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  #351  
Old 01-09-2014, 06:13 PM
london london is offline
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Default My Poly Story

Hmm, every time I think about it, I realise that my dealings with polyamory go back further than I acknowledge.

I was recently reminded of something that used to go on in my primary school, between the ages of about 9-11. We used to have these relationships with each other, and effectively cheat because we all liked more than one boy or girl. We came to this decision that we should share boyfriends and girlfriends to make it easier and stop all the silly cheating. We did this until we left for secondary school and it worked perfectly. In addition to this, I would always have a boyfriend at school and a boyfriend around where I lived. I really didn't see what having more than one boyfriend would result in that would be so awful.

When I was 12, I met my first proper boyfriend. He didn't like sex much. I was a horny little devil and he wasn't really that interested. He was 14. We had this weird thing going on throughout our relationship. See, we werent' monogamous and we knew this. We would discuss the other people that we are seeing. I didn't tell these other people about my "proper" boyfriend although they knew I "used" to have a boyfriend by that name and I see him around sometimes. In actuality he was integrated into my home and family and I'd see him most days. With the other guys I had a very age appropriate relationship and I'd only be very sexual with my "proper" boyfriend. Once or twice over three years, both of us started relationships that we couldn't seem to"keep down" and we'd have to publicly "break up" in order for us to have this other relationship. We knew that it wasn't real. We just didn't know how to say "we are not in a monogamous relationship and it's fine. We know and it's fine and this makes us happy".

Often a friend would find out that we were "cheating" and we'd have to stage outrage and all that because we had been so badly "betrayed".

Then at 15 I met my son's dad and I thought that we needed to be monogamous to have a serious relationship so I just kind of forgot all about actively pursuing other relationships. What I did do is have emotional connections with other males that in all honesty surpassed the boundaries of most monogamous relationships but I didn't see it as cheating because I wasn't having sex with them. Nothing like that. Just emotional. We openly had cybersex partners though. I stayed with him until I was 22.

TBC.
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  #352  
Old 02-04-2014, 10:12 PM
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I think my exposure came from Three's Company and Star Wars. They both had a love triangle(ish) subplot. (Though Star Wars went icky as the story progressed.) Everyone talked about Jack or Leis having to choose who they wanted to be with. I thought that was unfair. After all, they were all friends, why not let them all stay together. I didn't want the adventure/friendship to end.
OMG! I totally felt this way, too! Granted, I was too young to really get the sexual part of it, but it has always made perfect sense to me that three (or more) people could all love each other.
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  #353  
Old 02-04-2014, 10:33 PM
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Heh, I could say much about how increasingly disappointed I've become with the Star Wars saga over the years (What? Too bad? No more original versions? Han can't shoot first anymore? What?), but I definitely agree that would have been so cool if Han and Luke could have both shared a romance with Leia. And I agree about Three's Company too. In fact the show might have been trying to *be* poly -- to the extent that it could get away with at the time. Ah well, there'll be an out-and-out poly sitcom someday.
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  #354  
Old 02-04-2014, 10:57 PM
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Heh, I could say much about how increasingly disappointed I've become with the Star Wars saga over the years (What? Too bad? No more original versions? Han can't shoot first anymore? What?), but I definitely agree that would have been so cool if Han and Luke could have both shared a romance with Leia. And I agree about Three's Company too. In fact the show might have been trying to *be* poly -- to the extent that it could get away with at the time. Ah well, there'll be an out-and-out poly sitcom someday.
Dare I admit this? Only the first Star Wars trilogy really counts in my head.
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  #355  
Old 02-05-2014, 12:46 AM
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Pshhhh, I started having some doubts on Return of the Jedi. Too silly with the Ewoks -- way too easy to defeat the stormtroopers -- and really? Darth Vader can turn good just like that and all is forgiven?

Star Wars I thru III turned out to be mere over-and-over re-iterations of what we already knew. Plus some really dumb additions like Jar-Jar Binks. Bleah. I liked Empire Strikes Back (especially the movie), but let's face it, Star Wars IV changed moviemaking forever. Which is why it's so stinky that you can't get the original version of it anymore.

