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  #721  
Old 12-27-2013, 07:44 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Exciting news about the foster caring thing, but I can't remember which age belongs to which child. Post a little scorecard here sometime for me ...

I'm really glad to hear about how well everything's come out for you, and I really like the way you validate both monogamy and polyamory. Now if the rest of the world could just follow suit.

I, too, think 2014 is looking like a good year. I hope that'll be true for all of us.

Thanks for sharing your journey with us, and I wish you all the best. Remember, you're always welcome here if/when you should ever need us.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Thank you.

The world cannot handle poly, yet. I definitely still believe poly works, so I will never invalidate it. Twelve years is certainly nothing to sneeze on. It was either/or for me. I gave myself an ultimatum. Poly or expanding our family. I know others can do it with ease, but I have been there, done that, and I have walked this path. I wrote the scripts on the wall, so these walls are not about to be talking again.

I knew my time constraints, and I did not have the resources (a la extra time) to balance a second relationship/dating, pregnancy/new baby/foster child, and maintain my career, the schedule we have, marriage counselling, our marriage, quality couple time, bonding time with both of my children, maintaining the household, ballet practise, parent association meetings, me time, anything extra with a new child, and basic sanity. I could not squeeze a relationship in without a new child, so I was not crazy enough to push myself to attempt to maintain both.

Even if we had chosen to go the biological route, I would have closed the door to poly. I remember how bat shit crazy it was during my pregnancy and after our son was born. Poly should have been phased out after the birth of the first child. I am chalking it up to knowing better now, so I am doing better.

I will post on other threads from time to time. I miss posting here and the people. November was busy, busy, busy with finalising the accreditation and preparing for summer break.

I do hope 2014 will be good for you. Are the plans to relocate still in motion?
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  #722  
Old 12-27-2013, 07:50 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Originally Posted by BaggagePatrol View Post
I have always read your words with a deep respect; you are eloquent and have wonderful self knowledge. Watching this journey of yours has been an honour in a lot of ways - an intimate peek into your psychology and private world. While there is part of me that wishes that my story had turned out like yours, I take a lot of joy in hearing how happy you are, how centred you feel, and how much you have grown in love and joy.

Wishing you and yours a wonderful Christmas Season. I hope you won't be a stranger on here - you have such wisdom and grace, and I know I for one would miss you.
Thank you, BP. I need to go read your blog and get an update. I hope you are doing well. I love the way you write. It resonates within my soul, and it fills me up.

It has taken me awhile to reach this point of happiness, authentic joy, appreciation of the love placed in my heart, self awareness, and growth. It has been a long time coming.

I hope your Christmas was a merry one filled with laughter, happiness, and good people. I hope 2014 brings you inner peace, clarity, joy, and so much happiness that you will not have room enough for it.
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  #723  
Old 12-27-2013, 10:19 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re (from FullofLove1052):
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"I do hope 2014 will be good for you. Are the plans to relocate still in motion?"
Oh yes -- as of about three weeks ago my two companions and I (and our two pets) moved from Albuquerque, New Mexico to Seattle, Washington. What an awful drive! much of it in a snowstorm to boot. But now that we are here, and settled into our new digs (for the next few years at least), things are really starting to shape up. I indeed think of the New Year's Day pending as a new beginning.

I am happy for you and your family. I think you have made the right decisions. And I agree with BaggagePatrol, it is an honor to share in your story and your company. I feel you'll continue to be blessed as time goes on. Congratulations on the newcomer to your home!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #724  
Old 12-27-2013, 10:41 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I am happy for you! How are you enjoying Seattle? Are you and your family getting settled and adjusting? Here is to new beginnings and fresh starts.

I am also envious. I want some snow. It was pushing 90 degrees [Fahrenheit] on Christmas. Australians and their seasons are reversed. The only version of a "white" Christmas I had was the sand on the beach and the icing on cake.

Thank you. I feel like I have made the right decisions as well. It has not hit me, yet. She fits right in like she has always been here. We are parenting and adopting a 14 year old. Dear, dear, dear!

It has been an honour to be on here and to be in the company of such amazing men and women. I have been catching up on the blogs and threads. I have not offered any advice in the relationships section because I feel a little rusty. It feels like I have not been actively poly in about 20 years. It is really sad. In the meantime, I am just going to read and play catch up.
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  #725  
Old 12-27-2013, 11:51 PM
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Heh, we didn't get snow. Just a dusting several days before Christmas, which melted in a few hours. This part of the world appears to be rainy and well above freezing for much or most of the Winter, with maybe a five-month Sunny season in and around Summer. It's very green here.

We love it here. We fell in love with Seattle a few years ago, and decided we wanted to move there. Now we have a newish roomy place in a 55/older complex (We don't quite qualify but they're supposed to have a 20% under-55 populace), no kids under 18 and it's just quiet and peaceful with nice landscaping.

