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Old 01-20-2014, 06:52 AM
WCoaster WCoaster is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 6
Default What should I expect my partner to share about me to others

I am recently in a new and very intimate communicative relationship. We both identify as polyamorous and have begun to refer to each other as "primary" as we are both looking for a very special solid relationship foundation to explore from.

We are currently communicating about anything we can think of that we feel needs to be dissected to help our mutual journey's thrive to the best of our abilities.

My partner was visiting me last week and mentioned she needed to reach out this woman who was a client but also spent a lot of time together after their sessions sharing tea and great conversations. It was shortly before when we normally head off to the bedroom when she made the call and it lasted for more than a couple of hours. The conversation sounded very fun friendly lots of laughing and ended with a commitment to make time to develop a friendship beyond their professional one and a date for later in the week.

I asked my partner after the call if this was someone she could see herself in a relationship with and she said she wasn't sure yet. The date day came, which would have been one of her free evenings for me but because of her busy schedule and feeling a little under the weather we decided to postpone my time until the next night. That morning my partner sent me a text saying that she would be coming to me after all in the evening after meeting her new friend. Fine, serendipitous for me.

Later that evening I get a message that there just finishing up and will be leaving after one more drink. This means about an hour or more later than we had planned. Ok fine, got lost in your new friendship wonderful. An hour and a half later I get a message that it is now too late to come and besides they have drank too much. Ok, a little choked now as I have been left waiting but still probably a sound decision but I am thinking "should have just left the original plan in place and waited a day to come". I then heard her say in passing that they up until the wee hours and now she is exhausted from the previous night and her cold is worse. Well, Yeah!

So now I have the privilege of taking care of my sick girl friend which was a very enjoyable thing in it's own way. We entertained some friends the next night and shared some time together for ourselves. Not nearly as much as usual but still it's ok.

At some point this morning I get an incredible feeling of discomfort and I know it is directed to towards my partner. I don't understand what the source is yet and decide to keep quiet until I have had a chance to process what I am feeling. Part of it is probably due to her informing me that she feels she is going to need the next 3 weeks to focus on a lot of changes she has to deal with in her life. I know about these things and they are big but I can't imagine them being all consuming. As she is getting ready to leave and we are futzing around the house the conversation returns to the date person and I ask again if this is someone she see becoming more intimate with. She is still unsure. I ask her if her new friend knew about me. She replied that she had told her that she was "dating people". I was shocked but still was uncertain what was causing the feelings so still chose to remain quiet.

We parted as usual and I know she could tell I was out of sorts and she tried to cheer me up with being flirty while we took her stuff out to the car and she said, "don't think that this means anything changes for us or that I will have no time for us."

Ok Summary and the questions if anyone actually makes it this far. Honestly the writing itself has helped.

1) Is telling others that she is "dating people" yet we dialogue about the joy of finding our Primary seem strange? It makes me feel slighted in some way but am I reading it wrong?
2) Should I have any expectations about how or when she shares information about me if any to other people whether or not she decides to become intimate with them?
3) Her blocking out a large section of time makes me feel odd as she has told me how she would block out more time than required with her ex husband to allow her more free time to herself. This I am sure we can dialogue through but stirs up a bit uncertainty with me.
4) Anything else anyone feels note worthy, both positive or negative, that I may not be picking up on?

Thank you for any advice in advance.
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