But, then, Star Wars was never scientifically accurate, in case that matters. Blow up a planet? Just cooking the crust would suffice for destroying a world. The drama of blowing the thing up means that the outward thrust must overcome the forces of gravity. Otherwise the debris flies out into space up to a point -- and then falls back together into a big clump that becomes a new planet. Enough force to blow the planetary material far enough out into space to eliminate the whole planet (inside and out) altogether -- not very cost-efficient to say the least.

And the fact that this "Long Long Ago" "Far Far Away" galaxy just happens to speak in English -- well. One can suspend one's disbelief; that's what movies are all about anyway. And Star Wars IV just changed the way people thought about movies. Sooo magical, the effect it had on everyone when it first came out. Sigh. Those were the days!

Wait. What were we talking about?
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  #356  
Old 02-05-2014, 03:39 AM
Kimk010514 Kimk010514 is offline
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I have also been bisexual ever since I was 14 I'm now 30 I'm in my first poly relationship and it's with a married couple I love being with a man and a woman ... What got me interested in polyamory is watching the show that's on showtime called polyamory i got very turned on watching that show.. I final came to realize poly might be right for me since I love being with female and males
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  #357  
Old 02-05-2014, 04:40 AM
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[bonk] Yes that was it ...

Good summary Kimk010514; I think that being open-minded in one way can help with open-mindedness in other areas.
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  #358  
Old 04-11-2014, 01:44 AM
HazelEyes HazelEyes is offline
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Question How did you "know" you were or "decide" to be poly?

I have seen some other posts on "coming out" but that is not the same question I have. What I really want to know is... how did you decide or realize or know you were polyamorous? What led to you becoming polyamorous? Were you feeling dissatisfied with only one relationship?

I guess it is a little confusing to me how there is the notion that in order to become polyamorous, your existing relationship should be solid and in good condition in terms of communication and conflict .... but then, why would you want another relationship? If you are satisfied with your primary relationship, why seek another? What is the motivation?

I am currently married and "poly-curious" and have been considering polyamory for quite some time. My husband has been open enough to listen to me discuss my feelings and thoughts about it, but he is not keen on the idea. So ultimately I feel I will need to decide if it is something that I really want/need and understand that I could potentially risk losing the marriage. I don't know if I want that or not, but it's ok because I'm not in a rush to decide. For right now I am just exploring my heart and mind, and ultimately I want to make the best decision.

While I think my marriage is generally good, I have to admit I do feel dissatisfied at times and like I want something else... a different experience, a different kind of stimulation for my personal growth... and also of course for my own joy and pleasure... and I am just trying to understand all of this within myself, and hoping to gain insight from others. Any responses are appreciated!
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  #359  
Old 04-11-2014, 02:43 AM
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Originally Posted by HazelEyes View Post
. . . the notion that in order to become polyamorous, your existing relationship should be solid and in good condition in terms of communication and conflict .... but then, why would you want another relationship? If you are satisfied with your primary relationship, why seek another? What is the motivation?
I am a solo, so opening up an "existing relationship" doesn't apply to me. However, whether someone has a committed partner and wants to have more, or flies solo like I do, I just think we don't have to limit ourselves when it comes to the things in our lives that bring us happiness and satisfaction. If someone has a really great relationship, why shouldn't they have another really great relationship? Why is it that when we find a good one, we have to stop there? Who said we're only allowed one?
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-11-2014 at 02:46 AM.
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  #360  
Old 04-11-2014, 02:59 AM
HazelEyes HazelEyes is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I am a solo, so opening up an "existing relationship" doesn't apply to me. However, whether someone has a committed partner and wants to have more, or flies solo like I do, I just think we don't have to limit ourselves when it comes to the things in our lives that bring us happiness and satisfaction. If someone has a really great relationship, why shouldn't they have another really great relationship? Why is it that when we find a good one, we have to stop there? Who said we're only allowed one?
I agree. I feel the same way... but I am in a different situation unfortunately, because my husband does not feel that way. I have expressed to him some general over-arching philosophies about questioning societal norms and such, and he seems more intellectually open to the idea from that angle. But emotionally he tends to just become sad when I bring it up, so I'm not terribly hopeful that he will ever really be open to the idea.

So, I hope to understand the motivations and thought processes that others have had to come to the conclusion that they wanted/needed a poly lifestyle in order to be happy... especially for those in a mono relationship with a partner who wanted to remain mono, how did you arrive at that decision?
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