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  #131  
Old 11-03-2013, 06:40 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I have to agree with that. Just because you're submissive to your dom doesn't mean complete strangers have any right to be dominant towards you. They're your equal and your dom's equal at the same time, because there are no agreed BDSM dynamics at play when it's random people, or even friends you're just not involved with that way.

It bothers me when people meet a dom and a sub, and think they have the right to disrespect the sub. Shows what kind of people they are, really.
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  #132  
Old 11-20-2013, 01:10 PM
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LovingRadiance - that's a good point and something to keep in mind. If he wants it a certain way, it should be that certain way, but if he doesn't have a preference, that's fine too.

I do have something of a tendency to be pedantic regarding BDSM things just because I've been reading/researching it for the last 15-20 years, and he's just starting to explore something he's not all that familiar with (as far as the history, the terminology, etc) and so I tend to try to correct him probably more than I should. (It's just, he naturally behaves like a dominant with me, ie, if he tells me something, he expects me to obey.) So, like I said to SchrodingersCat, I'm a little bit at a loss when I want to label something and he's not real keen on the label because it doesn't necessarily mean the same thing to him that it means to me. But, then, not keen doesn't really translate into 'don't do it' for him. So... I guess I'll just keep using Dom since he doesn't mind, until or unless he decides otherwise.

To both LovingRadiance and Tonberry - that is an issue I have, acting submissive when it isn't necessarily warranted. And lately, not acting submissive enough when it is warranted. But that's another topic.
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  #133  
Old 11-30-2013, 07:47 AM
SparklePony SparklePony is offline
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Silly side terminology...

Say you're married and have a partner outside of wedlock.
You're spouse's parents are your "inlaws"
Which makes you're partner's parents your "outlaws" hehe!

Not that you would ever call them that to their faces...or that parents really need to know what's going on...but somehow even my 87 year old grandma instinctively knows to introduce my man as my "friend" and not my "boyfriend."

We mostly use "friend" or "partner" in public because we work together and we try to separate our private and professional lives ("partner" often takes on the sense of business partner and since we're in the entertainment business it's better for business if audiences think that both single).

However I'm not fond of "partner" on a personal level because I want something that's not so neutral, I want to expresses my femininity and his masculinity. We never use "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" because to us those terms implied exclusivity. Also if we're out at a bar and he's trying to flirt with a pretty girl and someone swings up and accidentally calls me his "girlfriend" then pretty girl gets all confused and is afraid to flirt back...

Haven't really found the best labels yet. Some that don't really apply to me but that may be fun:

Flame
Steady
Beau
Valentine
Beloved
Dear
Amor
Darling
King/Prince
Queen/Princess
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  #134  
Old 11-30-2013, 08:00 AM
SparklePony SparklePony is offline
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Oh and I've noticed a lot of mixed feelings to the whole "primary" / "secondary" usage. Most of the consensus being that people don't like referring to anyone as "secondary", but that the labels are indeed useful in describing the technicalities of the relationship...

I would find it helpful to think of "primary" and "secondary" as describing the RELATIONSHIP, not the PEOPLE.

When two people have intimate feelings for eachother, a third entity is created that is separate from the two individuals. When 3 people are in a relationship there are two, perhaps three of these 3rd entities. Practically one may be given more importance over the other. This does not mean that one person is given more importance than another, just that that relationship, that 3rd entity, is given priority.

In all areas of life, knowing your priorities is important. Is your health a priority? Is your work a priority? Both are important and part of your overall happiness, but you want to arrange your life so your health is not going to get in the way of your work and vice versa.
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  #135  
Old 11-30-2013, 10:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklePony View Post
Oh and I've noticed a lot of mixed feelings to the whole "primary" / "secondary" usage. Most of the consensus being that people don't like referring to anyone as "secondary", but that the labels are indeed useful in describing the technicalities of the relationship...

I would find it helpful to think of "primary" and "secondary" as describing the RELATIONSHIP, not the PEOPLE.

When two people have intimate feelings for eachother, a third entity is created that is separate from the two individuals. When 3 people are in a relationship there are two, perhaps three of these 3rd entities. Practically one may be given more importance over the other. This does not mean that one person is given more importance than another, just that that relationship, that 3rd entity, is given priority.

In all areas of life, knowing your priorities is important. Is your health a priority? Is your work a priority? Both are important and part of your overall happiness, but you want to arrange your life so your health is not going to get in the way of your work and vice versa.
I think it's more than being about 'priorities' for me.~

I just don't desire a schedule in my love life, I have enough schedules and rules with my job in the military: it's nice to just come home from that to the opposite of that with every one just doing what they feel.~

Love,

ColorsWolf
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  #136  
Old 12-08-2013, 02:59 PM
JustUs JustUs is offline
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My wife and I consider her other partner her boyfriend. I also consider him as an actual friend as well.
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  #137  
Old 12-17-2013, 12:48 AM
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Oldpolyman Oldpolyman is offline
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Default My wives!

It's always been my wives, unless I was dating one then it was gf, but since we've been out it's wives, and they call me their husband!
Btw, it sort of ticks me off, I can call the ladies my gf's, mistresses, even my purple dinosaurs and nobody gets excited, but if I move the letters around and call them my wives, ppl around us go insane.
>
Quote:
Originally Posted by Danny40179 View Post
It's always been the wife and gf when I introduce people. But we're moving into "these are my wives." It's amusing to watch people's faces as they realize I'm not joking. LOL
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  #138  
Old 12-17-2013, 07:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oldpolyman View Post
It's always been my wives, unless I was dating one then it was gf, but since we've been out it's wives, and they call me their husband!
Btw, it sort of ticks me off, I can call the ladies my gf's, mistresses, even my purple dinosaurs and nobody gets excited, but if I move the letters around and call them my wives, ppl around us go insane.
>
Usually whenever people get upset at anything to do with Marriage at all of OTHER people, it is because they themselves have a secret desire they are suppressing.~

For example, they might be thinking, "Damn, I really want two Wives, but what would people think of me?" or "I want to Marry a Man, but I'm afraid to admit that since I am a Man myself, what would people think of me?"~

It almost always comes down to, "but what would people think of me?": often people are afraid to be themselves because they are afraid of other people and how they might be treated.~

I call the people that I love and who love me to my "Lovers", because I like that word and I am using it properly.~ Any one who thinks this word automatically has negative connotations no matter who uses it is an ignorant person, an uneducated person, or is a fool to me.~
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Last edited by ColorsWolf; 12-17-2013 at 07:53 PM.
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  #139  
Old 12-18-2013, 01:36 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post
Usually whenever people get upset at anything to do with Marriage at all of OTHER people, it is because they themselves have a secret desire they are suppressing.
Just curious - is your conclusion based on empirical evidence / life experience, or more from reading / research / an intellectual exercise?
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  #140  
Old 12-18-2013, 07:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Just curious - is your conclusion based on empirical evidence / life experience, or more from reading / research / an intellectual exercise?
Just outside observations.~
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