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  #21  
Old 04-02-2010, 09:21 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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Default Almost 2 weeks...

So, it's been almost two weeks with no contact between me and Elric except one short email to him basically saying that what sucks most about not being friends on FB is that I can't TP his barn on FarmVille. If you don't play any of the games there, you may not get the reference, but basically it was just a friendly little note, no whining, weeping, wailing, "miss you's" (technically) or any of that. Just a Happy April Fools Day and watch out for the pranksters.

Except now, after almost two weeks, I'm wondering why we are really doing this. I know that a part of it is to "prove" that I am truly done with wanting a relationship more than friendship, but how does us not being FB friends and not communicating at all prove anything? I suppose if you look at it from a "can she follow through" POV, ok... but this just seems silly. I've actually seen him online more these last two weeks since he turned one of his other IM accounts on again (which he hadn't been using for the last month or so).

I am willing to continue with this, but I am starting to wonder the purpose. Is he truly getting anything out of this? I don't feel that I am as I thought I would. I really think that my turning point was after our Saturday chat and before he unfriended me that first time. I reacted strongly because I thought we were finally getting on the same page and I was finally happy with where we were and where we were headed, then poof!

Anyway, I guess I'm saying that I miss my friend. I miss hearing about his daughter and how his life is going. Just typical friend things really. I'm not having "withdrawals" from our chats like I used to when we first started chatting; it's more of just a general ache when you miss a good friend. I like that that is the extent of how I am feeling. It's reassuring that I'm finally where I need to be emotionally in order to have a platonic friendship with him.

I would love for him to make the first move and either friend me or email/text/IM me to see how I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure he won't, at least not for a month or so, because he is unsure of how I might react or if it will set me back again. Sure, part of the reason is because it would be nice for some confirmation that he and I are ok and that he is not upset with me anymore, maybe even that he believes that I am OK now. But part is also because I can't back down now from what I said, no matter how silly and senseless this seems to me now. So other than a text for Easter and a message as to when I'll be having my c-section, that's probably all the communication we will have for the next couple months...and it sucks.

So, that's where I am at right now. I'll keep y'all posted.
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  #22  
Old 04-02-2010, 10:37 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I thought you two re-friended each other already.

I can't keep up with all this.
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  #23  
Old 04-02-2010, 11:40 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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lol, that's ok Ygirl. Life is a rollercoaster and sometimes it is hard to keep up with the turns and rises and falls. Actually it's more like a soap opera.

We had refriended basically for a day because what he thought was helping, him unfriending me to give me a boost to my proposed decision, ended up throwing me for a complete loop as I had no idea why he did it. We talked a bit, but as it was during his work day we couldn't talk a lot. I then sent him an email that night confirming that ok, let's do this. We both seemed to "need time" and so I/we agreed to a hiatus from FB friend stuff but not email, text or other IM until after my baby was born. So we are currently on that break.

Kinda clarify?
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  #24  
Old 04-12-2010, 03:08 PM
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This little girl is happier than a tornado in a trailer park (love that line!)

So, in essence I made the first move. Elric and another mutual friend "friended" each other on FB and since I had been such a good girl lately I thought I'd take a peek at his profile and see if he had gotten the new job or added pics of his daughter. What I saw worried me and so I took the chance and asked if everything was ok.

We talked a bit that first night and he actually thanked me for asking, then last night I sent him a YouTube video, basically a hang on you aren't alone type of song, and also a link to a project I was working on with him in mind (he's thinking of starting his own business) and the resulting reply was a friend request telling me that he's missed me and how I always seem to know what to say to get his head on straight or at least make him smile.

So we are friends again and it feels good. I have a smile on my face and a smile in my heart and no doubts or reservations in the slightest. Damn it feels good. I'd say we are finally back to normal, but our normal really hasn't been that healthy so I'll just say, we are finally back and life seems good.

