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Old 01-22-2014, 02:49 AM
Myrrhine1's Avatar
Myrrhine1 Myrrhine1 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Chicago Area, Illinois
Posts: 24
Default Non-conditional love, unreciprocated compersion

I wish there were people in my life who are more experienced with polyamory, but I guess anonymous forums will have to do!

Story time.

I'm a bit of an odd duck, I guess. I am super exclusive about who I date. I've tried casual relationships, but it's not my style. Currently, I'm engaged to a guy who is monogamous, but is extremely supportive of my polyamory. I feel that, for me, it's a part of my sexual identity and not a "dating strategy" or whatever.

I only came to this realization almost two years ago when I was not dating anyone and had to face being in love with multiple people at once. It was fabulous, because I had to face years of guilt-filled serial monogamy and also realized I'm bisexual.

In the middle of all this, while still single, one of my dearest friends of 12 years (let's call him Sam) admitted he considered trying to date me right before I entered a relationship with a mutual friend. This threw me for a loop because this question came up in high school when I pursued him and it was unreciprocated.

Well, shortly after this confession, he entered into a serious relationship. At first, I was really confused, and maybe a bit jealous, but his beau is adorable. She's a great friend and they are adorable together, and since Sam has had several harrowing relationships, I grew to be ecstatic for him. I still am.

When I was discovering more about my identity, I realized that I need a lot of nonsexual intimacy with my close friends. I enjoy being affectionate and close with "my tribe". At this point, I hadn't told anyone about my discoveries and Sam and I decided that, with rumors, we'd agree to distance ourselves.

It was really painful, but I met my fiance and it's been the best relationship I've had. Neither one of us received any congratulatory sentiment from Sam after our announcement, and that sucked because I missed my friend. But I realized that some part of me has always loved Sam romantically. A year and a half later, with almost no contact (including digital contact) and I feel exactly the same.

I finally "came out" to Sam after re-establishing contact. I wrote it in a letter, explaining that I love that things are going well between him and his beau and I would never dream of doing anything to complicate things between them.

He never responded.

Well, he did, sorta. To call and tell me about his plans to propose to his beau. And ask advice. It's awesome and romantic, but he never... even talked about my engagement.

I really wish I could just get over him. I'm afraid I'll always carry this love I feel on my own. I really don't know what to do. Do I invite them to my wedding? Do I reject their invitation (if they even want me there)? How do you deal with these confusing feelings of rejection and love and joy all at once?
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