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Old 01-14-2014, 01:55 PM
chingu chingu is offline
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Default Not Poly-amourous yet


I have been in love with a woman for the last two years. We are in an open relationship tat I would describe as polysexual and not polyamorous. She has requested that I dont have sex with any other women, but is okay with me being with guys. She encouraged the bisexual side in me slowly that I didnt know was there (I had never been with a man prior to being in this relationship with her). Before I would have described myself as heterosexual heteroromantic, now after two years I'd say I'm bisexual and heteroromantic. She is straight meaning heterosexual and heteroromantic, and is a self described slut. Both of us now have no strings attached sex with guys, separately. We dont engage in swinging if that means partner swapping, especially because she wouldn't want me with girls.

We are still maturing and growing our views and in our early twenties. A lot of firsts keep happening for us. This week she had her first threesome (with two other guys, not me). I was insecure about openning up to allow her to kiss guys before, but she did that this week too (she would usually just fuck them).

I'm going to propose soon and if we get married I'd be more willing to open up the relationship to allow her to date with guys a bit, as long as I'm still the primary. I always try to take the leading steps as far as overcoming my insecurities and allowing her a little more freedom each time. However, I think I'd also be perfectly happy with a mono-amourous polysexual relationship, and she agrees with that too. We are very content at this stage and dont feel a need to introduce something new or rush things.

Also, the other good news is that I am intensely turned on by her having lots of sex, and she is intensely turned on by two guys fucking as well (probably why she pushed me so much to do it).
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Old 01-14-2014, 02:02 PM
chingu chingu is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4

Oh, books Ive read somewhat related to polyamory: Sex at Dawn, Ethical Slut

Books she has read: Ethical Slut.

An Asian language is her first language so Sex at Dawn is rather dense reading for her.

I'm up for reading suggestions.
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Old 01-14-2014, 02:29 PM
london london is offline
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Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

Seems all good. The only issue I foresee is if you start to want to have relations with other women and she is unable to overcome her insecurity around that and isn't able to let go of the double standard.
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Old 01-14-2014, 07:37 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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Greetings chingu,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Some good poly-related books I've read and/or heard good things about are:
  • "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino.r Ryan and Cacilda Jethá.
  • "Polyamory: the new love without limits," by Deborah Anapol.
  • "The Polyamorists Next Door: inside multiple-partner relationships and families," by Elisabeth Sheff.
  • "Polyamory: roadmaps for the clueless and hopeful," by Anthony Ravenscroft.
  • "Open: love, sex, and life in an open marriage," by Jenny Block.
See also our Book and Website Recommendations thread ... and Franklin Veaux's poly pages.

I think you'll find a lot of helpful info throughout our site, and you can post thoughts, questions, and/or concerns as needed as well. Sounds like you have a good understanding with the woman you're with, and that it's evolving as you go along. I hope Polyamory.com will help that continue to be an enjoyable process.

Kevin T., "official greeter"


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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Old 01-14-2014, 08:22 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 519
Default not really poly

Sounds like you have a good thing-- only its not really poly. Things like arbitary primary partners. .... or being okay with your partner having sex with others, but not falling in love.
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Old 01-15-2014, 07:59 AM
chingu chingu is offline
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Thanks for the book recommendations! I remember that name Tristan before, I'll look into picking up Opening Up first.

Yes Poly in practice, we are not polyamorous in that we do not have romantic love outside of each other. We are monoamorous and polysexual at the moment. Considering we started out in a closed relationship, we've opened up a little. I dont think there is anything "arbitrary" about the decisions we've made so far, they are well grounded in the facts of reality and our personalities. It is also redundant to mention that we are not yet poly-amourous since that information is the explicit title of this thread.

Last edited by chingu; 01-15-2014 at 08:02 AM.
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