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  #1221  
Old 01-10-2014, 05:21 PM
SlowPoly SlowPoly is offline
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Smile My two little, happy, poly families

I'm new here, but my poly life has been in process for a long, long time.

I have a co-parent (W) who has always been poly, but we were de facto monogamous for well over a decade, having babies, getting to know them, sorting out what we wanted our lives to look like. Poly was always on the table from W's perspective, even one-sided poly if I couldn't get my head around W having others. I never went there.

Eventually, I went there. But only when I was philosophically committed to embracing equal freedoms for both of us. W was supportive through my first wobbly (and brief) poly relationships. Everything was open and honest. We never needed or wanted secrecy.

Another supportive friend was M, whom I had known years before W. M was single and familiar to me, and we communicated well. I wasn't looking for casual sex with new partners, but now augmenting our long-term, long-distance emotionally intimate relationship with rare in-person visits seemed natural and comfortable. We assumed it wouldn't grow into anything else. M wasn't interested in trying to become part of a big, happy, poly family, and we two were realistic about the unknown limits of our compatibility.

Rare visits became occasional, then frequent. Communication happened. Feelings and needs were checked on. W and I continued to focus on the health of our family and the growth of the people in it. W encouraged me to accept M's importance to me. I began to think of M as truly being family, to me, at least. We talked a lot: W and I, M and I, and the kids (and W) and I.

At some point we noticed we were settling into this. We realized that there was nothing that prevented this dual-family structure being sustainable. Any changes it brought would be only as predictable and as manageable as in any other set of relationships. We began to talk about the distant future always including all of us. No matter what that might look like, we (both couples) intend to grow old together.

While scoping out our next major move and developing criteria for what our new town should provide us, W and I decided to move our family closer to where M lived. Not to force a combination of my families, but to facilitate my moving between them.

This is where we are now. M and I get to spend more time together than ever. From each home, my other loved ones are close enough that I can be with them on short notice. Having chosen our new home town very carefully on other criteria, W and the kids and I are in clover. We all feel cared for and listened to. We want what we have, and we're open to change.

Happy? Yup.
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  #1222  
Old 01-10-2014, 09:58 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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I like it!
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  #1223  
Old 01-13-2014, 08:22 PM
SammyKijak SammyKijak is offline
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I LOVE BEING POLY!

My whole dating life ages 12-20 were serial monogamy, after a couple months together, I wanted some new stuff.
Ever since entering into a poly relationship with my now-fiance, even though I don't currently have anyone on my side and he does, I just FEEL freer!
I don't feel like i'm being judged.
I don't feel like a slut.
And he UNDERSTANDS that it's about loving multiple people, not just sex.
I love that, if I fell for someone else, I could be with BOTH of them instead of having to choose.
Even when I was younger I said I wanted a husband AND wife, and people said you can only have one or the other...
GUESS WHAT NO I DON'T!!
If I love someone I can be with them, if I love two people I can be with both of them!
I just feel like my heart is huge and meant to be shared, I feel like love CAN be kept between two people, if you're monogamous be monogamous, but MY heart is designed to be shared!
I have boundless love that explodes out of me and glitterains beauty over everything <3
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  #1224  
Old 01-15-2014, 10:31 PM
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... yeah, I kind of like that about poly too.
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  #1225  
Old 01-17-2014, 06:06 PM
Squashking Squashking is offline
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Default Our Journey

Howdy All.

This thread makes my happy. Honestly this forum needs more content about success.

I am a 40 something male in a mfmf quad which started 18 months ago. I love to learn and share experiences and so far, I am the only one in my tribe who wants to do that. :-)

For the past 22 years my wife and I have been exceptionally happy together. We have a wonderful family, we are financially secure, healthy, and very loving towards each other. Absolutely nothing to complain about. We have lived a perfect and happy monogamous lifestyle.

Then 18 months ago we fell into a intimate relationship with our very best friends totally unexpected one evening (the other couple are also happily married). We thought we were all completely nuts, scared at first but something about it seemed right and comfortable. The next several months was a roller coaster of emotions for everyone. All of us had challenges overcoming jealousy and possessiveness at different times. But each time we stumbled (sometimes stumbled hard!) we quickly got over it and moved the relationship forward one step at a time, sometimes giant leaps.

Now after 18 months things are absolutely wonderful, loving and supportive. Our families are always together. We share everything, we all have open and transparent communication, kindness and respect. Everyone feels that they have personally improved during this process.

Going through these dramatic changes together, developing together, made this work. It wasn't easy but I cannot imagine my life being any better or more fulfilling as it is today.

Thanks everyone just wanted to share some happiness :-)

~S

Last edited by Squashking; 01-17-2014 at 06:10 PM. Reason: typo
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  #1226  
Old 01-17-2014, 09:02 PM
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Yes, the forum could use more success stories -- probably because most successful polyamorists don't feel the need to frequent a poly board. They just go about quietly living their blissful/contented lives. So often it's the polyamorists who are in trouble who turn to Polyamory.com for help ... and while I admit that's what we're here for, it's still refreshing to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So thank you Squashking for sharing your story. Sounds like patience and stick-with-it-ness has paid off for you guys.
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  #1227  
Old 01-21-2014, 02:40 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Having a newborn in the house has been exciting. We don't recognize anything we do as different since we are just a family, so identifying poly vignettes is tough.

However with the newborn, we have had 3 of the 4 grand mothers over consistently for two weeks. 1 of the grandmothers (our gf's mother) has been very much part of the entire process having been there for the birth. Our families accept who we are, what we are and recognize the fact that its an amazing setup for the health of everyone involved. Not to mention the love flowing.

Seeing Baby J passed around between all of the parents and grandparents has been a blissful experience and I am sure is making these initial newborn stages far easier ..
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  #1228  
Old 01-22-2014, 01:50 AM
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That's awesome man.
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  #1229  
Old 03-13-2014, 09:34 AM
flarejeans9 flarejeans9 is offline
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