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Old 01-21-2014, 07:11 PM
lyrias9 lyrias9 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 3
Default Issues with leaving the house so he and his OT can play

My partner and I are poly and recently moved in together. Due to some stressful life situations we've both made the decision not to pursue any serious relationships at the moment and are sticking with our FWB's until we feel settled in our own lives and with each other.

One of his friends is coming home from a long time away and he's very excited to see her. They're very good friends as well as play partners and although we've never met I've heard stories and seen pictures and I'm aware of their connection and relationship. It's been intended on all sides that she and I will meet when she got back as we'd probably get on quite well.

The problem I'm having is that a few days ago he told me that they're planning for her to come over in a couple of weeks so that they can catch up and have some playtime. Implied in this is that I have to find something to do that night. My reaction was to get very upset and uncomfortable. Originally it was simply at the idea that I was being kicked out of my own house so that he could get some that bothered me. He quickly realized his mistake and acknowledged that asking would have been more appropriate, and we talked about it.

It's three days later and I'm still not ok with it and I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. I understand their situation, due to her living arrangements at the moment he isn't able to go to her house. I just feel uncomfortable with the idea of him having sex with someone at our shared living space, and that I have to leave so they can do it. This is the first time this sort of situation has come up and so I don't know how to deal with it. He's trying to be understanding and make compromises to help me feel better about it, but he doesn't understand why it's a big deal for me. If the situation were reversed, he'd be more than happy to wander off for an evening so I could have someone over. He's offered to have me meet her beforehand, I've made requests like no sex in the bedroom, but I'm still having issues.

I suppose my questions revolve around whether is this is a reasonable reaction on my part, or if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. If anyone has been in a situation like this before, how do you deal with it? Are there rules that you set up with your partner, does it help? Do most poly couples have other partners over when the other is away or is the home off limits?

I would really appreciate any insight, I feel like I'm drowning a bit with this.

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