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Old 12-15-2013, 05:35 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 265
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Thanks for the words of support Wildflowers.

Lots of good ideas about questions and how and what to ask.
I think I know most of the answers. He has discussed before that his wife thinks he is a porn addict, he told me watches mornings and nights. He says he has a higher than average libido, masturbates twice a day. I have no issue with this, webcam chats, IM or whatever he enjoys. My big question is why the need to lie in an open relationship? And I think I know the answer to that too, because it's exciting, he likes the attention and being sneaky is fun.

My usual reaction to unsuccessful relationships is to dump the idiot in question and not think twice about it again. I have only been dumped once, I have done all the breaking up.

However, as I have written before, I am taking a good hard look at myself and what are probably attachments issues. Meaning I don't attach easily or quickly.

Kip has partly been an experiment in trying to attach emotionally and while we have had brief "I love you's " I am not really upset by this at all. And I think I should be. Shocked at the lies but not heart sore.
I was a little upset back in August when I thought we were breaking up but even then I could have moved on very quickly.

I have thought about dumping Prof on many an occasion, did once and have put it out there a few times. Yo got dumped 3 times, Rugby guy didn't last long.

I was even messing with OKC again, rejigging my profile. While on the subject, guess who messaged me? My pics were down as I wanted to put up new ones. ROFLMAO.
Even as I think about the OKC part, I am surprised at myself. Shouldn't there be some period of mourning for an over year long relationship?

I am ready to move and have been for a while. My parenting agreement prohibits me from leaving the county with the kids but I have been looking at moving to the further limits.

I have moved every 5-6 years since I was a child, major moves, different countries usually. This is the longest I have ever lived in one place and it is only because I can't legally get out. I also need to wait till I finish the intern part of my program, so stuck here at least until the summer next year at the earliest.

It suits my minimal attachment style. Leaving is never sad for me, it is a new start.

I am burned out with relationships, friends, lovers, colleagues and yearn to go back to being new and anonymous. It is preferable to leave then deal with relationships.

So, I feel I must deal with Kip, not just disappear. I am trying to reverse this pattern of walking away from tough relationship situations without looking at the whys and my part in the failure.

I will call my counselor that I saw during the marriage break up. I am not sure if I am a bit old and stuck in my ways at this point, but I am open to learning.
I am also making an appointment with my ob/gyn, for testing. Will call in the morning.
__________________
Me: 40s female
Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.
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