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  #21  
Old 10-30-2013, 05:19 PM
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Today is a good day. yesterday was a good day. The three weeks before that were hell. Seems we are getting back on track. Mark and I are doing well. He is feeling better about our relationship since his older brother, my husband, had given the final okay on everything. We still have more restrictions on us than Neverwhere does with people he dates but it's not much and I hope that will change someday.

neverwhere is dating a great g girl for two weeks now. She is mono. single mom with two boys. She just really likes Neverwhere and so is willing to try it, which had been great for my husband because it's given him a lot of confidence to know someone likes him that much.

meanwhile I'm half heartedly searching OKC still. Not a lot of poly people in my area to get to know. I don't mind educating people, but don't want to be someone's experiment either.
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--Jade, 31yo single f
Neverwhere - soon-to-be-ex-husband. We have a 4yo son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. She lives with him.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother and my roommate
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  #22  
Old 01-16-2014, 04:29 PM
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I've posted elsewhere but thought I would update my "blog".

After Neverwhere and Amanda broke up, things really went downhill. I tried to stay positive, but between that and the issues my husband has always struggled with (anger, alcohol abuse, former drug abuse, etc) it just became too much for me.

It came to a head December 8th when he hit me and then went after Mark because I said I was going to call Mark or one of our roommates for help. Because Neverwhere punched Mark in front of 3 of our kids, DCF got involved. Overly involved, if you ask me.

Amanda has decided to side with Neverwhere in our pending divorce. It's so confusing to me. I am a very caring person and I've spent many years nurturing a relationship with Amanda. I told her if anything ever happened between Neverwhere and I and I got our house somehow (for an example) she was always welcome to stay here with the boys. But she has always been a person who uses those she can get the most out of and I guess Neverwhere seemed more financially stable or something.

I obtained a restraining order on him and I am going to be divorcing him and going for full custody of our 4yo son. Amanda is still living here and has been spying for Neverhwere. It's very odd and crazy behavior. She keeps her kids, my stepsons, locked upstairs in her attic bedroom with her. My 4yo still sleeps in the room they all used to share, but his brothers no longer sleep with him. It's killing him and he misses playing with them and snuggling them at night. They are 10 and 8 and basically go to school and spend the rest of their time in their mom's room every day. I don't understand it.

I am happy to be moving on from an abusive marriage and happy I can give my son the life he deserves, but it's such a long road and it was such a lot of work I put into my marriage....it feels like a waste now and is just disappointing.
__________________
--Jade, 31yo single f
Neverwhere - soon-to-be-ex-husband. We have a 4yo son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. She lives with him.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother and my roommate
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  #23  
Old 01-16-2014, 04:31 PM
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Where I see my poly life going....

I'm not actively poly. It was an experience started with my husband and his ex wife and now.... I have DCF and divorce and my son to worry about so my thoughts on this will have to wait.

However, I watch shows like Sister Wives and wish I could have that kind of closeness with a family like that. I want my son to have siblings who live with him, instead of having to see his brothers every other weekend or something. I crave a bigger family. Maybe it stems from being an only child. Maybe it's just how I'm made. I don't know. But the situation as it is makes me sad.
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--Jade, 31yo single f
Neverwhere - soon-to-be-ex-husband. We have a 4yo son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. She lives with him.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother and my roommate
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  #24  
Old 01-17-2014, 08:50 PM
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I met with my caseworker from DCF today.

Apparently polyamory is illegal in my state. Who knew.... all those people who dated more than one person in high school while looking for "the one" were doing something illegal.

I was told I'm not allowed to date right now and that it would be good if I moved out of my house, which I said I'm more than willing to do. Since he told Amanda the same thing and she doesn't show any signs of leaving. He was at least happy to hear that I had a restraining order on my husband and planned to keep him away from me and my son.

This world has become quite interesting for me.
__________________
--Jade, 31yo single f
Neverwhere - soon-to-be-ex-husband. We have a 4yo son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. She lives with him.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother and my roommate
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  #25  
Old 01-18-2014, 09:51 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JadeDoor View Post
I met with my caseworker from DCF today.

Apparently polyamory is illegal in my state. Who knew.... all those people who dated more than one person in high school while looking for "the one" were doing something illegal.