My older brother and his wife (and her daughter, and her daughter's boyfriend) live nearby and we can now go and see them much more often than once a year. We get along with them probably better than anyone else I know, so this is a wonderful blessing. For years we had talked about moving to Utah (where I was born), but the old neighborhood has changed so much and so many important family members have moved away or at least become preoccupied with their own situations. I feel better residing in a State that's much more progressive than Utah.

I reckon we'd have not gotten much snow in Albuquerque either. Again a dusting at the most and soon melted, compliments of its clear sky, abundant Sun, and somewhat cooler but still above freezing daytime temps. The mountains there get some snow; that's about all. Course I guess you could count Mt. Rainier's snow from Seattle, but then you could count that in the Summer too with all the glaciers and its year-round snowcap (taller than anything in Colorado, and that's with the surrounding lands at just above sea level).

Yeah it's fun to contemplate the reversal of the seasons in the Southern Hemisphere. If I ever realize my dream of visiting Antarctica, I'll probably be going there in January which is rather counter-intuitive. Speaking of which, I wonder if you're far enough down under to see the Southern Lights? That'd sure be cool. Haven't seen the Northern Lights here yet (with somewhat scarce opportunities under usually overcast heavens), but hope to see them now and then.

As for Polyamory.com, you're quite welcome to lurk as much as to post, so lurk away and be happy. Good luck with your rascally teen-ager!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #726  
Old 01-12-2014, 04:47 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Default The New Normal

I was going to abandon my blog altogether, but I miss posting. These days my life is pretty straight laced and simple. (Boring, even?) Simplicity can be a good thing. We are settling into our new normal, and for me, consistency is quite a strange concept. Being the hands on mum and being so involved in my babies' lives is giving me more joy and fulfillment than the past several years of my life.

I have spent the greater part of the last several months thinking, and I have come to quite a few realisations. One of which is why I chose to abandon the need for a poly label. They no longer fit properly. Technically, I am in love with two people, but I have no interest in a relationship with the second person. I only want to be with my DH. I love her as she is, and I know she loves me. I just do not want a relationship. That is where I draw the line. It takes time, attention, work, and drive to maintain a level of love like what I have with my man. I have zero desire to maintain that with anyone outside of him. I do not want to sleep with her. I am okay with PDA. I do not want to date, schedule time away from my family, or anything of that nature. I like what I have with my best friend. My DH is supportive, and they both know how I feel. Our therapist is also aware. We are still in transparency and full disclosure mode. Polyamorous will never fit because I am not that. Polyamorist used to fit, due to how I structured relationships. Now? Eh. Not so much. I have a mono structure. I believe that most or possible all people are capable of loving more than one person but acting on it can be a beast of another kind. You cannot control who you fall in love with, and I am not denying that I care for my best friend. In my case, I only want that level with one person, so I guess you could say that I have chosen to be mono because of that choice. I am not worried about it. Whatever this is...it is working. My DH is happy. My children are happy. My best friend is happy. I am happy. I am not causing regression, hurt, or unhappiness in my marriage. I am not taking time away from my children. If I had some subconscious want/need for poly, it is being met. This has become one of those things that is unspoken because there is no need to speak on it in great detail. All the major players are aware of the moves that have been made. What else can be said on it when no changes will be made?

I am proud of us for fighting for our marriage and continuing to do the same things we started last year when this whole mess started. In spite of the very rough year and the challenges presented, we survived. I am blessed to have a man who forgave me for my mistakes and not only understands but respects the feelings I have for my best friend. He is supportive even though he was burned badly by the shit that I did. It takes a strong person to do that. I am thankful for every experience and lesson learned. Never will I ever hurt him in any way again. I will be damned. We have almost 12 years of marriage behind us, and I love that man with every past, present, and future beat of my heart. I am not letting him go. I made some mistakes then, and I can only aspire to be a better wife and mum now. I am truly happy with the direction and shape my life has taken on, and I have to give credit where it is due. I had someone who wanted a healthy marriage and fresh start as much as I did. I needed to get my shit together, and I am glad I did.

In non-poly news, we are gelling as a family with a new member. It is slowly coming together. We have not had any issues. We have started the formal proceedings for adoption. Adoption of older children is rather unprecedented where we live, so we are preparing for anything. We have an excellent team behind us, and everything appears to be running smoothly. *knocking on wood*

She is adjusting to being here with us. We have weekly family counselling sessions, and we have modified our schedules so that she is able to spend one-on-one time with everyone in our family. DH and I returned to work this week. He works 7-5, and I work 7-3. She has been with us since 20 December, and it is like she has been a member of our family forever. Our youngest goes to the nursery four days a week, so Nanny J has the girls during the day. She is excellent with children, and our newest member adores her. She is our angel because most people would probably have quit with the prospect of a foster child being added to the family, but she has welcomed her with arms wide open. She is playing a huge role in her integration into our family's daily lives.

