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Old 01-17-2014, 11:24 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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Location: Florida, USA
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Ok, I realize you likely did not mean to do so, but I read this as saying that those of us who are ok with sex on the first date are emotionally not as evolved or as sensitive as those who don't fuck right away. Women who fuck sooner are not soul-less or value their soul less.
Not at all! My comment:
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There's nothing wrong with admitting that the "soul" gets involved for some of us during sex.
"Soul " is in parenthesis because it was a reaction to someone else's comment:
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 It isn't like you give a little bit of your soul to every guy you fuck.
I wanted to acknowledge sometimes it FEELS like yeah, you do give a bit of yourself away, not because of stupid religious notions, but because you're profoundly physically vulnerable during sex, at the mercy of many sex-induced chemicals, and you DO give your energy to that other human being, be it your first date or your fiftieth.

Of course sluts have souls
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Old 01-17-2014, 11:30 PM
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SouthernGal SouthernGal is offline
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Mobile, AL
Posts: 87

I don't really see slut-shaming going on here, just different opinions and suggestions of how the hurt might be avoided. I've ben hurt like this too - you don't have to be physically intimate to be emotionally hurt by someone you're interested in & thinks is interested in you suddenly turning cold. I personally don't have sex before the second or third date, but that's because my experience is that I stop dating 80% of men before the 3rd date and don't usually want to fuck someone I wouldn't date. Personal preference. It's not a filter or a self protection mechanism. Simply a practical desire not to screw someone I ultimately would consider a waste of my time. Yeah, I know it sounds bitchy, but I reserve the right to be bitchy about who I'll have sex with. That said, I am very likely to have sex on the first date if he's a really good kisser. I'm a sucker for a good kisser. I don't think I or anyone else is a slut for giving into the same hormones a man has, and I don't get the impression that the other posters feel that way either.
Me - Mostly mono female, 39 yrs old, married to Leo.
Leo - Poly bi-sexual male, 37 years old. Married to me and looking.
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Old 01-18-2014, 12:24 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Posts: 757

Originally Posted by Natja View Post
Do you think maybe there is a feeling here that somehow by sleeping with the F*ckwits you are rewarding them for bad behaviour? Because I tell you one thing, that is how I felt by reading Scarlet's post, like well great, he didn't get rewarded that night the f*ckwit.

I don't want to sound precious about sex or anything and if you really want to sleep with someone and you don't care whether you see them again or not that is fine, but I just hate the idea of really disrespectful tossers being enabled in their behaviour.

Perhaps if we just stopped sleeping with the f*ckwits they will adapt their behaviour?

Or am I being too idealistic?
Um yeah, idealistic. Your hypothesis is predicated on the idea that they give a shit what your think. If they gave a shit they wouldn't be f*ckwits in the first place.
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Old 01-18-2014, 04:09 PM
scarletzinnia scarletzinnia is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 127

Responding to what Natja said, I do believe that if creeps stopped getting laid altogether, most of them would cease to be so creepy. But there is no way to make that happen, sadly. I do cringe when I hear a woman say that she likes "bad boys," that men like that are sexy. I have never understood that. It stands to reason that if you want to be treated well, you pick a nice boy, not a bad boy. But I guess that is a topic for another thread.
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Old 01-18-2014, 04:29 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
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Both my men fall into the men"bad boy" category.

They are Alpha males.

They both treat me like a queen. They just take no crap.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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Old 01-20-2014, 07:55 PM
willowstar willowstar is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 122

It seems to me that the OP was feeling hurt that the guy didnt make much of an effort to actually have a relationship? And that he seemed insensitive to the fact that she was in a vulnerable place on the night they did get together socially.

Was he aware that you were having a really bad day? And was it really in everyones best interest to make THAT the day that you saw him and made judgements about whether he was a good potential partner? Some people are intuitive and would pick up on something like that even if they were not told outright. Sounds like he is not that guy. Which is okay. He is who he is, maybe just not for you...

I have been in relationships like this, where no matter what you do, the other person doesnt even seem to make the effort to get together, even when they are professing over and over that they "want to see you!! OMG!!". Actions are louder than words. In my case, it was someone who could not make a plan with me unless we had an "event" to go to. There was no "hey, lets get together on Saturday!". It had to be "Hey, want to go to a concert with me on Saturday?". I quickly realized that she was action oriented, and not just motivated by the desire to be together, doing anything just to be together, which is more how I tend to feel about my partners.

Perhaps his idea of poly is casual, and your desire, as you stated in the beginning of your post, is to try to find something more lasting. Maybe you hoped for that with him, more than you realized?

Glad you are getting some closure from all the info here.

Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... ~ Dori

Willow ~ 47yo bi poly woman, married to Bear for 20 years
Bear-59 yo maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
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