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  #61  
Old 01-16-2014, 06:24 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Life's been busy. I've worked so much in the last two weeks. 10 days straight, one day off and 40 hours in 3 days after that. Today I'm off and getting ready for the weekend road trip out of town. LDR guy and I get to meet tomorrow night. Yeah!!!

Had a date with a gentlemen (not quite) on Saturday night. He has said he's poly but during our conversation in reality he's more wanting to swing. The short amount of time during our date, sitting across from each other, he kept trying to touch my hand. He came over before hitting the can to give me a hug and tried to kiss me. Eww...we never even talked about that via texting and based on the conversation I just was not feeling it. I do need to learn how to be more tactful and say "i'm just not feeling a connection with you" but no, the final time, before I opened my mouth, he tries to grab my hand again and I just blurt out "I have to be honest with you, I'm not attracted to you".

Yikes...um duh ali wrong thing to say. Dude went off on me, telling me I'm some number and he bets I do this to everyone I meet. I saw his pic (physically via pics there I had an interest in him and felt I couldn't write the guy off cuz of not feeling it via text etc) and thought why not meet someone claiming to be poly, as my other mono date guys didn't pan out, what's it going to hurt. He then proceeded telling me how he has no attraction to me and he can't believe I asked him to meet me at a dive bar (on that it was a suggestion from a friend and I had no idea what the bar was like...and seriously we met in his town he should have had an idea of where to go). So as he's going off I tell him "don't worry I plan to pay for my 2nd drink (I got there early and already paid for my first)" and he continued ranting at me, so I took one last sip of my 3/4 drank drink, walked over to the bartender, paid and left, with no word of good bye to him. I don't need to be chewed out just because I wasn't comfortable. And in all honesty I liked that dive bar, my kind of place.

He sent me a text telling me "goodluck and godspeed". Other things he never told me beforehand is he's in the middle of a divorce. That is not what I'm looking for, chaos and what an ugly divorce (based on what is happening and he cheated on his wife...not my style) so in addition for not feeling a connection he has too much dirty laundry. Oh well....

But I'm getting some experience at what dating entails. I realize this could be a long journey for me but in a few weeks I'll be working 6 days a week until April 15th, so any free time will be with family for now.
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  #62  
Old 01-16-2014, 06:26 PM
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Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. You should have looked him in the eye, pounded the rest of your drink for effect, then walked out with a swagger.

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Me: Mono, in an LTR with Chops
Chops (previously known as 'P'): partner and best friend. Poly. In LTRs with me and Xena, and dating Noa.
Xena (previously known as M1): My metamour, Poly. Also in an LTR with Chops. Dating Noa and some others.
Noa (previously AG): Dating Chops and Xena (individually).

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Last edited by YouAreHere; 01-16-2014 at 06:27 PM. Reason: Punctuation
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  #63  
Old 01-16-2014, 07:54 PM
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Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. You should have looked him in the eye, pounded the rest of your drink for effect, then walked out with a swagger.

If I wasn't a light weight and didn't have over 30 minutes to drive home a pounded I would've done. I did swagger though! Lol


I'm definitely trusting my intuition...

And the other poly guy I met months ago wants to hang out but (another eww) his teeth are gross, like bad decay (front ones). Preferences...mine are developing and I know what I like....nice teeth.
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  #64  
Old 01-16-2014, 11:16 PM
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Ugh. Not a fun date! I remember dating a man a few years ago like that. He didn't try to kiss me the first date, but the second I spent constantly trying to dodge him. He fianaly grabbed my head and pulled my face to him & kissed me. I stomped on his foot and left him standing there. He sent me a text later of "I guess I won't be seeing you again." You think?!
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  #65  
Old 01-18-2014, 01:52 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alibabe_muse View Post
And the other poly guy I met months ago wants to hang out but (another eww) his teeth are gross, like bad decay (front ones). Preferences...mine are developing and I know what I like....nice teeth.
Definitely with you on this one...I don't care if they are particularly straight but they should not be literally rotting out of someone's head! I don't understand how people can NOT be bothered by that. I had an interaction at work with a guy with terrible gross rotting teeth...and a tongue ring. The whole conversation, in my head, I was thinking "really, you want to draw attention to that"

