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Old 01-06-2014, 07:44 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,168
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I am sorry you deal in this.

You have a long laundry list of your husband making and then breaking agreements.

At this time? Rather than change HIS behavior and either keep the agreement or NOT even agree in the first place? He's trying to talk you out of your feelings when you express upset at his behavior. Deny that you feel what you feel.

Basically doesn't want to be called into account and deal with his own behavior. So he blame shifts and minimizes.

Since it directly impacts your sex health and more when he behaves this way? Sure you have a right to be mad agreements are not being kept!

Could examine your own behavior though, since you cannot control his. I am going to guess. I could be totally wrong --- but here's how it seems to me.

Here he is making a mess left and right. This seems to be your behavior:
  • Despite his track record, I keep expecting him to make and keep agreements and be trustworthy.
  • Despite husband chronically breaking agreements, I continue to have unprotected sex with him.
  • Despite husband chronically breaking agreements, I continue to participate in relationship with him.

If any of that that is what it is here? Some of it I guessed right?

He doesn't really have to change anything. You are still around. *shrug* He can let you talk til you are blue in the face. He's still getting the pleasure of your company, and the work your put in to the relationship, kids, etc. He'd not going without. Since he's not changing his behavior any time soon, you could change YOURS.
  • Could stop expecting him to KEEP agreements he says he's going to keep. Could not make more new ones with him. Believe his track record. When you get mixed messages and the talk is one thing and the walk is another thing? "Talk" and "walk" don't match? Actions speak louder than words.
  • Could stop having unprotected sex with him and get you tested.
  • Could stop being in relationship with him.
  • Could let him experience natural consequences -- not be vindictive, but natural consequences:
    • DH, you choose to have unproctected sex? You aren't going to have unprotected sex with ME.
    • DH, you choose to break agreements? I don't make new ones with you, and I do not trust you any more. You are not a person of your word.
    • DH, you choose to not have A Word and are not trustworthy spouse? I have to reevaluate staying with you and continuing the marital relationship.
  • Could start making plans for your own happier future that are shenanigan free.

Up to you how you want to handle it. Again... I'm very sorry you are having all this happen, because it really stinks.

But you control your willingness to stay for more shenanigans. This is not ethical, honest, polyshipping.

You have every right to be concerned about how his behavior affects your sex health, and your emotional/mental health.

You have every right to walk away and withdraw your willingness to participate.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-06-2014 at 02:17 PM.
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