The rollercoaster is soaring high, hopefully it can stay that way for a while if not permanently.
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  #25  
Old 04-14-2010, 11:29 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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Copied from another thread to keep from derailing that thread...hope the mods don't mind the semi-double post.

sucky, sucky and more sucky. I found out this afternoon that I do indeed have Gestational Diabetes to go with my high blood pressure which could eventually turn into preclampsia (again). I didn't have the GD last time, just the preclampsia. So now I have to start going to a new dr. and find out if I have to do insulin or if diet will be enough. To top it off, Cajun is on a plane right now to NC for work and won't be back until late tomorrow night (maybe not even early Friday morning depending on flight delays and crap). My first apt and class is Friday and in order for him to go, which I know when I do get to tell him tonight he will want to go to, means he would have to take basically the entire day off of work and I don't think he'll be able to do that easily. Right now I just wish I had my wonderful supportive Cajun to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. I'm not too worried, but this really is not a good thing. Not only is baby and I at higher risk then before, but now I am also at a higher risk of developing full blown diabetes later and I really don't want to have to deal with that. I like my Mommy Dew!!! and the diet and sugar free stuff sucks beyond belief!
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  #26  
Old 05-26-2010, 02:21 AM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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So it's been awhile since I've updated my "blog" here and I don't like being on the second page either.

Still coming to my own realizations and understandings when it comes to Elric. We are doing really well in our friendship although we don't talk as much as I would like, once a week maybe. But he did just start a new job which is great and hopefully will boost his confidence and self-esteem again.

Me... I am finding that I still love him as much as I did last year (wow we are coming up on a full year of this, in fact yesterday would be our "one year") and I still would love to have more than just the platonic relationship that we have, but I am ok with not pursuing it. Maybe this is what Mono meant before when he said that "It's a matter of getting passed the physical methods of sharing that love..."

I'm not sure where I'm heading with this, maybe just to put down the thoughts that have been in my brain the last few weeks. Just kinda rambling I guess. The hormones make me do it!
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  #27  
Old 05-31-2010, 05:19 AM
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I may be suffering from a slight case of NRE...more details as they come.
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  #28  
Old 06-02-2010, 09:06 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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Yep, definitely getting those NRE hormones ramping thanks to OKC and a Ren Faire costume. lol

I received a message from a gent who was very interested in meeting me and finds me very attractive. We've talked a few times this week, nice long convos, some flirting, a bit of discussing what we are looking for, etc. And now I really want to meet this guy. I've had a smile on my face more this week than I have since the NRE days of Elric and myself.

I don't usually move this fast, chatting to meeting I mean, but something feels good and right. My only reservations are that he has never been in a poly or open relationship, and this may be a rebound for him.

On the positive side again, this could be good for Cajun and I as this would be another first for us... me dating. And even if this turns out to be just a short term thing, at least we will have more experience and know better what we can handle. If it ends up being more long term...then we will have other things to deal with.

So it looks like Vandalin may be joining the poly ranks again as opposed to just sitting on the sidelines.
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  #29  
Old 06-02-2010, 09:07 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Congrats, enjoy the NRE feeling and dating...
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  #30  
Old 06-04-2010, 09:59 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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I hate NRE. Can't control myself sometimes and get over eager. Well, hopefully we'll see if I scared the guy off soon. At least this time is was only short lived and not almost a year worth of emotional turmoil.

*edit to add rant and thoughts...
Here's the problem. When something like this happens, where you are having a great conversation and are starting to plan getting together and he suddenly vanishes from the conversation and you don't hear from him in two days yet see him popping on and off line again, if I am more upset with him for not letting me know what's going on or at myself for for getting paranoid or interested so quickly.

I mean we were in the middle of figuring out where to meet and there were no indications that something was wrong, then poof, he's logged off. Technical error is possible as he didn't come on again that night. But the next day I see him on and off both his OKC and Gmail accounts and I sent an IM once or twice, really only once or twice, and received nothing back. No reply, no message. I sent a message last night with a location but wanted his feedback for when (for obvious reasons) and I even went out on a limb and left my number... no reply, again.

So am I being paranoid thinking that he's now avoiding me for some reason unknown to me when in fact he's just been really busy and hasn't had the time to write back, or did he "chicken out" and either doesn't feel the need to say, "sorry not interested anymore" or just doesn't know what to say to me.

Over analyze much? So when I say I hate NRE, I suppose I mean that I hate when NRE lets me down or builds me up too high. Bah...too much time on my hands and not enough brain numbing activities to occupy it. lol
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Life is about the journey and not the destination,
so what better way to know life
than to wander all the roads and paths set before you.

Last edited by vandalin; 06-04-2010 at 11:39 PM.
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