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  #31  
Old 12-29-2013, 04:45 PM
bofish bofish is offline
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I haven't seen the Temple Gradin film. I heard it got mixed reviews. Was it good. I actually enjoy ribbing people with disabilities when it is done in a suffisticated manner. There is scene in an old Seifeld where they take a disabled parking spot. As a consequence, a beautiful woman who uses a wheelchair ends up in the hospital. It was hilarious.

What was so damaging about this scene was that it was directing mocking someone's movement and comparing it to idiocity and drug use. A friend pointed out that he could have just as easily called it the "parkinson stage" or the MS stage... This work have been just as horrible, but not visceral for me. But why CP? The movie was based on a memoir, so maybe that's the term he used. But many people argue there is a hierarchy in disable perception:

For example: People who use wheelchairs where one of the first on TV because they look normal. It's just a normal person who can't walk. People are hesitant to mock MS or Parkinsons because these are conditions people can get, who affect a lot of people, and have good financial backing and socialal support - which they SHOULD. I work for the MS Society (they are wonderful). But other folks with congenital difference sometimes have a harder time getting airplay or support. For example, I wanted to have sugary on my knee, so I looked for a doctor who works specifically with CP - there is only one in NYC. He told me he wouldn't take me because I'm an adult and he only works with children. Often, there is a lot of backing for parents, but once people with CP become adults, they are sort of on their own.

All this is very complex. I'm just rambling.
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  #32  
Old 12-29-2013, 04:52 PM
london london is offline
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I found it quite a good film. I mean she was mocked and bullied, and it's a film about her so they have to imclude it
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  #33  
Old 12-29-2013, 04:55 PM
bofish bofish is offline
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O, I think the complaint was that the film showed a romantic interest, when she never wanted on in "real life." Is that true? Do you agree with the opinions that autism and asbergers are organic and merely a neurological difference?
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  #34  
Old 12-29-2013, 06:26 PM
london london is offline
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Nope, I can't think of a romantic interest. She had a blind friend and a mentor.

I think being on the autistic spectrum is a neurological difference that can physically and mentally disable people, preventing them from leading the sort of life someone neurotypical can have unless they have the appropriate intervention.
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  #35  
Old 12-29-2013, 09:57 PM
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Oldpolyman Oldpolyman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bofish View Post
Thank you OldPolyMan. I would love to hear more about your friend with CP. How does it manifest itself? Has she had many problems in terms of prejudice (getting a job and so on). Does she have a speech impediment?
No Wife Jo is like all of us in that she's retired, even though half of her body is somewhat frozen and spastic. Her pet peeve regarding prejudice is in the non responsiveness of the landlord, she has to push them to get them to do anything. Jo worked for many years in retail, had children, has 9 grandchildren now, and keeps house without an aide, even though her mobility has decreased significantly in the last 5 years. We've been emotionally married for almost 7 years and reaffirmed our vows last year.
Jo is the 4th and probably the final wife of the family, a family that spans almost 35 years.
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I try to love my wives this way, unconditionally! Husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her. Eph. 5:25

Last edited by Oldpolyman; 12-29-2013 at 10:01 PM.
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  #36  
Old 12-29-2013, 11:41 PM
blackestofnights blackestofnights is offline
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bofish: I completely feel for you. My beloved baby sister (24 but with the mental capacity of a 5yo) has CP and just thinking about that scene almost brings me to tears. Before my sister's back surgery to correct her spine, she would crawl around the house happy as a clam and DiCaprio's portrayal of CP was a dead on impression of this. The fact that this scene was meant to be and is taken as comedic sickens me to my core. I am incredibly disappointed in Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio for using this in the movie.

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I have had a weird couple of days. I have been 'cycling". I had a bit of anxiety because the in-laws were here. then, I got manic. I met someone who I'm very very interested in and vice versa. That set off all those nutty chemicals in my brain. Whenever all these emotions happen, the next, commonly, is depression and then, yes! normalcy. But here it it the despression.

Last night I had a TERRIBLE experience. I went to see Wolf of Wall Street with my husband. I loved the movies "Blow" and "Wall Street" so I thought this would be in the same genre. Far from it. But the terrible event was after D'Caperio took a bunch of luDes, he said "I had never had this phase before" (phase of getting high). He called it the "cerebral palsy" phase and lay on the floor acting like he had CP. The audience (a full house) completely burst into laughter. I was confused. I asked my husband "Is this funny?" He said "No" and insisted we leave. On the way home, I became dependent and had sucidal thoughts. I was thinking that I was ugly. I was very aware of my movements (which are pretty subtle for cP). I imagined everyone looking at my body and thinking it was gross and a joke, I had been told by a friend recently that I was too forceful and neurotic about disability and looking for prejudice, but this felt horrible. I began saying stupid things like "Is that why my ex doesn't love me?" Because his wife is beautiful and moves correctly? My husband reminded me, "No your ex does probably love you but he's married, a cheater, a compulsive lier and ...need I say more.

