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  #11  
Old 01-17-2014, 04:56 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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I am the hinge in a poly MFM Vee. My boys are best friends (and were before I ever met Dude) and we do enjoy the occasional MFM threesome (where I get all of the attention ) even though they are both straight. (We also enjoy a foursome once in a when the opportunity arises...)

We are not poly-fi, however...MrS has never seriously pursued any outside relationships, Dude is seeing Lotus (and she and I are...exploring).

To answer some of your other thoughts:

In terms of "balancing"...MrS, Dude and I live together so we get lots of "all together hanging out time" as well as one-on-one time with each other.

With regards to "going out in public"... around home we are fairly circumspect (like we have a sexy secret...extra fanny-patting and "stolen" kisses); when we are out of town, I love parading around with my boys all out-there and brash (yes, you get all kinds of looks )

We are all fairly independent and are fine with "alone time"...

I have no idea how you could "cultivate" such a situation other than just living your life and being open to the possibilities that arise....you can read my "Journey" blog here if you want to see how it happened for me.

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #12  
Old 01-18-2014, 08:14 AM
wonderwoman wonderwoman is offline
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Thanks everyone for the replies and thoughtful advice. It's kind of funny, had a Homer Simpson D'oh! moment as I read some of them - seems so obvious now you'd have to be open to this sort of thing and just put it out there. Not sure what I expected - two men to magically appear on my doorstep ready to "cultivate this type of situation"???? Kind of had to laugh at myself for a moment - thank goodness I don't take myself too seriously.

Still not sure if this would be right for me, but then again I've always seemed to be better at knowing what I don't want rather than what I do. If it happens, it was meant to be I suppose. I like to think things over a lot before I make any moves so I will keep researching, and mucking about my thoughts/feelings. I've always admired people who have a gut instinct and can just go with it. But that's just not me.

I shared my thoughts about my imaginary MFM Vee with a close and rather conservative friend. She is now jokingly referring to me as "Lady Heffner." She actually said she thought it was cool. People never cease to amaze me!

Enjoying all the blogs - kind of neat to know so many people have great lives and experiences off the traditional grid.
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  #13  
Old 01-18-2014, 08:23 AM
wonderwoman wonderwoman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Sounds like you don't really want a poly relationship; you want to be spoiled by two men for a weekend? Why not just advertise for that on FetLife or similar? And not worry about the burden of being two people's full time partner.
In theory this sounds awesome but it wouldn't really work for me as I don't enjoy sex outside of committed relationships. It's funny, I wasn't raised conservatively at all but that's what fulfills and gives me the most pleasure mentally/emotionally/physically. I really need a strong emotional bond with the person to let loose and enjoy myself.

I tried to watch some MFM pornography about this type of situation but it was actually quite off putting. In the first one I saw the woman was sort of being "used" like a piece of meat with absolutely no regard for her experience/pleasure. The other one I saw was a cuckold video and the way the man was being degraded made me uncomfortable as well as some racist undertones. Neither was a turn on for me personally.

Maybe I'm just too vanilla but it my imagination the experience is more sensual and friendly. Maybe what I am imagining just doesn't exist - only time will tell.

Last edited by wonderwoman; 01-18-2014 at 06:43 PM.
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  #14  
Old 01-18-2014, 10:00 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wonderwoman View Post
... I don't enjoy sex outside of monogamous relationships.
Now I'm a little confused. Do you fantasise about a non-sexual MFM Vee or are you using a definition of "monogamous" with which I'm unfamiliar?
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  #15  
Old 01-18-2014, 10:49 AM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm View Post
Now I'm a little confused. Do you fantasise about a non-sexual MFM Vee or are you using a definition of "monogamous" with which I'm unfamiliar?
Of course I am not the OP and cannot answer for her sake. In my mind I read the sentence "I don't enjoy sex outside of committed relationships" and then it made more sense. Sounds like the OP could look up the term demisexual - maybe that would apply to her? Not trying to label anyone here, just giving food for thought.

Oh, and yes, I am in an MFM Vee relationship, too. We are not poly-fi. I am rather a relationship anarchist, at least in theory, and in that sense won't close my relationships for the possibility of future partners. I feel polysaturated, though, and at the moment have decided not to pursue any new relationships. I appreciate my life as it is and wish to maintain balance and well-being of everyone involved. My guys are free to look around if they wish, and CJ is doing that more or less actively.
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  #16  
Old 01-18-2014, 11:13 AM
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That was my thought too, but making assumptions can end up with everyone even more confused if they turn out to be incorrect.
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  #17  
Old 01-18-2014, 11:20 AM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm View Post
That was my thought too, but making assumptions can end up with everyone even more confused if they turn out to be incorrect.
Yes. A thousand times yes! This is something I have to keep on reminding myself of - and being aware of. Sometimes it is not easy to even recognize the assumptions that happen rather automatically inside my own little head.
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  #18  
Old 01-18-2014, 06:40 PM
wonderwoman wonderwoman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadya View Post
Of course I am not the OP and cannot answer for her sake. In my mind I read the sentence "I don't enjoy sex outside of committed relationships" and then it made more sense. Sounds like the OP could look up the term demisexual - maybe that would apply to her? Not trying to label anyone here, just giving food for thought.
That is exactly what I meant! Sorry for being confusing. Still learning the lingo so to speak. Edited the post, hope it makes more sense now.

