What Do You Tell People?

[JaneQSmythe]

I'm married - so most people assume that I am straight and monogamous and I don't get asked about it much. That being said:

We are not "out" except to friends. But Dude lives with us, which is common knowledge to immediate family (who likely suspect closer to the truth ), acquaintances, and coworkers.

Depending on circumstances I will refer to Dude as "our friend" or "our roommate". (My FWBs are usually "friend" or "girlfriend" - which people tend to take in the platonic sense...their error, not mine.)

Even at THAT I sometimes get incredulous looks from people...apparently married women aren't "supposed" to go to lunch or movies, etc. with male "friends" (although I also do these things with actual male friends who aren't my boyfriend ) AND, in our area at least, professional 30-something married people are not supposed to have "roommates" either (that is something that poor college students or city people do ).

I don't "date" per se - so the answer to that would be "no" - but nobody ever asks...because I am married.

[nycindie]

I generally just say something like, "Yeah, there are a few guys I'm seeing," or simply, "I date." Because that's what I do - date, see a few guys. For marital status on forms, I choose "Separated" if that is one of the options, because that's what I am. I don't often bother with long explanations unless it's someone I'm close to or friendly with and it's appropriate to the conversation.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe

Even at THAT I sometimes get incredulous looks from people...apparently married women aren't "supposed" to go to lunch or movies, etc. with male "friends" (although I also do these things with actual male friends who aren't my boyfriend ) AND, in our area at least, professional 30-something married people are not supposed to have "roommates" either (that is something that poor college students or city people do ).

This made me smile. My coworkers have mentioned multiple times that the way certain male friends of mine (we are JUST friends - some with benefits ) behave towards me - bringing me food to work when I forget, fixing things around my house, making me meals, etc. - would be signs that I'm having sex "if I were single." No consideration that it could mean that for me because I'm married. I feel no need to "come out" at work (even though the signs are all there and some have probably figured it out, and a couple of on OKC which worried me at first for some reason, so some of them may know) but I do make comments about how married people have sex, too, whenever they say that kind of stuff.

In our area, a lot of 30-something married people have roommates, though, so if that ever happens I don't anticipate an increase in weird looks or comments.

What do I tell people? Nothing, really. I use people's names, not their relationship to me (in most cases) when I'm telling stories. I only say "friend" if that person is JUST a friend (with or without benefits). Since I'm married, I don't get asked if I'm dating.