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  #61  
Old 12-21-2013, 03:33 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Ah, that sounds right.
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  #62  
Old 12-22-2013, 02:10 PM
Dana Dana is offline
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I'm confused about why everybody is jumping on the idea that the BF is somehow unbalanced or a bad guy. What did he do? He got hurt when she ranked her relationships and wants the option to know a child who *could* be his? I can't help but wonder if the gender here were (and could) somehow be transposed, if you would all feel the same way. For some people, a baby is a BIG DEAL. If some man were out there gestating a child that could be mine, I'd be very concerned with getting at the truth AND I'd want to know that child. Because he has a penis, he shouldn't care and he shouldn't get to care? Not cool.
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  #63  
Old 12-22-2013, 02:25 PM
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Totally agree. I find that people have these double standards when it comes to parental rights.
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  #64  
Old 12-22-2013, 03:11 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana View Post
I'm confused about why everybody is jumping on the idea that the BF is somehow unbalanced or a bad guy. What did he do? He got hurt when she ranked her relationships and wants the option to know a child who *could* be his? I can't help but wonder if the gender here were (and could) somehow be transposed, if you would all feel the same way. For some people, a baby is a BIG DEAL. If some man were out there gestating a child that could be mine, I'd be very concerned with getting at the truth AND I'd want to know that child. Because he has a penis, he shouldn't care and he shouldn't get to care? Not cool.
If a man, came on here with the exact same set of core complaints of how the woman is trying to be controlling and manipulative. I would give the exact same advice. Kick her to the curb.

As for paternity. I leave my opinion out. Thats for a legal environment to decide. I do personally believe that paternal parents (both) should have a right and option to visit the child.

How that looks on paper and in their living location is up to courts.

Having the child should have absolutely 0 bearing on whether this person is good for a relationship.

I still say the man is a manipulative douche bag and should be kicked to the curb.
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  #65  
Old 12-22-2013, 03:15 PM
Dana Dana is offline
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He's being controlling and manipulative by asserting his legal position with a child that could be his? Well, you and I are going to just have to agree to disagree on that one. If he walked away completely, then he'd be accused of abandonment.

And I don't believe we could EVER know enough about a HUMAN BEING in a paragraph to *know* the merits of their worth.
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  #66  
Old 12-22-2013, 03:25 PM
london london is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
If a man, came on here with the exact same set of core complaints of how the woman is trying to be controlling and manipulative. I would give the exact same advice. Kick her to the curb.

As for paternity. I leave my opinion out. Thats for a legal environment to decide. I do personally believe that paternal parents (both) should have a right and option to visit the child.

How that looks on paper and in their living location is up to courts.

Having the child should have absolutely 0 bearing on whether this person is good for a relationship.

I still say the man is a manipulative douche bag and should be kicked to the curb.
Whereas I'm not even really considering whether they continue their relationship or not because their romantic relationship is of no importance right now. It's about everyone acknowledging who the father of the child is and making sure that baby knows who it's biological dad is and is supported in maintaining a relationship with him. Anyone else on the scene who is a stable and healthy influence and wants to commit to co parenting the child is a bonus.

I maintain that this guy hasn't done anything that suggests he isn't a suitable parent but he may not be a suitable partner for the OP. Especially after all this. Given that it is more likely that he is not the father, I would say that prevents him from being a non biological co parent for this child simply because he shouldn't be "on the scene".
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  #67  
Old 12-22-2013, 10:05 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana View Post
He's being controlling and manipulative by asserting his legal position with a child that could be his? Well, you and I are going to just have to agree to disagree on that one. If he walked away completely, then he'd be accused of abandonment.
.
Considering she was using condoms with the bf and trying to get pregnant by her husband, the likelihood that it is the bfs baby is rather slim and taken with the rest of the evidence it just looks like another tool to control the OP.
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  #68  
Old 12-22-2013, 10:24 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re (from katniss93):
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"If I break up with him he'll be so heart broken he will move far away and I won't see him again except for legal reasons if it is his kid."
In which case the kid (if the boyfriend is his/her father) would probably grow up without the company of one of his/her biological parents. So -- "If you break up with me, I'll do that to your kid." Isn't that what it amounts to? Sounds to me like his threat/plan is to make visitation an impossibility for the OP.
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