People hide people with disabilities. For years we were even put in institutions. But I am OUT THERE. I date, I go to movies, I ride the subway. I actually gave up looking for jobs (after teaching for 10 years) so I don't have to deal with employment prejudice, but I am pretty out in the world. I am questioning that. I have a loving husband, kid, friends, a neighborhood and a ton of work and books, so maybe I need to hide more in order to protect myself.

I feel very shitty.
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  #37  
Old 12-30-2013, 12:17 AM
bofish bofish is offline
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Default Thank you so much!

Thank you. It's hard to complain too much because the film was offensive in so many ways - but the rendition of CP was exact. We actually walked out then.
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  #38  
Old 12-31-2013, 06:53 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Sounds like a hideous film. And sounds like you've been having a tough time recently. That sucks. I hope that it eases soon.

I have started watching Breaking Bad with my partner. The actor who plays the son in it has CP. The character he plays has more physical limitations than he does himself. I very much like the portrayal. Plus he's an extremely attractive young bloke.

Breaking Bad itself I find addictive but incredibly bleak. Although I do think that the handling of drug addiction in it is done in a nuanced way.

I hope that your new years resolutions go well. They sound like good ones.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bofish View Post
I am trying to figure out the function of "dating" in my life. I'm poly. It's a little, for me, like being single. I have a family to come home to and security. On my dates, there is a lot of pressure off because I won't marry someone else and I don't care how much money a guy makes (something I here is common in dating).
I have often wondered about "dating". I've never actually done it myself and I think I might be interested to do so if I were ever single again.

Funnily enough, although I wouldn't describe myself as single, maybe I would appear so to you. I live alone with a dog - so no family to come home to. I wouldn't get married anyway (I have several moral objections to marriage) so that isn't on the table. I don't care how much money my partner makes. I earn enough money to run my car, my house and have a social life - I have no need at the moment to be looked after.

I agree, though, that it is less pressure. I have never entered into a relationship looking for marriage, security or money.

Frees me up to have relationships with people I get on with and who I think are going to be good partners. Also frees me up to have no romantic relationships at all for as long as I like. My life is as secure as life can be and happy and I'm supported by good friends so I tend not to look for romance. Last time I came out of a long relationship, I had lots of interests to follow and studying to do. It took 7 years before I felt I had time and space to be romantically involved with anybody again.

IP
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  #39  
Old 01-05-2014, 11:03 PM
bofish bofish is offline
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Thank you everyone for writing.

IP- I did watch Breaking Bad. I love the actor who plays Walter Junoir. I have heard that he exaggerates his CP for the show, but I've actually never seen him interviewed. I think that character is wonderful for the image of people with CP.

I have been very busy. I'm doing a kickstarter for the book I'm writing and it has been going well, but I miss writing. I have spent weeks writing people personal letters asking for funding. And then writing thank yous. It is hard, but I am very grateful for the support I've gotten.

So, boys. I ended up having sex with the older guy I mentioned before (we'll call him Paul). He miraculously decided that he was willing to use condoms. It was something out a movie. I was working at the library, he emailed. I took a cab to his hotel. He paid the taxi. We fucked. We went off to dinner separately. The sex was just OK, but it felt like such a relief, a letting go.

Then, I was all set to go on a date with a guy this weekend. I was really into him and he was the first guy who had asked me to do something other than meet for a drink. We emailed back and forth. But then, he vanished at the last minute. Then, he came back (a week later) and said that his flight was delayed and he'd be "in touch." By that time, I'd more or less gotten over the disappointment.

Then, I heard from the one I love. He emailed on Friday. Some brief back and forth .Then I went out with a friend of his. This is a touchy situation because the friend knows about "us" but my ex hasn't told him yet. (anything) But,. something big happened. Our mutual friend said that my ex finally started to talk to him about how unhappy he was with his wife... after 10 years! my "ex" doesn't open up to even his closest friends, so this felt like huge progress. I am happy for both of them
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  #40  
Old 01-06-2014, 04:54 PM
bofish bofish is offline
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Default Article on "The Blind"

I ran across this article yesterday in the New York Times. Even I find this level of prejudice shocking. Not to rant, but I do not know how we can call ourselves a civilized world with this level of prejudice.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/05/op...&rref=opinion&
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