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Old 02-05-2014, 09:00 PM
OliverOwl OliverOwl is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 23
Default Major problems with my metamour

So K and I have come a long way over the past few months. Poly seems like a much more viable option for our future than it did before, to the point where I am genuinely happy we have started discussing it now. However, I still have one major problem that is not being addressed . . . I hate my metamour.

Now, S is a perfectly sweet girl. I know deep down that she does not have a malicious bone in her body. That said, she is young, passively manipulative, and horribly inexperienced with relationships. K is the first even vaguely serious relationship she has ever had. And that is as a secondary partner to him after idolizing and romantizing him for well over a year (before I ever met him). K has strong feelings for her but only wants her as a secondary partner. While she says she is okay with this I has serious doubts. While in our initial foray into poly S and I kept every open channels of communication and tried to develop into a friendship. I every quickly learned that because she does not really have any close friends of her own I became Numero Uno. So I got to hear all about her problems, how she felt about K, and all of her private thoughts on poly. I really tried to be as supportive as I could but hearing day after day of "I really think K and I were meant to be. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man" and "when I first met you I was waiting for you and K to break up so I could be with him. I'm don't like it but I'm happy I have to power to hurt you relationship" I could not take it anymore.

Here is a girl who has actively lied to K, hidden the truth from me, completely failed to respect my boundaries (to the point where she assumed she had the privelage of sleeping in K's bed on a university trip when THEY WERE NOT TOGETHER), and who I no longer trust. K is aware of my dislike for her. I hate myself for feeling this way. I seriously am not okay with not liking people, especially people my partner loves. But where do I go from here? Sometimes the dislike gets to the point where I question my ability to stay with K.

I can't tell him to leave her (I would never make him choose, I do not want veto power) but I feel like my emotions are not being respected. He tells me I am his primary partner, we have talked about having kids in the next few years, and yet he is willing to stay with a someone who's very name can give me a panic attack. How do other primaries deal with major problems with their partner's partners?
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