Reasons to break up?
Embarrassed about all the problems I'm having but I need to vent/ ask for advice somewhere. So thank you for reading.
My husband and I had been planning for over a year to get pregnant. Finally I'm pregnant and I am very happy about it. However there are issues I am having with my secondary. Because I conceived around the time I started having sex with him he is 90% sure it's his and keeps telling me about how if it's his kid he's going to do all these things, he wants to be on the birth certificate, he wants the baby to have same last name as him. And if I don't let him have those things he'll take me to court or he says that I would be taking away his only hope of having a family.
Here's the thing, we've only been together 2 months.
He got upset when I told him I recently got a fertility test for my husband, to make sure he could have kids, and he was positive. My secondary was upset because he thought I wanted it to be my husbands kid more than I wanted it to be his. First of all, yes I do because we have been planning for it.
So with all this going on I think it should be easy to decide to break up with him. And I've tried telling him this relationship isn't going to work. Especially since he doesn't like my husband. But then he brings up why I should stay with him and I don't know what to say because I agree with him on most things.
1. we shouldn't break up because he can take care of me and he really loves me.
2. Because he cares about me he has spent a lot of money on me, even though most of it I didn't ask for
3. He is absolutely and completely committed to this relationship
4. It could be his kid and if so he wants to be in the child's life, otherwise when the baby is born he'll get a court order for a DNA test
5. My husband isn't good enough for me and hasn't been very nice to him
6. I can't take care of this baby without him
7. If I break up with him he'll be so heart broken he will move far away and I won't see him again except for legal reasons if it is his kid
I actually have a counter argument to all these things and I really do care about him and I don't want to see him hurt. But the problem is when I tell him he doesn't listen, he gets very upset and tells me all the bad things that are going to happen if I leave him and then bags me not to break up. He pushes me into promising we won't break up, and I promise because I'm afraid of him blaming all his hurt on me and then taking it out on me. I can't break up with him because when I try he calls me a liar for promising not to break up and places all the blame and guilt for his pain on me. He tells me all the things he's done for me because he cares, like taking me to the hospital and paying out of pocket for the bill, even though I didn't ask him to and kept telling him to give me the bill. I feel like he's pushing for all these reasons not to break as if though he wants me to be afraid of breaking up.
Should I feel this much guilt? I'm so afraid of breaking up with him because he might take me to court if it is his kid. And ya, he makes a lot of money and could take care of me and the kid more financially but that doesn't mean my husband is an unfit father and that I can't take care of my own child.
Is this an abusive relationship. How can I get out of it? Is there any chance of making it work? I wouldn't mind taking time to work things out with him but I'm 2 months pregnant and can't have this control in my life. My husband keeps telling me I should break up with him because he's worried that he will try to control the family, control me, and make life miserable for our family. But I don't feel strong enough because every time i try I end up crying so bad I can't speak, and then he tells me he'll do anything for me and I am to weak to tell him to leave.
|family, husband, pregnant, relationship, secondary|