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  #111  
Old 01-11-2014, 04:58 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
He had a fun playdate with Ivy. That's all I want to know. He wants to give the details, I don't really care.
I was always happy to hear about Yo and Prof's meets and dates. We had some fun chats about that. But I am still stuck on Monday's revelations and not feeling terribly compersiony right now.
I am losing interest in trying to stick it out. But I should try, right? Isn't this the tough part? This is what I am supposed to communicate through? . . . I also feel that if I give up then I have indeed proven to him that he was right in not saying anything. I am not sure he would get the difference between it's not the other partners, it's the lying.
I know we always wish others would understand how we feel, and get it from our perspective, but unfortunately that isn't always possible. The fact is, no matter his reason, he consistently lied to you about things that he knew would matter to you. So, now, you're not feeling so hot towards him anymore - nothing wrong with that. However, you are now trying to stick with something that doesn't feel right, because you think you ought to? That is cause for concern, I think. How does that honor yourself and our own sense of what's right? Each relationship is unique. You can say, "Oh, I always walked away in the past, so I should stick it out now," but that's like trying to drive a car forward by only looking in the rear-view mirror. The past is past, you are a different person today. In the here and now, what do you want? How have his lies affected you? Do you even like him as much as you did? Does your heart and body cry out "Yes!" at the idea of being with him?

Good, caring relationships, no matter the level of commitment, don't have to be all angsty and full of hard work and shit to get over. You deserve to have good, trustworthy people in your life and relationships that are honest and not full of deceptions, manipulations, and strategizing.

You have a right to choose who is in your life, with whom you want to spend your time. He doesn't get to dictate that. Doesn't really matter whether he understands or not that it is his lying that rubs you the wrong way -- you owe him NOTHING, my dear. Remember that.
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Last edited by nycindie; 01-11-2014 at 05:04 PM.
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  #112  
Old 01-11-2014, 05:06 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Yes, I get that I could be trying out the new "communicate and work through it philosophy" with the wrong person.
It has been less than a week since the conversation and we haven't had a chance to talk about it. I think I need to. I am stuck on the connection and support that he has shown, that was all real. I am stuck on the fact that he said he thought I couldn't handle the truth, Prof said the same thing.
"What do I want?" Good question. I hadn't thought about it that way. I want to keep on seeing him, I want to maintain the relationship. I want him to be honest going forward. I want me to be honest going forward. I want to know if a new sex partner has been added. I want to the IM chat to keep pinging. I want to keep exploring sex with him. I want to see if we are closer now he has told me all.
Wow, there is some clarity. That is what I want.
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Last edited by Atlantis; 01-11-2014 at 05:39 PM.
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  #113  
Old 01-12-2014, 07:12 PM
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Chatted to Kip. I am ready to let it go and move on. Generally, on the whole, it is fun and fairly stress free. Lots of positives, one tends to focus on the bad parts when blogging. He is very enthusiastic about being open and honest; wants to give the gory details about Ivy. I have declined and will work on setting up some kind of communication agreement. I think just knowing there are new partners and that safe sex is assured, then that's pretty much all we need to know.
Does that sound about right?
If something particularly interesting or relevant happened or just general news about partners, that is ok. I have given him more... what is the word...agency? than I should. I think it will be interesting times ahead for communication. I want to give less, he wants to give more.

OKPea texted last night, we are meeting today for a wee bit. He said he has time tonight but I have the kids. The schedules might be hard to match. Oh well. He is very hot
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  #114  
Old 01-12-2014, 10:14 PM
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Leo really likes to talk about his paramours. I am very strict that I don't want to hear details about sex, but I let him talk about pretty much everything else. He doesn't stress me with talking too long, but he really wants to share this wonderful thing with me. In his mind, and mine, sharing the good and the bad is part of being in a relationship, and this is good. It's uncomfortable sometimes, but he is so excited and happy that it's hard not to give him such a small things. Of course, none of this is one size fits all, right? But it might be worth a shot to push past the uncomfortable and let him share his excitement.
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  #115  
Old 01-12-2014, 10:42 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Hey Southern Gal,
I under any other set of circumstances I am more than happy to hear about new lovers. It is just the timing with the Monday big reveal. Anyway, we did chat a little about her, I am happy that he is excited. As you say, I don't want to know graphic sex details, not yet, but probably will be more open to it down the line, he is popping out with them without prompting. Definitely enjoying his NRE and it is sweet.
OKPea and I do not match on schedules at all. It would be causal sex, no going out activities.
What do you think forumites? Do it anyway? He is very cute, I love the accent, at least he can't go on about mine when he has one too! We had the STD talk, my papers are more out of date than his. My last testing appointment ended up with little surgery instead , so it got lost in the shuffle. I have an appointment for 2 weeks.

