Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old 12-12-2013, 08:38 AM
Bucephalus's Avatar
Bucephalus Bucephalus is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 9
Default A Unicorn's Dilemma

I've recently entered into a new relationship and I don't know what to do about the difference between where I stand and where I want to be.

To be perfectly fair, I don't strictly fit the definition of a unicorn. I currently have 3 partners, two of whom I live with and one who is long distance. I have been with my long-distance partner (henceforth G) for about 5 years now; we got together while we were still living in the same area. However, because G and I rarely get to see each other recently, or even chat online, I had begun in daily life to feel as if I was single.

My other two partners (H and Y) and I began living together about 2 years ago. At the time, I was strictly platonic with them and the two of them were in a monogamous relationship. The three of us have become very close friends. Within the last year, we began a three-way relationship, but I am still unsure of what kinds of relationship it is. H and Y are very close and are obviously in love. In this relationship, I am a bit of a unicorn, with H and Y as the primary couple and myself as their secondary.

I have never been fond of hierarchical relationships, but due to the natural progression of things, it cannot be helped. In terms of love, I don't believe either of them have romantic feelings for me. H and I are sexual partners and friends. Y and I are very close friends, but we only engage in sexual activity together when H is around.

The problem is, I'm starting to develop romantic feelings for H. I haven't told them as I don't want to jeopardize our relationship. Y is a very emotional type, and gets jealous sometimes when H and I do things alone; even though she does encourage us to. I don't want to risk losing her friendship because I am taking things too fast or too far with H. Nor do I want to risk making things awkward with H by letting him know my feelings if he doesn't feel the same about me. But, I am having a hard time holding in my feelings and not letting on. I often feel like the outsider when I am with them, or even a third wheel, and try to stay out of the way when they seem to be doing "couple things." This is particularly hard on me because I feel the need for intimacy with them; but, often times it is denied because of my secondary status and because our relationship is currently non-romantic.

I have talked briefly with G about this, but since we can't talk as much recently, I still feel rather alone in this. I'm relatively new to relationships in general, which just adds to the confusion. Does anyone have advice on what I should do? My current thoughts are to hold back for now, to not rush things, and to see how this relationship naturally progresses. I hold out hope that it will turn romantic, but I have no idea where this road will actually take us.
Reply With Quote
 

Tags
jealousy, triad

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:39 PM.