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Old 01-01-2014, 01:40 AM
eagle eagle is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 1
Default New and wondering if I'm alone in this!

Hi all! I'll try to keep my description as brief but clear as possible. )

Married to my high school sweetheart almost 20 years. 3 years ago, I confessed to him I was worried that I was having an "emotional affair" with an older man who had become a mentor, and I asked him if he was ok with the feelings I was having. Instead of being repelled, he actually said he'd like it if things got sexual, because he thought that was really erotic. He had never told me because we had only ever been with each other (EVER!) and he thought I would feel he didn't love me if I knew he could so easily "share me."

In the very beginning, I told him I didn't know if I could share him. . .and he said that was fine.

That particular relationship did continue to evolve---but because of circumstances it can't ever be PHYSICALLY sexual, nor is it local. We have a lot of virtual fun though! LOL! I do deeply love him and he adds immeasurable dimension to my life. Realizing what a benefit this other relationship was to ME and to my marriage, I invited hubby to look for a special friend. After several months, he did connect with someone and has been in a long-term relationship with her for about a year now. She knows that I know and I support their relationship. She isn't interested in a relationship with ME, nor am I with her, so that works fine. It IS a sexual relationship, and hubby was very careful and respectful of my feelings as that evolved. I'm fine with that and happy that he has her. She is VERY good to him and very good for him (and therefore good for us.)

So then a few months ago, hubby asked me to consider finding another partner with whom I could cultivate a sexual relationship. He thought it would be good for me (and only fair since he has gotten to experience another person.) I was reluctant at first because of issues with self-esteem and body image, but now I have the most amazing OTHER, who seems to truly treasure me. And I also treasure him. That's about 3 months old.

So WHAT IS THIS? We are NOT swinging, never had a threesome, we don't have multiple partners. . .we both just have each other as well as OTHER love relationships. We have no desire to live with the others or "do life" with them. We are both just open to learning what we are supposed to learn from these other people in our lives who we love. But it sounds so completely unreal and against every social norm.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Any success stories, or warnings we should be aware of?

Thanks in advance! Looking forward to learning from all of you!
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Old 01-01-2014, 09:16 AM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

It's polyamory and a relationship style most of us on this site lead to some degree.
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Old 01-01-2014, 02:23 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,555

Yes, it's called being polyamorous. Many newbies think being poly means a couple sharing one lover, or constant group sex of some kind, but actually the way you and your husband and lovers are doing it is much more common, and successful, and less complicated, and less stressful, and less prone to triggering jealous feelings, than triads, or quads, or several lovers each.

Glad it's working out so well for both of you! How nice that you trust each other, and found this way for more sexual and love experiences, despite being virgins when you committed to each other.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
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Old 01-01-2014, 08:42 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,792

I have two husbands. In my case I have two seperate homes. My relationships are seperate but equal .
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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Old 01-01-2014, 11:15 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,758

Greetings eagle,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I would venture to say you have a type of polyamory one might call a "primary/secondary" model. You and your husband each have a boyfriend/girlfriend, who are secondary to your primary marital relationship. This doesn't mean you don't love and respect your boyfriend/girlfriend, it just means they're not as involved with your life as much as you and your husband are with each other's lives.

Some great success stories can be found in Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness. Also you might like the Life stories and blogs board.

All I can think right off hand to warn you of is to see that communication between the four adults here never gets compromised in any way. Communication is vital to making a poly relationship work. Also read as much stuff on the threads and boards here as you can. Post if you have any questions.

It sounds like you have a great setup and are wonderfully supportive to one another. Keep that up!

Glad to have you aboard.
Kevin T., "official greeter"


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 01-04-2014, 04:59 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by eagle View Post
So WHAT IS THIS? We . . . don't have multiple partners.
Well, yes you do. They may not be partners in the sense that your husband is, but they are partners in friendship and sex, etc., so yes, you have multiple partners.

Originally Posted by eagle View Post
. . . we both just have each other as well as OTHER love relationships. We have no desire to live with the others or "do life" with them.
That's still poly. You don't have to have or want a totally entwined living-together situation to practice polyamory. All poly is is the ability or desire to have multiple loving relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved. Sounds like that's what you've got... and it sounds great to me!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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