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Old 04-06-2010, 05:56 PM
noob noob is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 58
Default what to do when partner is supportive of other rlnshp but doesn't "get" poly?

So my husband is fine with my pursuing a potential relationship with my other love interest, M. We talked more last night, and he is even fine with me seeing him and spending the night with him (the only real tension might be over finances, since M lives far away...).

But in his head, he can't seem to divorce this "path" I'm on from the idea that I may very well eventually choose M over him. The best he can say is that me "leaving" isn't something he can help, or stop, and he wouldn't want to prevent that happening if it makes me happy...so I might as well pursue what is making me feel good.

I'm trying to get him to understand that I see him as primary and have no interest in "leaving" him for anyone. Although that could change (and could change if we were completely monogamous!), I am committed to him for the foreseeable future. We are married, and I do take that seriously...

Basically, I just don't think he gets the paradigm of more than one person at once. He says relationships are usually serially monogamous, and that's the model that is "normal" for him...so he gets me "leaving" him but doesn't get me staying married and seeing someone else indefinitely. It doesn't seem to make him jealous or threatened; he just doesn't seem to understand it.

So I'm wondering...is this just a question of not being familiar with other models, or is he hopelessly mono-minded?
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