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  #11  
Old 12-27-2013, 04:39 AM
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shurikenlove shurikenlove is offline
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Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
...meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are two babies who didn't ask to be brought into any of this. Who cares if he tried to get her pregnant. Who cares if your pregnancy was accidental. Does this somehow make you a better person, or he shouldn't be buying diapers for his kid because you think he deliberately impregnated his wife (as if that's some crime) or what exactly does accidental and deliberate have to do with anything? These are simply two babies who need diapers, food, love, holding, peaceful environments ideally, and some stability from the adults in their lives.

He should be helping his wife out with a brand new baby. He should be buying diapers for his own child. Frankly, he ought to be buying diapers for both his children. It's beside the point whether you need his money or not. That's his child.

I hope all three adults involved can stop focusing on themselves and pointing fingers and start putting these two brand new babies first.
I don't know what logic you're using, but getting your wife pregnant just because your girlfriend is pregnant is not smart. Newborn care is hard and new moms need support. The kids are 5 weeks apart exactly. I didn't say anything about being a better person, but I also need support and G only supporting L is messed up on his part. I am the only stable one in the group. G wasn't around for most of my pregnancy and only supported L. After N arrived he tried a little, but he kept guilt tripping me for not including L more. The post partum period is very difficult and I wanted time for G, N, and I to bond. Just because there are babies involved does not mean my feelings or needs go away. What he ought to be doing and what he is doing are two very different things. I don't know if you know anything about giving birth, but taking care of mom is taking care of baby.
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  #12  
Old 12-27-2013, 04:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
Would it be easier if you guys lived together or next door like in a duplex?
Probably, but her parents are paying their rent right now because they are struggling financially. That's why I pay for all of my own stuff and don't ask him for money. If we moved in together I'd end up paying for all of us and I wouldn't have any money left over.
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  #13  
Old 12-27-2013, 05:00 AM
scarletzinnia scarletzinnia is offline
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It sounds to me that G didn't want to have a child with anyone but his wife. And it certainly sounds like L didn't want him to have children outside their relationship either.

If this is the case, I am wondering why you proceeded with the pregnancy in the first place.
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  #14  
Old 12-27-2013, 05:24 AM
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Originally Posted by scarletzinnia View Post
It sounds to me that G didn't want to have a child with anyone but his wife. And it certainly sounds like L didn't want him to have children outside their relationship either.

If this is the case, I am wondering why you proceeded with the pregnancy in the first place.
I only proceeded because he was so happy when I told him I was pregnant. He told me that they had discussed the possibility of me getting pregnant and they were both fine and happy with the prospect of having a family with me. I don't know why he would lie since I was willing to have an abortion if having the baby was going to harm their marriage. He told me that they both loved me and that he was thrilled to have a child with me. Reading your post has given me doubts though. I have some thinking to do.
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  #15  
Old 12-27-2013, 08:33 AM
london london is offline
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Just because there are babies involved does not mean my feelings or needs go away. What he ought to be doing and what he is doing are two very different things. I don't know if you know anything about giving birth, but taking care of mom is taking care of baby.
No, sorry. Your feelings, relationships and insecurities are irrelevant. You chose to have a baby. You come second
Break up with him, arrange visitation and forget your insignificant issues with romantic relationships
Be a parent, do what is best for your kid, forget what you think you need
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  #16  
Old 12-27-2013, 08:53 AM
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Originally Posted by london View Post
No, sorry. Your feelings, relationships and insecurities are irrelevant. You chose to have a baby. You come second
Break up with him, arrange visitation and forget your insignificant issues with romantic relationships
Be a parent, do what is best for your kid, forget what you think you need
So I'm supposed to throw away our relationship because there's a rough patch and we have kids? That's not very good advice. And a new mom's feelings are very important. Anyone who says otherwise has never dealt with post partum depression. I love N more than life, and I love G or N wouldn't even be here. But G told me I was co-primary not secondary and that L was on board with that. I simply need advice on how to deal with this the right way. I don't want bad feelings to fester among us. Obviously, I want what's best for N. Broken hearted parents is not high on the list.
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  #17  
Old 12-27-2013, 09:09 AM
london london is offline
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Well you obviously aren't a co primary

Your boyfriend issues are not relevant to your duty as a parent. Who cares who you love, right now your kids relationship with their dad is threatened. Breaking up with your kids dad might help that situatiom so you break up and arrange formal visitation
That's putting your kid first.
I've been a parent for 7 years and I'm a midwife. You often become a better parent when you stop focusing on romance & relationships.
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  #18  
Old 12-27-2013, 09:11 AM
london london is offline
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Yet you think a neurotic parent, one chasing a man and a dad who is there for you when his wife let's him is preferable?
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  #19  
Old 12-27-2013, 09:18 AM
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shurikenlove shurikenlove is offline
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Originally Posted by london View Post
Well you obviously aren't a co primary

Your boyfriend issues are not relevant to your duty as a parent. Who cares who you love, right now your kids relationship with their dad is threatened. Breaking up with your kids dad might help that situatiom so you break up and arrange formal visitation
That's putting your kid first.
I've been a parent for 7 years and I'm a midwife. You often become a better parent when you stop focusing on romance & relationships.
His relationship with N isn't in any danger. He sees N every day except Saturday and Sunday. He works nights and I work days so he takes care of N while I'm at work. L and J are with him sometimes, so the kids see each other often.
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  #20  
Old 12-27-2013, 09:24 AM
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Originally Posted by london View Post
Yet you think a neurotic parent, one chasing a man and a dad who is there for you when his wife let's him is preferable?
I am hardly neurotic. We haven't had any issues until recently. My first suggestion when L started acting strange was no more overnights or dates until she was feeling better. He comes over when he gets ready. He has a key. I recently told him that he was making things worse by coming over when she says she can't handle J by herself. I don't see where I'm the problem. I don't interrupt his time at home. I've set it up so he can come and go as he pleases, and I have arranged for other childcare when he needs it. Feeling pretty accomodating over here. Loving my child doesn't mean I don't exist anymore.
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