respectful debate.)
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  #9  
Old 02-06-2014, 12:38 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
My wife flat-out called it poly to my face told me everyone does it these days and that's how it's going to be and I had to accept her desire for this other guy
Sounds like her trying to "whitewash" her poor cheating behavior by painting it in "polyamory colors" and blame shifting it away with the excuse that "everyone does it" -- so she doesn't have to own her poor behavior.

You are correct. Polyamory does not work for everyone.

You are also correct -- Some people go into poly relationships fully aware of the risks, and some people jump in.

Some people cheat and when caught call it polyamory. It isn't. It is cheating.

Quote:
I told her to her pack-up and be gone when I get back in a very calm and non threatening way. I refuse to be violent with women in any situation.
It is understandable to be angry and resentful at your wife's poor behavior. She broke your trust. I can imagine you will probably go through a whole lot more too as you figure out your next steps and solve problems.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 02-06-2014 at 05:37 AM.
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  #10  
Old 02-06-2014, 12:44 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cohagen View Post
I haven't called anyone names or flamed anyone either.
Yes, you did. You called me a dipshit before you edited it out and I sent you a warning. You called polyamory "crap" and a "moronic choice." In gorgeouskitten's thread, you called her stupid and made up "proven facts" about polyamory and STDs, drug use, and which are clearly false. These are all ad hominem attacks and flaming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cohagen View Post
A person has to accept the fallout for the stupid shit they do plain and simple you dipshit!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cohagen View Post
Quit being so stupid and selfish and for once see the big picture and protect your children from the unimaginable pain that headed there way because of moronic choices you made/make.
Why did you edit out the part explaining that your wife cheated on you? She called it poly, but it was cheating. Polyamory is not the source of your problem; the dishonesty and her betrayal are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cohagen View Post
She choose this crap not me(without my consent, sprung it on me after I accidentally found her secret cell phone and all the texts there on it because she left it on the seat of my truck. So no I didn't go digging in her life.)! I lived and died for my family! No sacrifice was too great! When I had nothing left to give I dug deep and gave some more!
Have you even tried to find out why she chose the cheating path? What problems were there in your marriage prior to her cheating? Are any of you getting therapy or counseling?

I understand that you are hurting and bitter. But you are also unforgiving and not looking for other possibilities that could be at the root of your wife's change in personality and the upheaval of your marriage. You are very wrapped up in your anger and not seeing clearly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cohagen View Post
This will not end well for you. Your on the absolute fringe. No I'm not a anti-poly bigot just a person firmly grounded in harsh reality. Kids will bring up your "lifestyle" at school and then all hell will break loose as the public at large will see you as unfit parents and degenerate scum, (you ofcourse won't feel that way) sad harsh truth of what awaits any soon to be outted poly parent. Brace your selves it won't be pleasant and yes it will happen nothing you can say or do will stop the on coming storm.

Great you wanna have fun and explore love and pleasure with others but you can't have your cake and eat it to . . . Did you that's it's a proven fact that kids from poly families have 95% higher chance of drug use and teen pregnancy and hiv/std infection? Ofcourse not....your situation is different all will be roses and rainbows.

My wife tried to pull this crap on me and now she's a homeless wanna be online hooker who call's me daily begging for help. The havoc her choice caused our Nine year old daughter is beyond words, her school work/behavior, her self confidence wiped out, to ashamed to play with other children no matter how hard I triy to encourage her to be sociable and over come this mess her mother made of our lives. She can't understand why mommie did what she did and made daddy so sad. Truth be told neither can any member of "her " family. Brothers,sisters aunts,uncles all of them disowned her.

Go figure...No one to blame but herself...
As I told you privately, people here will be willing to reach out to you and direct you to resources, or another forum or online community for people who've been cheated on, if you make an effort to cut out the disrespectful name-calling and the villifying of polyamory itself - and ask for the support you need.
__________________
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 02-06-2014 at 01:46 AM.
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