I saw Prof, he might be buying a property that is just what I am looking for. It would be a share with a couple (not him). It opens up a really excellent school district option, one of the most desirable in the state and a ton of new work opportunities for me. It is right at the edge of where I can legally move the kids too. I saw a job last week that I really wanted to apply for but thought I can't realistically manage the commute and the kids, also rents up there are ridiculous.
I have been looking online at new places to live and new jobs a lot recently, I am dying to move. Also, opens a whole new world of dating and just life experience possibilities, so while the distance is not huge from where I am, probably 15 miles, it cuts out a huge amount of the evil drive and the kids school would be on the way, and only 15-20 mins to take them to the ex. I am very excited, it does depend if the couple are interested in sharing with a single mum with 2 small kids.
I am going to apply for the job, these things never move quickly, takes a while to get the application and recommendations together. If the pay hike is what I expect it will be then maybe I could still afford to move on my own. Worth a try
Yes, I had a quickie with Prof. It was great
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  #116  
Old 01-12-2014, 11:18 PM
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I understand where you're coming from.

OKPea sounds like fun and easy, as opposed to all the big stuff you've been dealing with. I'd give it a go if I was you. Every woman shouldhave the chance to have a fling with a hottie! Might even hit a FWBsituation. Actually, that's how Leo and I started. I met this fabulously hot (younger) guy for coffee, became FWB, and it eventually changed. Not a typical response but I can at least wish you luck and amazing sex! :-D

Good luck on the house front!
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  #117  
Old 01-12-2014, 11:41 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Southern Gal,
I was coming back to edit OKPea out. Didn't think I should engage with someone who straight up said they don't have the time for a relationship , but after reading your response I'm thinking, why not? Indeed, it is one of life experiences to have sex with a much younger hottie. And he is so hot.
And his schedule will still not interfere with me finding someone who does want to go out.
I am again realizing that my available time is quite limited. I am not as free as I sometimes like to imagine. He did ask me out for next weekend, but I had to say no. I am not paying for a sitter for just sexy time.
Straight up booty call, I need the little devil emoticon
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  #118  
Old 01-13-2014, 02:43 AM
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You can still do the whole date thing. Go out, have some fun, then get sexy. He doesn't expect otherwise. It might be worth a sitter. If not, you'll find an opportunity.
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  #119  
Old 01-14-2014, 02:21 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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SothernGal, it is worth asking him what his Saturday idea is, see if it is worth paying a sitter for.

Kip and I are on NC for a week. We had a 40 minutes talk on the phone this morning, I can't even remember half of it, but he needed time to think. I thought it was a straight up break-up call. I called him back in the afternoon and started with , "this needs to end," another 30 minutes later and he has sort of persuaded me to give him some time and thinking space. We both admit we are addicted to this relationship, first step right?
I did say I was hoping he would support and also agree to a break-up but he wasn't prepared to go there yet.

I get home and write a fairly brief, bullet point email. A short list of what I want,( thanks again NYCindie) what I think we need to do to go forward and saying NC for a week to give us both a break from this and some distance.

I requested a short confirmation of the email, which he provided.

My head is still being over-ruled by something.. needs, wants, desires. I need to stop beating myself up about not being strong enough to really put my foot down.

On a positive note, I requested letters of recommendation from my bosses, one of them might know the director at the opportunity. And I will work on my application tomorrow. If nothing else, the bosses are aware that I am looking for a career advancement that is not available where I am until I get more experience. I would need to go out to somewhere new and then come back.They are all very supportive. Also, they said they would keep an eye out for anything appropriate.

I feel good.
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  #120  
Old 01-14-2014, 03:44 AM
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I think asking about Saturday would be a very good idea. Keep an open mind, too. Leo and I went to play mini-golf one night & had an amazing time. Silly, but fun.

I wish you great luck on the job front. Feeling more secure just can't be bad!

As for Kip, I don't know what to say. I sincerely hope if you decide to keep wirking on it that he recognizes why the ying was a probem and works with you to get your needs met. Relationships can be hard work, but they are occasionally very worth it.
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