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  #31  
Old 12-18-2013, 02:06 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Getting a partner pregnant so she'll stay with you is a classic abuser technique.

I've heard from several sources over the years that in some/many jurisdictions a child born in wedlock is considered to be legally the child of the married couple no matter what the biological situation was which led to conception. If the OP lives in such a place then psycho-boyfriend can get all the paternity tests he wants but it won't change the legal parentage of the child.
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  #32  
Old 12-18-2013, 02:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm View Post
I've heard from several sources over the years that in some/many jurisdictions a child born in wedlock is considered to be legally the child of the married couple no matter what the biological situation was which led to conception. If the OP lives in such a place then psycho-boyfriend can get all the paternity tests he wants but it won't change the legal parentage of the child.


Actually, if a child is born in wedlock it is ASSUMED to be the spouse's. So name will automatically be on the birth certificate UNLESS, the husband has questions. After the birth, IF someone says they believe themselves to be the father and sues for paternity test, THEN it can be changed.
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  #33  
Old 12-18-2013, 02:51 AM
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OP, he sounds like a true nut job, saying you should stay with him because he's spent a lot of money, that your husband is no good for you, that he'll sue for custody, and so on. Holy shit, you need to develop better judgment and common sense about who you let into your life! Why do you let yourself be such an easy push-over? I've never been able to convince anybody who tried breaking up with me that we should stay together. When most people want to end a relationship, it ends. You need to find your backbone! Just stop calling/texting/emailing him. Have a plan to let your husband and/or other people deal with him if he shows up uninvited. File for a restraining order to keep him away from you. Next relationship, use better judgment and make sure not to confuse affection and infatuation for love.
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  #34  
Old 12-18-2013, 06:37 AM
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I disagree. It sounds like he is being manipulative.
Why, because he wants to see a baby that he believes is his? Because he wants to be recognised as the kids dad? How the hell is that crazy? The crazy part is him thinking he is likely to be the dad even though they used condoms. Wanting to have parental rights over the kid you believe you conceived isn't crazy. He isn't manipulating her into anything, he's telling her that he has rights and will ensure he gets them.
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  #35  
Old 12-18-2013, 06:38 AM
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Also, this guy hasn't done anything to try and make the OP pregnant.
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  #36  
Old 12-18-2013, 07:57 AM
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Originally Posted by london View Post
Why, because he wants to see a baby that he believes is his? Because he wants to be recognised as the kids dad? How the hell is that crazy? The crazy part is him thinking he is likely to be the dad even though they used condoms. Wanting to have parental rights over the kid you believe you conceived isn't crazy. He isn't manipulating her into anything, he's telling her that he has rights and will ensure he gets them.
The crazy is where he feels he has the right to katniss's affections because he spent money on her; an inappropriate sense of ownership is a huge red flag for abuse. The fact that he's trying to cowboy the husband out of the picture after only 2 months together is just icing on the cake.

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Originally Posted by london View Post
Also, this guy hasn't done anything to try and make the OP pregnant.
Perhaps there's a reason he believes the condoms were ineffective. Sure, it's a long shot, but it wouldn't be the first time someone sabotaged birth control.

Last edited by Emm; 12-18-2013 at 08:01 AM. Reason: Add link
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  #37  
Old 12-18-2013, 08:26 AM
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I just think he's doing what a whole lot of people do when they know the end is coming. They basically start emotionally blackmailing the person into staying in the relationship. This isn't always a malicious thing, or intentionally malicious anyway, they usually think that if the person just stays through this rough patch, things will get better. In this case, the fact he thinks she is carrying his baby just exacerbates his fear of being cut out of her life.

And yeah re the condom thing. I'm also confused/fearful of exactly why he feels the possibility of him being the father is so high. I hope it's because he's bad at Science and/or heavily reliant on the ?coincidence of her suddenly conceiving once he showed up, condom or no condom.

Last edited by london; 12-18-2013 at 08:30 AM.
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  #38  
Old 12-18-2013, 02:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spock View Post
There is the possibility that her husband knew there was something screwy going on and she ignored him, too.
A number of people have said it - this situation was dipped in red flags from the start. The fact that it has spiraled into this bizarre Mexican Stand-Off shouldn't come as a big shock to anyone involved.

As far as paternity and staying with this guy, separate those two topics out entirely.
  1. Paternity: if he wants to have a test done then that is governed by the laws of your area. If it turns out the child is biologically his then he can assert whatever rights he wants to and that the law will allow. This is 100% beyond your control so you might as well just let it go.
  2. Dating Him: this guy is very clearly an unhealthy fellow. I am not personally on the "abuse" bandwagon but it should be painfully evident at this point that he is not going to be an emotionally intelligent partner and should be scraped off of you IMMEDIATELY. But, that is 100% your call.

OP, I hope that you take this as a learning opportunity.
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  #39  
Old 12-18-2013, 09:41 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
Actually, if a child is born in wedlock it is ASSUMED to be the spouse's. So name will automatically be on the birth certificate UNLESS, the husband has questions. After the birth, IF someone says they believe themselves to be the father and sues for paternity test, THEN it can be changed.
In some jurisdictions the husband is always the legal father, no matter who the bio father is. And in some jurisdictions the paternity can be changed in favor of the bio father only if there has been made an official paternity test by the request of the child's mother (not the husband or the bio father!) AND the husband agrees to letting go of his paternal rights.
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  #40  
Old 12-19-2013, 07:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Nadya View Post
In some jurisdictions the husband is always the legal father, no matter who the bio father is. And in some jurisdictions the paternity can be changed in favor of the bio father only if there has been made an official paternity test by the request of the child's mother (not the husband or the bio father!) AND the husband agrees to letting go of his paternal rights.
That's against human rights and the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. Not saying it isn't true, just that it violates the child's right to a family.
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