My schedule looks like: Monday-Thursday: work from 7a-3p. Daily bonding time with my 5 year old from 3:30-4:30. We do something different every day. Bonding time with the 1.5 year old from 5-6. He likes to cuddle and lay up under me. (DH gets home at 5:15 or 5:30.) We usually start on dinner around 6-7 or whenever he gets out of the shower, and it has become part of our evening routine to cook together. Our 5 year old and 14 year old set the table together. We try to eat by 7:30-8, and we eat dinner as a family every night. We spend time with all three of them until they go to bed, or one of us might go out with friends. Our 14 year old is usually in bed by 11-12. DH and I are still committed to our daily morning and evening blocks on QT after the little ones are in bed. On Thursday afternoon, we have family counselling. Our new thing is ordering pizza and having a family night. We let them pick a movie, a game, or we go out somewhere.

We are off on Friday's. DH and I typically spend an hour or two alone in the morning. We usually have a breakfast date and dinner date on Friday's. Since it is the summer, we have been spending a huge portion of the day with our children. He wanted some one-on-one time with our son, so I spent most of the afternoon with our girls. We spent the day on the Great Ocean Road. DH and I had marriage counselling from 4-5:15. We made it home around 5:30, and we left out for date at 9:30. Our 14 year old cooked dinner, and it was great. Little lady knows her way around the kitchen. Babe and I had dinner, dessert, and drinks. We went for a midnight walk across the river, and we just talked and held hands. Very relaxed night.

Yesterday and today have been all about family time. DH and our daughters spent most of yesterday together. I had my son, and we went to a Dr. Seuss play, the playground, and had lunch. Nanny J had the day off. This morning we attended DH's church. We went to brunch, and we attended a solemn Mass at my church. We are at home now. The youngest two are taking their afternoon naps. Nanny J is out. Our 14 year old is entertaining some of her friends in the backyard. DH is hiding in his man cave.

I am not sure how the rest of the day will be spent. I am about to video chat with my best friend and check in with her. I am seriously not trying to cook Sunday dinner, so I am about to do a poll and find out what everyone wants. MenuLog here I come.

I hope you all are doing well and enjoying 2014. If not, you have plenty of time to turn this year around and make it better than last year! xo

Ry
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Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.
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  #727  
Old 01-12-2014, 06:09 AM
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Sounds like things are going well. Always great to hear.
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  #728  
Old 02-05-2014, 07:52 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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February is off to one hell of a start. First, I have pneumonia. I went in to see my GP for a completely unrelated matter. I ended up having two infected ears, pneumonia, and my blood pressure was quite elevated. Needless to say, an admission to the hospital was a given. I was the worst patient, but I digress. Muffled hearing, side effects galore (I feel high as a kite), symptoms of the infection...and I am still smiling in the face of adversity.

Everything is great with the family. Our oldest started Year 9 last week. The adoption has been smooth. It is a slow process, but anything worth having is worth waiting for. My mini me started prep on Tuesday. My son is gearing up for the terrible two's. To say the least, my children know how to keep me busy and out of trouble. Back to two times a week ballet practises, school runs from 7:45-8:45, co-curricular activities, parent club meetings at two schools, interviews, getting the oldest ready for Year 9 camp in a few days, etc. Oh, summer break. Why did you have to end so soon?

DH and I are still doing well. Next month marks one year since all of the hell transpired, and I am proud of where we are. I must admit that he has been my rock the past few days. I am grateful for him. Our 13th wedding anniversary is on the 15th. As long as I am feeling well, it will be a wonderful weekend. I have something planned, and I have been working on this for months. It has taken the help of his colleagues, family, and friends to pull this together. The man deserves a something for putting up with my shit, so if I could, I would give him the moon, the stars, and a planet. The good news is I am keen on Valentine's Day, so it is the perfect lead in to our anniversary. I am full of surprises and have sweet moments when the inner ice princess thaws out. We definitely have a lot to celebrate, and I want this anniversary and V-Day to be different. Before, there was always someone there, and for the first time, there is no other person. Our marriage looks nothing like it once did, so I am quite thrilled to usher in a new era and a new book.

Things with my best friend are the way they will continue to be for now and forever. She has been here visiting, but I have not seen her that much. She was kind of doing her own thing and taking a long overdue break. When I lost relatives, she was reeling from losses in her own family a few months prior. I am glad that she has slowed down and is not working herself into an early grave. I am sure her children would like for her to be around to see them graduate and have families of their own. If I have learned nothing else this past year, life is too short to be taken for granted.

Despite my current circumstances, I am happy and smiling. I read on here from time to time. I am passing time now by reading the blogs. I may not always be active, but I do care about people's journeys and lives. I do hope you are all doing well.

xo
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  #729  
Old 02-05-2014, 08:33 PM
CherryBlossomGirl CherryBlossomGirl is offline
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Default Get Well Soon!

So good to see a post on here from you; I love to hear updates about your life, and your loves in your life - your children, yourself, your husband, your marriage - it all sounds like it is operating in harmony. Sorry to hear that you haven't been well, and hope that you feel better soon! I'm big on re-upping my probiotics after a stint like that.
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  #730  
Old 02-05-2014, 10:55 PM
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Always good to hear from you Ry. Hope your body mends from these multiple bugs soon, allowing you to have an awesome 14th and 15th.
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