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  #151  
Old 12-26-2013, 04:39 AM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Nope - I was the one who used the "jealousy" analogy. Your post was more akin to "they have bad things to say about it because they have a secret desire to BE it" and my brain immediately flipped to "they say those things because they're jealous of you". It felt the same way - well meaning, but not right (in my case).

The problem with both sentiments (IMO) is that it sets up a premise that makes it easy to avoid looking at the real reasons people have a hard time with an idea. They hate poly? They must want a second relationship! Aha! Wouldn't THAT be ironic!

Well... no. It's not usually that simple. There are a myriad of reasons why people would be against such a thing. If (in my friends' case) they see something they feel is hurting their friends, then Poly is obviously a "BAD THING". If they don't like it for religious reasons, that's another completely different case. There could be other reasons. Each reason, if you're going to discuss it with people, needs a different argument against it. Is it abusive? Well, no, not in my case, because of A,B,C. Is it against your religion, well okay, but your religion is not mine. Is it a guy who can't keep his dick in his pants? Well, in our relationship, it's more x,y,z and not that at all... or, who cares if he likes variety in his sex life, if everyone else is okay with it?

Reducing the argument to, "Well, they just want that for themselves," doesn't allow us to get to any of those reasons, and you really can't have a good discussion with people when you come at them with this argument. "Oh, you just want to be me," doesn't get taken well, and doesn't show the other person that you respect them and their opinion (which goes miles in trying to get them to respect you and yours).

Remember, I'm mono. Being told that any of the problems I had with poly in the beginning were because I just want a second partner of my own is laughable. I don't want that. Truly. And if anyone ever said that to me, depending on who it is, I may just shut the argument off right there, because it's obvious they don't want to hear the real reason behind any of it. May as well move on to talking about the weather. Or sports.

Hey, how about them Mets?
I agree, thank you for opening up my mind to that!~ ^_^


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Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
And why be so "on the attack" about people who don't like using the word "lover"? I don't like using it. I feel that it implies something more sexual than I'm comfortable discussing in general conversation. Partner or boyfriend works better for me.

Am I ignorant, uneducated, or a fool? I think my definition of "uneducated" and "ignorant" would be different from yours in this case. I've certainly heard the reasons for using the term, and I reject them for myself. I'm not ignorant of those reasons, and education has nothing to do with it.

Perhaps, though, arguing on the Internet about it is a bit foolish. I will concede that one.
Perhaps my words were a little harsh, perhaps it would be more accurate to say that the way I feel about it is: I like the word "lover" and I am using it the way it was designed to be used, and no matter what any one says about it, I will continue to use it and love using it!~ ^_^

Love,

ColorsWolf
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Last edited by ColorsWolf; 12-26-2013 at 04:41 AM.
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  #152  
Old 12-28-2013, 02:47 PM
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When I'm talking about all of us/both of them, I use "partners". When referring to them individually I say "my fiancee" and "my girlfriend". That might change if my girlfriend decides she wants a ring too.
"Partners" I find to be nice and neutral, especially considering we're all transgender.
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  #153  
Old 12-30-2013, 04:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Pen View Post
When I'm talking about all of us/both of them, I use "partners". When referring to them individually I say "my fiancee" and "my girlfriend". That might change if my girlfriend decides she wants a ring too.
"Partners" I find to be nice and neutral, especially considering we're all transgender.
That's interesting.~

Personally I don't believe in the concept of "gender" at all, I just treat people how I feel about them and how they want to be treated.~ ^_^

I think every thing becomes too complicated and restraining when I use pre-defined words and pre-defined roles like much of the Human species does.~

Love,

ColorsWolf
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  #154  
Old 12-31-2013, 05:37 PM
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I think I use "girlfriend" specifically because of its ambiguity. I know what I mean by it, and I always answer honestly when people bother to clarify. But if people want to think of that as my friend who's a girl, or if they make the connection and whether or not they actually ask if I mean girlfriend-girlfriend? I'm not too concerned about what other people think or know. Part of me enjoys the game of keeping them guessing. Maybe I even like the scandalous possibility that people might think I'm having a (blatant) affair with a woman, if they get that far...
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  #155  
Old 01-02-2014, 07:58 PM
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I call my wife my partner. It's what I've called her for years before we actually got married, and it applies to our relationship better than anything else I can think of. She's taken to calling me her wife more often, though.

As for our significant others, we tend to refer to them as housemates to people who don't know about our relationship. To people who do, they're our boyfriend and girlfriend.
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