JaneQ

(for the record, my teeth aren't perfect, but I go for a cleaning every 6 months and any cavities - haven't had one in 9 years - are attended to before they become a problem.)
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Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3 yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS; married to TT, poly male
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  #66  
Old 01-19-2014, 08:08 AM
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Default wonderboy

I met wonderboy (formerly ldr guy) last night. He helped me figure out his name for my blog. Damn I wish even a ldr would work out, not to say it can't but he knows he can't handle the emotional aspect of poly. I suggested, based on our conversations last night, he's a swinger or polysexual. Funny wonderboy was telling me stories of his life & women in his past, and in all honesty his needs with them were poly...meaning that each lady satisfied different needs of his.

Will my wonderboy & I ever see each other again? I don't know but he did say if the opportunity arose he'd want to. Damn how is it my luck I meet an individual who I really click with but is many many hours away?

And yes we had amazing sex last night. I already knew physically I liked what I saw from webcam & our live chats. And to be in person talking to each other, just awesome. Lol and he's 5'8-one of my preferences in a man is 6'. Yeah chemistry with an individual can make that "like" not so important. Our Okc match is 93%...as I said to SG, wonderboy I could have not just a physical relationship with but an intimate emotional and intellectual as well.

Well the alarm is set for the early morning so I best get some rest, didn't last night.
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  #67  
Old 01-23-2014, 03:16 AM
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Been having a hard time reconnecting with bassman (formerly known as DH) {as wonderboy stated "if you're gonna blog, you should get creative" so here I go}.

Arrived home late Monday. Bassman brought up the benefits of a relationship with another OSO in that it does not get diluted with those things that a mono-relationship that goes poly has in it and probably never will (unless this other relationship and the first one all live together). And for me...that's where a lot of my envy has been rooted in (or is it jealousy)? This came from his weekend spent with his sweety (aside from when he worked so they had the afternoons from like 2:30 on until he worked the next morning together {just an fyi - I was feeling tons of compersion for them while I was away}. He noted that it was vey nice being in the home with no kids and just getting to know each other more and more. But as he stated, they'll never end up in fights, they'll never really go through things bassman and I have gone through, so the love doesn't get side winder things thrown at it (well except from their spouses having struggles with their NRE and time spent together).

Back to my huge disconnect. I have narrowed it down to a few things. First is my sadness over wonderboy. I'm struggling with the reality that the chemistry and connection he and I have will never grow beyond just friends. I have come to accept that today. Second is the looming amount of hours and days I'm about to start working until April 15th. Basically every day to equal 70 hours a week. Third I've been feeling really stuck on my Fridays (a true Friday night) of having no transportation for the kids and I to do errands or what ever we feel like. I've always had issues with Fridays and it's come to light that bassman's Friday overnights are bothering me. See his Friday is actually Mondays and he has his overnight with Wild Orchid (MG's new name here), doesn't come home until Tuesday afternoon; thus his role in the responsibility department with kids doesn't hit until his "saturday". And that's been rubbing me a bit lately...that my Friday and weekend is all responsibility, that actually every day I have the family responsibility with no time off.

Today I text'd with The Hunter (SG's new name who is Wild Orchid's husband) and both of us have been struggling. His girlfriend, The Masseuse, and him haven't seen each other for over three weeks as she needed a break {reminder she's mono} and he's been having some health issues and has only been able to have sex with Wild Orchid twice in three weeks. Funny, I think it's good he and I didn't force a relationship as we have one as friends and a sounding board for each other. Hearing our sides helps both of us realize we are growing, albeit with some struggles, and as he said "one day we'll sit back and laugh at ourselves".