I did look up demisexual, super fascinating! I don't feel like a demisexual as I definitely have strong sexual urges/attraction to people without "knowing" them but I never find acting on it as satisfying as it is in my imagination. However, if I'm in a committed relationship with them or I can tell it's heading in that general direction - bedroom fireworks!

That said, "Too Much Imagination" could probably be the title of my autobiography. Appreciate the advice and experience sharing greatly as I wander around this part of my psyche. Kind of nice discovering something possibly new about yourself - around this age I thought I knew myself pretty damn well.

Last edited by wonderwoman; 01-18-2014 at 06:44 PM.
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  #19  
Old 01-18-2014, 07:40 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi there, and welcome!

You do know the other part of that saying "curiosity killed the cat," right? It's this:

Curiosity killed the cat,
but satisfaction brought him back.


Well... I disagree with some of what Mags posted above. I don't think what you want is that uncommon or strange - nor difficult to achieve, especially since it is usually much easier for a poly woman to find partners than it is for poly men. As one straight woman who is only interested in dating straight men to another, I can't get on board with seeing it as that tall of an order (it did sound like a rather bleak forecast to me, and I was surprised by that). I say, YES, it is possible.

However, if you want to meet straight men for a potentially polyfidelitous (what you meant when you said "all monogamous to each other") vee, you just have to realize that the commitment to polyfidelity most likely won't be there from the beginning. That is something that takes time to work toward. And - it may take a lot of dating (and probably much kissing of frogs) over a long period of time to meet the right guys for this kind of relationship. It will also depend on where you live, how open-minded people are there, and how large the dating pool is.

I totally get that this is not just about threesome sex, and not a cuckold situation you are looking for. Far from it. And I would think that you wouldn't expect "all threesomes, all the time" if you do find two guys to be involved with romantically. And keep in mind that, as you meet people you click with, your fantasy of how it should be could change. Today you might dream about living together with two men totally devoted to you and only you, and although you could meet one guy who is fine in a mono/poly situation and remains monogamous to you, you might find yourself falling head-over-heels for a second guy who is poly and married to someone else already, for example. You never know what life will bring you, so my point is to stay open-minded and never say never!

I think it would be highly unlikely to meet two straight guys who are friends and looking to "share" a woman partner in ordinary, non-kink circles. So, no, the scenario you fantasize about probably isn't going to show up on your doorstep. If I were you, I would just be open to meeting men, look for opportunities, and date as much as possible. Express early on to any guys you're interested in that you are dating others and not looking for in exclusivity with them. If they want to understand what your goals are, explain it, and see how the relationship goes. Then you meet others, be upfront with everyone, and see if any of them click. It will take time. Nothing is going to happen instantaneously, anyway.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Not too many people here doing poly-fi MFM Vs. I can think of one out of dozens of regular posters.
While it may be true that, when you visit poly forums, much of what you read is about FMF vees or triads, most of those tend to focus on threesomes and unicorn hunting. However, my observation has been that MFM vees are an extremely common type of configuration for a long-term scenario. For a while here, there were a lot of people posting about their MFM vees. Granted, some of them are no longer together (that's life - nothing lasts forever), and many of them are not closed, but there still are a number of members here who are in one. Some don't post here much anymore, but I don't think you should be discouraged about manifesting what you want at all. It's just not going to happen overnight. Stay positive!
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Last edited by nycindie; 01-18-2014 at 07:49 PM.
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  #20  
Old 01-19-2014, 08:19 AM
wonderwoman wonderwoman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hi there, and welcome!
I totally get that this is not just about threesome sex, and not a cuckold situation you are looking for. Far from it. And I would think that you wouldn't expect "all threesomes, all the time" if you do find two guys to be involved with romantically. And keep in mind that, as you meet people you click with, your fantasy of how it should be could change. Today you might dream about living together with two men totally devoted to you and only you, and although you could meet one guy who is fine in a mono/poly situation and remains monogamous to you, you might find yourself falling head-over-heels for a second guy who is poly and married to someone else already, for example. You never know what life will bring you, so my point is to stay open-minded and never say never!
Are you a mind reader nycindie? Thanks for not only understanding my mentality regarding but the GREAT advice and positivity.

What you posted was well said and made me think. I will definitely keep an open mind as I go on this journey. I recently got out of a long term relationship so I am questioning what I "thought" would make me happy and the status quo in general.

I'd hate to accept "good enough" and/or become complacent because I was too scared of external factors to live way I see fit. But I also want to develop certain relationships because they are natural/healthy for me and not just for the experience itself. I am a sensitive person and as Johnny Cash said, far more eloquently, "I keep a close watch on this heart of mine-"
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