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  #11  
Old 03-30-2010, 12:27 AM
saudade saudade is offline
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@Twig:
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I would have considered myself mono until I started dating S. She never made me feel like I was being hunted and that is what made my transition to poly possible.
Thanks!
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  #12  
Old 04-04-2010, 02:05 AM
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classycaveman classycaveman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrunkenPorcupine View Post
I don't control who I connect with and fall in love with. If they are poly, they're poly. If they're mono, they're mono.
Yup. I haven't met many poly people in my area except for a few in meetups, and there's only one that I would consider getting into a relationship with (have a date with her Wednesday!) so I just date monos casually (and honestly!) and if I happen to hit it off with any of them and they want to try being with a poly guy, great. If not, that's fine too.
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  #13  
Old 04-04-2010, 06:18 AM
EdibleStrange EdibleStrange is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrunkenPorcupine View Post
I don't control who I connect with and fall in love with. If they are poly, they're poly. If they're mono, they're mono.
Thank you! Up until I saw your post, I was legitimately confused! I'm not poly as a 'lifestyle' per se. I don't actively seek new relationships. I just kind of...fall in love. And then the people I love make me happy, and I make them happy, and we're all happy until we aren't anymore. Then we break up.

Sometimes, I'm only in love with one person. That doesn't make me monogamous. Sometimes, the person I'm currently with would like me to be with just them for the time being. That still doesn't make me (or them, for that matter!) monogamous. It's very similar to being bisexual, I think, in that I'm bisexual regardless of if I'm dating a woman or a man.

I'm poly all the time. Even if I'm dating one person. Even when I'm single. So how, without asking me, could anyone know that I'm poly? I don't carry a sign. And honestly? If some random dude/chick just...asked me that? Out of the blue? I'd be like "Worst. Pickup line. Ever." If you're interested in ME, then it doesn't matter who I love or who I fuck.

/tangent

So what I'm really getting at is, I don't "approach" monogamous people any more or less than I approach poly people. I love who I love. That's all I know how to do.
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  #14  
Old 04-05-2010, 05:13 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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hmm I recently read an article which I can't seem to find. It was an blog article simply trying to create to labels for poly people. One I believe was Feral and the other I forget (yes I am reaching here, hoping someone else read it and could link to it)

There are those that are passive in their search for love. They wait for it to come by and sweep them off of their feet.

There are those that are active or, I think the term was feral, in how they search for love or connections.

Maybe it is an introvert vs extrovert way of looking at it, maybe not, but I tend to be active. Looking for new people to meet. While I never actively look for a connection per se, I try to put myself out there to as many people as possible to the chances increase of me connecting with people. When I was younger I spent a lot of time NOT interacting with people...I was the odd shaped geeky kid who had a bbs and spent a lot of time playing d&d. Once I started playing football I spent time analyzing the differences in how people interact. I decided then to become extroverted.

Now I suppose the reason I post this is, how do you know if you aren't putting yourself out there? Are you (this is a collective you btw) hoping someone will be more active and come to you? I find leaving things to chance, fate or whatever you want to call it slow and boring. Maybe this deserves its own topic since it is neither a poly question or a question limited to specifically monogamous people
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  #15  
Old 04-05-2010, 05:49 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EdibleStrange View Post
If you're interested in ME, then it doesn't matter who I love or who I fuck.
Regardless of whether a potential partner is mono or poly, it will probably matter and probably should matter. Disregard for who your partner is fucking is a disregard for your own personal safety....think diseases. Also "who you are fucking and how many you are fucking" will impact many of the things a lot of people associate with commitment i.e availability and sexual fidelity. Being interested in someone may temporarily put the blinders of NRE on but eventually things of logical concern will seep back in.
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  #16  
Old 04-05-2010, 08:13 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I have to agree Mon.

I am poly-and I am ok with the guys being poly in practice (though they aren't right now).

But there are risks and anyone they were "fucking" probably OUGHT to want to know that they are both fluid bonded with me AND I have herpes......
Meaning-they each MAY also and that they each MAY be able to pass that on to that other person..
AND all the people "fucking" that other person SHOULD want to know that as well.......................
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