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  #11  
Old 06-30-2009, 02:36 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I assume others do too and get frustrated when they just settle for cheapness in their relationships.
We both need to accept that not everyone looks for what we do or emphasise the same aspects of relationships. Nice post Gorgeous..you continue to be my teacher as well as my boundless Love
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  #12  
Old 06-30-2009, 04:41 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Liked your comment Redpepper! I can see why Mono is so enamored. But, you're so un-American up there in BC, not driven by the all consuming American need to have more of everything...and new, new, new, lol. Funny but my wife is just like you. I've had to beg her to go shopping sometimes to get something for herself that she really needs or just plain wants. She's just not material at all.

With regards to your comment on quality. I think you hit the nail right on the head. These two women in my life are two of the finest quality individuals I have ever known. Hence, I have told them both many times how I don't want to finish out my last 30 or 40 years on this planet without them both in my life. I hope we can keep on going for the gold!
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  #13  
Old 06-30-2009, 08:36 PM
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One of the problems with NRE is it leads to NRECD - the 'come-down' when the rush wears off - which can feel like a 'let-down', and so can lead to rejecting the thing/person who 'disappointed' you and going off looking for something/one new to NRE with.

Personally, it was only a couple of years ago that I realised that for most of my life, I had been in love with falling in love - in a way, the people were secondary to the experience itself.
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  #14  
Old 07-01-2009, 01:33 AM
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very good point yoxi. I think that just like buying something new, some people enjoy obtaining new relationships in the same way. I think that might be why some people enjoy an open relationship. There is no need or expectation to go very deeply into caring about someone if you are under the definition of open.

I think the relationship that just ended for me was more an open relationship to the man I was with. I started a thread that was about this relationship ending....."emotions and their role in poly." He never said he wanted depth.... just friends with benefits. This proves to not work so well for me. At some point I need a depth and a transition into something long term with that... I don't think this man ever has reached the depth that I require. I doubt sometimes a lot of people have.... it makes me said, but I suppose it is their chose.

One night stands are the same way too really. Our friends who are new to poly recently had a one night stand with another couple who were much younger than them.... they were on top of the world about it.... was this a form of NRE about being sexy and horny and masturbating on another persons body? perhaps? I don't think they will see them again... but I have lived enough to know that it is a similar energy created in a new relationship.
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  #15  
Old 07-02-2009, 04:23 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Redpepper, you and yoxi hit the nail on the head. And it sounds like you too are discovering more than ever that you require that certain depth to your relationships that people who just want to be "open" don't. They just want to be "open". Big difference. And surely, some NRE does wear off over time with any new partner, or spouse or car for that matter. But there should be enough "energy" left for us to carry on with that person, rather than to just drop them like an old car, the moment we are no longer totally infatuated. NRE needs to be more than just "infatuation".
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  #16  
Old 07-05-2009, 07:33 AM
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In looking at NRE I had to determine what was the key factor that constitutes that energy for me. I don’t feel it was love, passion, sex or communication…those are stronger than ever! For me it was visions of the future.

I had that feeling like this would never change and the future we want could not be denied because we love each other so much. I felt that I could overcome my differing approach to sexuality and intimate relationships by the sheer force of my love. This was my NRE.

I know things aren’t as simple or cast in stone. I know this will not be the same forever. I have come out of my “future” NRE. It took me weeks to realize what was happening. I was obsessed with debating things in my mind. I actually practiced what I would say to re-shape our relationship..I practiced what I would say to explain withdrawing my intimate love and worked on not losing the best and most trusted friend I have ever known. Eventually, with help from her husband's advice through her, I found a working approach. I live in the moment, only concerned with loving her as much as I can in every second and helping her family grow in any way I can. I think realistically now, and try to approach our relationship in a way that will be in both our best interests….for now it is living in the moment.

There is a huge adventure ahead of us in this life. My head is held high, eyes open and I am prepared to work at holding on to what we have…. but my head is no longer in the clouds. It is back on earth where the work is.

I love her boundlessly, without equal and with everything I have. I have learned from my NRE and now just need to focus on giving her as much love as she can handle

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 07-05-2009 at 08:05 AM.
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  #17  
Old 07-05-2009, 04:45 PM
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I suppose we would be in this stage.... Although I have known and loved them both for nearly 4 years, after our love rekindled (not quite the right word, as it never died out, but I suppose, came back together) I was again on this emotional high. I talk about them incessently to anyone I am 'out' to and who will listen. My cube at work is covered with pictures of them and our family (20, I counted). I send them messages and little love notes pretty well every day. When I was there I wanted nothing more than to be around them constantly. Never to lose out on a moment when I knew the moments were counting down.
I can see how it can be extended with a long distance relationship. I don't think there's a relationship out there thats more long distance than ours. The waiting and longing and needing just draws everything out longer. Delayed gratification. Finally the feeling of being with that person (or those people) is so amazing and gives you such a high... I can defenately see it lasting longer.
As this new stage in our life begins (my moving out there, and lol I have known them both a long time and have been in their home so no worries here about the unknown and dangerous issues you were speaking about earlier) we will have to see how this goes...
There is defenately that 'depth' between us... as not only am I infatuated with them both (obviously I am) but am truely in love with them as well..knowing them and loving them individually for who they are... a perk of an online start of a relationship is you really get to know the person very well... I can see us all three, old and grey still together and loving one another wholly..
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  #18  
Old 07-06-2009, 04:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aussielover View Post
As this new stage in our life begins (my moving out there, and lol I have known them both a long time and have been in their home so no worries here about the unknown and dangerous issues you were speaking about earlier) we will have to see how this goes...
There is defenately that 'depth' between us... as not only am I infatuated with them both (obviously I am) but am truely in love with them as well..knowing them and loving them individually for who they are... a perk of an online start of a relationship is you really get to know the person very well... I can see us all three, old and grey still together and loving one another wholly..
I agree will all that you said.. But I dont plan to ever go grey thankyouverymuch.
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  #19  
Old 07-06-2009, 04:50 PM
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I agree will all that you said.. But I dont plan to ever go grey thankyouverymuch.
lol ok ok... you don't have to! hehe how 'bout... watching the grandkids play in the yard? hehe better?
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  #20  
Old 07-07-2009, 02:15 AM
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After a major break through I am happy to announce I am once again in a state of overwhelming NRE
Only this time it includes being able to look into the future with calm certainty...I love Repepper more and more every day...but now I do it without fear of loving her too much...she is a gift that I will always cherish.
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