ak - you are saying so many of the things that I have said. It's scary and comforting. I have said many times that I feel like the boring wife and she is the fun, sexy girlfriend. I worry that he has more fun with her than with me - but then I accept that because they do not have a history, they do not have responsibilities together - - - he comes home to me every night, he is in my bed, holding me, every night, he is the father of my children, we have a mortgage, we are looking together for a new house, I am going to be the one sitting next to him on the porch in our rocking chairs when we are 80 years old - - - all things that she will NEVER have. I take comfort in that. He knows that my love is tried and true and that he can always rely on me to support him and to love him no matter what.
I understand about the hurt and anger boiling to the surface. I felt that way for a long time. I had to make a conscious decision to let that go because it wasn't doing me any good. Have you read "The Secret?" I am about half way through the book and have downloaded, but not watched the movie. The whole premise is that what you think about, will come true. Kind of like the self-fulfilling prophecy. I can be angry, resentful, jealous - but all that is going to bring me is anger, resentment and jealousy. No good comes of it. I want my husband to be happy, so I have to put happy out there in order to attract it. It sounds a little corny - but it does make sense. Try reading it and see what you think.
How are you doing tonight with him out with J? How were you able to become friends with her? I have tried again and again with my husbands girlfriend and we are good for a little bit, we talk, I feel like we agree on things - then things fall apart, mainly on my end. I do like her. I think she is a nice person who genuinely loves my husband - but then there is a part of me that still resents her for coming on to him in the first place, for thinking she knows him so well and for knowingly hurting me. We take one step forward and about 10 steps back. We are actually going to go out this weekend just her and I to try to get to know each other better and to hopefully talk some things through. I am nervous though. She really intimidates me and makes me feel insecure. Like she has some kind of power that I don't. How do you do it?