I was told I'm not allowed to date right now and that it would be good if I moved out of my house, which I said I'm more than willing to do. Since he told Amanda the same thing and she doesn't show any signs of leaving. He was at least happy to hear that I had a restraining order on my husband and planned to keep him away from me and my son.

This world has become quite interesting for me.
Are you sure the case worker wasn't talking about polygamy, not polyamory? Or is he talking about adultery and/or bigamy? I would ask to see the wording of the legal code for your state. Ask him specifically what he is referencing when he says that and where you can find it. Many states have their regulations and statutes online. Meantime, check out this thread here, maybe something posted there could be helpful: Legal links?

I also find it shocking that the caseworker said you are "not allowed" to date. How backward-thinking. Dating does not always mean sexual liaisons. Still, it's a good idea to "behave" until the dust settles.
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 01-18-2014 at 09:56 PM.
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  #26  
Old 03-02-2014, 07:40 PM
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Default New Beginnings

I've been forced out of my marital home by my Neverwhere, Amanda, and my MIL. My MIL had her name on our deed to our house so she moved from TX to our home one night at 11:30 at night. So crazy. She ranted and raved for two hours at me and Mark.

Fortunately my son was at my parents' house and saw none of this. Mark, me, and a roommate now have a peaceful apartment and my son lives with me too. Temporary orders were this past week and I was given sole legal and physical custody, with his father having every other weekend visitation and every Wednesday. Honestly, I think that's too much with all the drama still going on at that house, but I am glad my son gets to see his father.

Amanda and Nevewhere appear to be together now and he's allegedly with several other women. None of this concerns me except the Amanda part.

But the good news is... I am free. Our marriage had some really great times and I will always hold onto those and be thankful for my son being the best thing to come out of it. But now I can move on and know that no one runs my life anymore. DS4 and I can live happily. He can see his dad and his brothers a couple times a month and I can raise him safely and happily here with me. I am so thankful for that.

I am going back to school and have leads on some part time work. Thanks for the support I've found on this board.
__________________
--Jade, 31yo single f
Neverwhere - soon-to-be-ex-husband. We have a 4yo son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. She lives with him.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother and my roommate
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  #27  
Old 03-16-2014, 03:16 AM
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I didn't know where else to vent about this. If I talk to my friends I will just get a lecture. If I talk to my parents it will just make me sad. I can't text my soon to be ex husband, obviously. My roommates are at work and they'd be upset with me too. So I'll let it out on this anonymous forum.

I miss my husband.

I hate that statement. What is there to miss? He was verbally abusive our entire marriage. He made me feel like I was a loser who didn't deserve anything. We were separated at the time our son was born because he had cheated on me with his ex wife. I went through the last two months of my pregnancy alone and the first few months of our son's life alone. I can't have any more children so my one experience with that will always be with him.

He's an alcoholic. He struggled with it our entire marriage.

I also saw him work on a lot of stuff during our marriage. I also had someone who knew me better than anyone, someone who I could talk to non-stop and he'd talk back and we'd just turn the radio off in the car and discuss everything on our minds for hours. We would read books to each other...had a great sex life.... he made me feel safe (ironic, right?)

I am stronger now. I can make it on my own. I enjoy raising my son by myself and not having to worry about the crazy ex wife, my stepsons (whom I love but who aren't the best influences), my awful MIL or SIL, etc etc. I don't have to be put down every day. I am enjoying life and I have big plans for myself, but....

I miss him. And I feel like a loser for saying so.
__________________
--Jade, 31yo single f
Neverwhere - soon-to-be-ex-husband. We have a 4yo son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. She lives with him.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother and my roommate
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  #28  
Old 03-16-2014, 05:06 AM
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You're not a loser, you're a winner. You are being honest about how you feel - and it's understandable. He and the life you had with him are familiar, and you are facing the unknown right now. Even though you are happy to let go of certain things (and people), and excited about living your life on your own terms, there is always comfort in the familiar even when it is painful. That is a major factor in why people stay in abusive or less than satisfying relationships. It is always easier to go with what you know than to have to figure new things out and navigate strange waters.

Eventually, being on your own will be less strange and you will not miss him so much. But don't beat yourself up for feeling this way now. I think you are now heading toward wonderful things.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #29  
Old 03-16-2014, 06:32 AM
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Thank you very much for that. It was encouraging to read.
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--Jade, 31yo single f
Neverwhere - soon-to-be-ex-husband. We have a 4yo son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. She lives with him.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother and my roommate
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