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Old 01-21-2014, 03:20 PM
scarletzinnia scarletzinnia is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 88
Default Is this potential friend crossing the line?

My best friend is a monogamous guy who used to be poly. He is very certain that he wants monogamy for himself at present. He does have a poly primary partner, is fine with her remaining actively poly even if he is not, and still enjoys socializing with other poly people, including me.

One of the reasons he chose monogamy for himself is that he seemed to have a knack for picking women who caused a lot of drama and craziness and were openly hostile towards his primary partner. It is not the only reason, but it's a factor.

So all three of us went to this poly event two weeks ago and met this nice woman. I liked her as a friend immediately, as did he. I was part of their very first conversation, in which he told her that he wasn't interested in dating anyone there or anywhere, just interested in making friends. She told him that she really hated hearing that, because she thought he was very attractive.

He reports to me that since then, she has been emailing him and messaging him on Facebook, and has "liked" numerous Facebook photos of him, even some that are years old. He said that the messages have included a ton of flattery about how handsome and sexy he is, how charming he is, and how disappointed that she is that he doesn't want to date anyone. She has also told him that she feels that if she is patient, she will be "rewarded." He said he didn't know if she meant "rewarded with a nice platonic friendship with him" or "rewarded with him deciding to have poly relationships again and having a romantic relationship with her."

Since he is so drama-adverse, he asked my advice about whether he really can pursue a platonic friendship with this person considering how she is starting things off. I have no idea. I know he wants more friends. I am not really sure whether this person is stepping over boundaries, or if she is likely to do so. It seems like she may be, that she may be obsessing over someone who is unattainable, but I don't want to advise him to back away from a promising friendship if I'm wrong about that.

Does anyone have any insights here?
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