Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-08-2014, 06:36 PM
marty marty is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 2
Default something nice to do...ideas

Hi everyone. My wife is getting into a relationship with another guy and we are planning for him to stay and most likely my wife and he will be having sex for the first time, they are both excited but a bit nervous (I am too). So he is going to stay with us...I'm going to go out and give them some time together but I want to leave them something nice as a little surprise when they get to the bedroom to make them smile and to help them have a good time.

I have no ideas really, anyone got any?

Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2014, 08:06 PM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

Are you absolutely sure that a gift "in the bedroom" will have the positive effect you hope for?
Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2014, 08:30 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,756

Heh, my first thought for a gift would be something like two small boxes of chocolate. Perhaps two red roses? Just thinking out loud here. Something symbolic and approving of the two of them sharing some special time together.

Heh, if you wanted to be lighthearted you could place a pair of gold/crystal butterflies on the bed. Depends on if they've a good sense of humor and would chuckle about that.

Or even just some little Hallmark card, a card that's blank inside so you can jot down a short note that you just wish the best for them and appreciate them. Perhaps mention something good that each of them do that you like.

If you do leave a gift, keep it light, short, and simple. Be careful not to leave something that would sound condescending, intrusive, or quietly resentful. This is their special time together. Have a care not to sound like you have to be in the middle of everything in order to make it acceptable. Just sayin'. Be aware of that.

Hope the butterflies soon settle for all three of you.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2014, 08:34 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 708

I kind of thought along the lines of london... I know I have brought some guys home that would find something like that amusing - but only guys who know my hubby. The guys who haven't had much interaction with him... Well, they'd have probably been squicked out and left immediately. So, how comfortable are you and he together? Do you have enough camaraderie for it to seem like a cute little gesture and not a pushy or presumptuous action?
Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2014, 08:56 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I think giving them privacy and leaving them clean sheets is gift enough.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2014, 09:22 PM
Tigergirl Tigergirl is offline
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 32

Nothing too personal/cutesy/funny/risqué- that's kind of a "nice" gesture that's really about reminding people that YOU exist during THEIR time together. If you want to leave something, think about nice amenities you'd find in a classy hotel. Perhaps a bottle of champagne or wine and some glasses? It's a nice gesture, shows you're supportive, but isn't weirdly personal.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2014, 12:35 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

I set up a hotel room once for Maca and a lady. I left condoms in the bedside table, replaced the hotel soap stuff with a set of her preferred scent, including soap, shampoo, bubble bath, massage oil.

Nothing with my name or anything like that. Just something to make their stay more romantic.

Also-because I didn't SAY anything-it was her assumption that he did it. He was thrilled I thought of it and thanked me when he got home for being so caring. She was just thrilled a guy was so thoughtful.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2014, 04:21 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Montgomery, AL
Posts: 303

I'm new around here, but I thought I'd chime in.

YMMV, but I feel like gifts or hotel rooms or similar things are just a back-handed way of inserting yourself into the other relationship. If it's not a triad, then it's a standalone relationship without you.

I have driven my poly gf to dates because she has no car. Ive even helped her get dressed and bro'd out with her doing it. But when you involve the OSO, thats intrusive.

If I were an OSO and someone got me a hotel room or left flowers by our bed or even put condoms on the dresser, id be thinking about that during the playtime. Maybe not a lot, but enough.

Who knows. Maybe yall are all good enough friends to where you're beyond that. Maybe it would just be seen as a nice gesture. But to me, it's a servile way of saying "Dont forget me!"

No offense intended.

Last edited by vanquish; 01-09-2014 at 07:49 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2014, 04:32 PM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,343

I agree with Vanquish here... although others may like the idea, I'd rather my bedroom time with my partner be ours alone. If my metamour wants to do something nice for me, great, but separate it out from the time I'm spending with my partner.

If they want to do something nice for me together, that's awesome and sweet, but not in the bedroom.
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 6 years.
Spinner: 52/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 47/F, Chops' partner of 6 years
Curls: 50/F, Chops' partner of 1 year

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2014, 04:35 PM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

I'd find it creepy if a metamour was heavily involved In something like that and feel even worse if my partner pretended it was them.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 09:52 PM.