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Old 02-05-2014, 10:58 PM
JacksonCage JacksonCage is offline
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 11
Default Need advice on what to do about herpes...


First of all, this is my first post. I've been reading this Forum for months now as therapy, to help me cope with my wife's choice to start a relationship with another man and be poly.

As you can probably tell, I'm mono.

This forum has helped me see her side of things more, and slowly come on board with her lifestyle choice. So thanks to you all.

I know I need some more support in other areas, however, one is up now as it's the white elephant in the room.

She is going to see this guy for the first time really soon. They have not had sexual relations yet, and surely plan too when they meet.

When asked about STD's it seems like the guy is pretty responsible...as far as tests and HIV tests go.

However, he did reveal that he has herpes 1 (cold sore kind) and herpes 2 (genital warts kind).

As you know, these don't go away once you have them and are highly contagious. 50% or more of people in the US have type 1 and like 20% have 2.

I am fairly certain I have neither, as I've never had symptoms come up. I know people can be asymptomatic, but let's just assume I am clean in that department.

I also know my wife currently has never shown signs for either.

Even WITH a condom, type 2 is still possible to spread. And type 1 can spread with saliva...even if there is no cold sore present.

So, I am feeling like I am being forced into getting diseases I don't want.

I have no judgement at all about polyamory and what y'all are into. I get it on a mental level for sure. It makes a lot of sense. However, I'm just not interested in it, and I think one reason is that I don't want to have to worry about getting diseases from strangers. (being in this case, her "boyfriend" is a stranger to me)

For all you reading this who are in multiple partner relationships, I am SURE this must be an issue as it's probably of the top transmitted viruses.


1) What do you all do about herpes?

2) Do you have prevention that you know works well enough? I'll take "well enough" as I really have no choice in this matter. As many of you mono's out there know, if your spouse is going to do this, they're going to do this. It's either "deal" or divorce. I am choosing the painful route of "deal" rather than the painful route of divorce.

3) Once she comes home, how long of a "quarantine" time do we need to get the battery of tests needed to see if she's infected? Does herpes 1/2 show up on tests early on?

I am going to inform my wife that we'll have to have quarantine times after every time she meets with him. I am just hoping it doesn't have to take more than a month or so.

Thanks for helping me.

I know I can ask a doctor some of this, but I am sure many of you are well informed in the context of multiple partner relationships.

Thanks so much.
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herpes, hsv

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