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  #231  
Old 12-02-2013, 07:31 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Lease to be signed Wednesday and move Saturday. Both Lamian and Seven have been bitchy about this whole thing, can't wait to more or less be out of their life.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #232  
Old 12-03-2013, 12:08 AM
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SouthernGal SouthernGal is offline
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Yay! I'm so happy you're getting out soon. Good for you!

I,ve spent all day off and on reading your blog. You've come a long way and deserve some good, healthy happiness in your life. Forget those two. As previously stated, you do what you have to do. Seven and Lamian need to do what they have to do and either take what jobs or extra income they can find, or get a new roommate. Remember, they've frequently showed you how little they were concerned with you. You don't owe them anything but good wishes. You owe yourself a life. You go, girl!
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  #233  
Old 12-03-2013, 05:00 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Today: going to hang out with KB and SP at a discussion on sociopathy.
Tomorrow: Woodsmith and I sign lease and start bringing over boxes.
Thursday: first official date with SB. All I know is chocolate will be involved and to dress nice.
Friday: spend day moving boxes.
Saturday: big move day and show that night.
Sunday: unpack boxes starts.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #234  
Old 12-05-2013, 03:40 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Yay! So much good stuff.
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Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
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  #235  
Old 12-05-2013, 03:50 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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So I know I may be crazy but I've written a note to leave Seven after Woodsmith and I move in the mail slot. There are too many social circles we cross so there needs to be civil abilities.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #236  
Old 12-07-2013, 02:07 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Decided against leaving the note. Writing it was just cathartic for me. And I know I can be civil when our paths crossed and if Seven is unable to do the same that will only speak on him, not me. But I wanted to share the note for you all.

Seven,

I know you may not read this, but I knew you wouldnít read anything else.
When I look back on our relationship (particularly now with eyes that arenít wearing rose colored glasses) there were multiple times both of us should have probably broken up with the other. We didnít, it happens.

I never thought of you as a bad boyfriend, even at the end. Sure, at the end I didnít think of you as a good boyfriend. But I just thought of you as a person who made very poor choices. And as I looked back I realized I made poor ones as well in regards to you.

Probably the two things that were our biggest downfall were regarding time and my standing on my own. As I hope you can tell by now, standing on my own is not something that was difficult for me. You may try to attribute it to the fact that I have a new relationship but I got that new relationship because I was standing on my own. I started planting the seeds of who I was and my strength a few weeks after the break up with you. I wasnít at full strength but I was coming into my own. And the reason that wasnít hard was because Iíve been in that position since January at the latest. But with you it was never shown because you needed the person to lean on you, so I gave that. But time probably made everything that had cracks becoming the gaping holes that are practically impossible to cross now.

You may say I was demanding if that makes you feel better about how things went in our relationship. But in honesty all I did were state my needs and what I was lacking in our relationship. Thatís actually good relationship information. And you would always tell me that that would happen. I donít believe you were trying to lie to me. I think a part of you may have wanted that and early on did believe it could happen (because really, just asking for one day a week that neither were working isnít a lot). I think the problem became when you realized it couldnít (rather from you not wanting it, or it just not being practically possible) instead of saying so, you continued to say that it could happen. Iíll be honest, I would have ended the relationship then, once I knew that. I donít know if that was part of the reason you never told me, but thatís not important. And yes, I got upset when it didnít. Here was a need that had a promise to be met and wasnít.

I understand from Lamian my note on hating pushed you over the edge to becoming that wanting to cause me violence feeling that you had. I guess part of that is because you really didnít pay attention to the words and instead felt it was an attack on you. What that was, was the acknowledgement of my lack of strength when with you. I so wanted things to work out between us that every time an event happened that I should have walked away from our relationship, I didnít. So yes I hated myself. Each time in retrospect because I wasnít taking care of myself. The actions you did may have placed me in those positions but it was my inaction that I hated. I didnít blame you, I blamed myself because I wasnít using my strength.

I also know you feel I replaced you (or at least you did). But I didnít. Moving on with life makes that impossible. I didnít start a relationship to block out any thoughts of you or the relationship I had with you. Hell, in fact our relationship made me put up so many blockades and boundaries to try and prevent myself from getting into one. At first because I didnít feel ready and then after I was because I didnít want to shove anything in your face (hence why I rarely talked about it if you were home, he never came around, and any postings I made in regards to our relationship on Fet or FB were after you unfriended me on both). I will say I learned a lot from my relationship with you. Both in what I want from a partner and what I want from a metamour. And I thank you for that. Being with you will make me a better person for him. And a better person for Woodsmith. In fact in regards to Woodsmith, our relationship has gotten better since you and I fell apart.

At my core, Iím not demanding and Iím not an emotional black hole. At your core, you arenít a liar or someone with sociopathic tendencies. But together we were. Both to each other and to others around us that we cared about. Would we and they have been better if we realized these issues earlier? Probably, but you canít change the past, only learn and move on from it.
I realized, probably around the time of the horror movie party, that we wonít have a friendship again. Your desire to have that scorched earth policy and just wipe everything away would make it impossible. But even if that wasnít the case Iím tired of trying. Cause I did try, but putting forth effort for someone who doesnít give anything back is exhausting and draining. And I donít need that in my life. If you ever feel like you can provide that youíll know how to find me. All I ask and hope for now is civility. Our paths intersect too much because of our social circles. The performer world, ren faire, burner events (Iíll still you the space for the meet and greets, I donít go to things like Interfuse or Artica or the dream of burning man for the connection to the people, but the spiritual connection for myself), and other are places our social circles will collide. I donít want drama there so like I said, I all ask for is civility. If that entails ignoring my presence, thatís fine.

I wish you luck on your journey. I hope with Lamian and everyone else that crosses your life you find joy with them. Because at your core, you are good and do deserve it.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #237  
Old 12-09-2013, 05:42 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Date was awesome. Show went really well (even with a wardrobe malfunction). Moving going nicely. No internet or tv at home until Friday so no updates (unless something major) till then.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #238  
Old 12-15-2013, 03:48 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Have internet again.

Thursday went to my first public play party with SB, KB, NT, and SP. Learned a few things. A public play party at a strip club has too much going on for me to enjoy myself. Play, strippers, an annoying MC... just too much.

Ended up getting somewhat grounded when we walked away from the play area (just to get away from part of the overflow). Also felt that I would probably be okay having service to think on when there but would be unable to play.

Friday I was supposed to perform but my orthopedist decided I needed my first cortisone shot in each knee. So instead Woodsmith and I went to the munch that night. Got to see a lot of people.

Picked out a sectional that Woodsmith's parents are going to get and then KB and NT came over to see the place and meet the new kittens (Kisses and Marilynn).

Tomorrow Woodsmith and I are going over to hang out with SB, KB, NT, and SP and watch American Horror Story.

Hoping to get another date in with SB before the holidays and talk about the negotiations on establishing our power exchange aspect of the relationship. And maybe all of us figure out when we want to exchange Christmas presents.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #239  
Old 12-16-2013, 02:16 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Yesterday was the first day Woodsmith got to actually hang out with SB, KB, NT, and SP outside of a munch setting all together (since the day before KB and NT came over). It went really well. So YAY.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #240  
Old 12-16-2013, 07:57 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Yay for new relationships going well! And I'm so glad for you that you guys moved out of that toxic home.

Cheers to new beginnings
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- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy), and his 9-year-old son Kiddo
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