I'm gonna throw another vote in for laying your feelings on the table. What do you have to gain? A satisfying, open and honest relationship or relationships. What do you have to lose? A situation that's hurting you. Maybe write an email, maybe sit down with both of them, maybe start with just one of them (could be either), but ultimately send this message --
I care about you both. I've developed feelings for one of you. I know that wasn't necessarily the plan. I don't want to hurt your relationship. If this isn't viable for you, I'll step back. If, however, you think this might be workable, let's talk about it. I would want to be treated like a real partner, where I'm free to express my feelings and develop an authentic relationship that has one-on-one time, and don't have to fear getting vetoed because I'm newer. I think it's entirely possible to do that without taking away from what the two of you have now, but only if you're both on board with the idea. If you want to get a better sense of how this might look, there are great resources at www.morethantwo.com
. Again, though, if this isn't for you, just let me know and I'll step back, because I'm your friend first. Feel free to take some time to think about it.