After work bassman and I discussed this conversation I had. I have come to feel like second best, I have come to realize discussions that he has with Wild Orchid about our relationship happen with her first, and with me, when I bring it up, which bothers me and he has been told. One example is Valentine's Day. It's on a Friday. I brought up how it's on his night with her and bassman tells me they discussed that a bit ago and they've agreed to spend it with their spouses. And maybe it's not that they discussed with before he discussed with me, he just forgot to tell me about it until I brought it up. Other little things like the co-worker who told bassman she wants to have sex with him. He told Wild Orchid about it this weekend and then me when we were having a discussion on Monday after I arrived. For me, here it is again, I'm second to be talked to. *And if I wasn't told I'm "primary" and she's "secondary", maybe, just maybe it wouldn't bother me. That's the crux...bassman and wild orchid operate in the primary/secondary thought process of their relationships, yet, the behaviors are not that way.*

This is an area all of us do need to work on. I don't like these terms much and am not sure I'd think of another lover as my secondary but as an equal with me and my spouse.*

So today, this early evening, bassman and I discussed our calendars. Based on the issues I'm having and the ones The Hunter is having, he offered to cut back overnights to one a week until April 15th and when tax season is over, I agreed to him going back to two overnights but no more Fridays but Thursday instead. *He also requested that on Wednesdays during the day (he will have our princess home with him) if Wild Orchid is close by, she can come visit them. I agreed as long as our princess does not go to daycare. Her schedule is mon & tues, home with daddy on wed, and back to daycare on thurs and fri. She also needs a consistent schedule (she'll be 3 in March). Bassman agreed. After this agreement he called up Wild Orchid to let her know what he and I have worked out. She asked him about surprise visits and his response (I didn't hear what she asked only his answer) "this isn't the time for that and probably not a good idea". When he finished the call I asked what that part regarded.

The Hunter discussed with me that he needs to spend more time with bassman, get to be better friends. I find this ironic and maybe it's due to them being poly for over 15 years and me since July 2013, but I'm not ready to get super close with my metamour, Wild Orchid. It's not that I don't like her {I think she's super cool and awesome} but until I'm able to get a network of new girlfriend's I can vent to, I'd not be comfortable getting super close with her. I don't want her to be my sounding board when I'm struggling nor to talk badly about bassman with her. *And the more she text'd me that we need alibabe_muse and wild orchid time, the more anxiety I started experiencing. Bassman discussed this with her and she does understand and he told her sometime down the road I'd be willing to get to know her more, just not at this time.

Dinner's here and I am so hungry I'll get back later.
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MY BLOG

Last edited by alibabe_muse; 01-23-2014 at 03:23 AM.
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  #68  
Old 01-23-2014, 03:53 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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The threads are weird. Some I can go back and edit and some I just can't.

I forgot to put above about the disconnect. Another issue I had, my crap I have to deal with, was that on Tuesday bassman took princess to daycare (yes it's her normal day but I stated my concern Monday evening that she needed time to acclimate being back home and with how late we did get home after our long drive {she was in the vehicle from 3 until 9:45 pm) and when she did fall asleep, I did not want her at daycare. Bassman had informed me he felt the need to see Wild Orchid the next day (yes they had Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday morning together) and he needed to see her Tuesday.

I let him know this had upset me Tuesday and most of yesterday. Monday night it was obvious we both weren't reconnecting and to me, Tuesday, even though I was at work during the day, if he was serious about us, that this need to see Wild Orchid again put her before us, before me. He can't change his choice but he can have some sort of empathy of my side of it. And months from now I'll probably laugh at myself yet at that moment of our disconnect, how am I suppose to feel he really wants to connect with me if his need was her and not me? We did not make love Tuesday. After last nights talks, we did make love and it was awesome!
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  #69  
Old 01-23-2014, 04:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alibabe_muse View Post
The threads are weird. Some I can go back and edit and some I just can't.
Everyone has a 12-hour window to edit a post (that is mentioned in the Guidelines here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...22&postcount=2). After 12 hours, it is no longer editable. FYI from your friendly neighborhood moderator!
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Last edited by nycindie; 01-23-2014 at 04:11 PM.
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  #70  
Old 01-23-2014, 09:00 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Everyone has a 12-hour window to edit a post (that is mentioned in the Guidelines here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...22&postcount=2). After 12 hours, it is no longer editable. FYI from your friendly neighborhood moderator!
Thank you for that! Funny I read all of that when I first joined, but small things escape the memory.
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