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Old 12-10-2013, 04:42 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,344

Perhaps the devil is in the details? What's the difference between this situation and when my partner tells a person he's dating that he doesn't have the time to develop a relationship into the "partner" stage, and that they'll need to grab the time they can, around each others' schedules?

He's not telling her that M1 or I are limiting him, but in reality, his schedules with us (and work, and his daughter) will limit his time to develop any new relationships. In his particular case, it didn't work, but they tried and both had enough schedule constraints that it wasn't going to be feasible.

BoH may not need to tell anyone new that "my BF has said that weekends are his" but instead say "weekends are unavailable". Will that be enough for someone new? Maybe not. But it's honest, and it's not passing blame to her BF. And if it becomes "not enough" then maybe BoH and her BF can negotiate?
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 6 years.
Spinner: 52/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 47/F, Chops' partner of 6 years
Curls: 50/F, Chops' partner of 1 year

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
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Old 12-10-2013, 05:17 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by bagofhearts View Post
My promising what? That my weekends will be for him only? And then I will let him down in the future when I find an additional person that I want to spend time on the weekends with?
This is a legit point. You can say "I'll always make time for you", and that's something you can, in fact, hold yourself to. But something about specific days may be much harder to keep. Like, what if you fall for someone who initially is free during the week, but then that person has to take a new job and is also only free on weekends, for example? Best not to commit in advance to specific things that may not be compatible with the basic needs (such as time together) of future relationships.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 12-13-2013, 03:54 AM
bagofhearts bagofhearts is offline
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 9

At this point, I'm taking it as it comes. I still have Friday nights free on the weekends and possibly Sundays if my boyfriend has to work, which he sometimes does. This weekend I am going out with a new potential partner Friday night and then have Saturday night through Monday morning reserved for my boyfriend because he doesn't have to work Sunday like he originally thought.

I'm not saying I know this will work out perfectly long term, but for this week, at least, it's working. Maybe that's naive and short sighted of me, but you never know what can happen.

I guess I'll learn as I go. And as long as I keep being honest with everyone in the process, everyone is given the choice to participate in the scene however they wish.

It's been very helpful to get everyone's input here, so thank you.
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Old 12-13-2013, 11:29 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 838

You know I think you'll be fine, you seem to be taking things in your stride and asking for advice. I think it is fair enough to schedule things this way, at least for now and your bf seems willing to read resources you ask him to read, you know a lot of people wouldn't bother!

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