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Old 12-12-2013, 07:44 AM
gerly gerly is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Question Advice on talk with my husband about opening up

Hi,

I'm a forty year old woman from Germany and I've been married for 5 years now. I have two small kids.

I have been kind of a free spirit all my live and my freedom is very important to me. I never wanted to marry or have kids, but, well, I did in the end, though I sometimes ask myself how i ended up that way...

I have had several long-term relationships and have also been single for three years, which has suited me quite well. I don't mind being alone and it is very important to me to be able to do what I want.

Now, after my children are no longer so very dependent on me, I feel like I want to get some of the freedom of simply being myself back into my life. I love my husband and we still have quite a satisfying sex life, although it has been reduced considerably since the births of the children.

For some time now I have been feeling that i want to explore relationships with other men. As long as I can remember, I have been in love with more than one person at a time, often a friend of my boyfriend or someone similar. I don't know if i want to be in other relationships that are as deep as the one I have with my husband, but I would love to be able to see where being involved with other people, sexually and emotionally, will lead me.

I don't know how my husband will react if I tell him about my wishes. I come from a rural area, where people are rather old-fashioned. And he is, too. I cannot imagine ending the marriage, because I love him and like the way we spend our time together and because I don't want to hurt my children or us. And I don't want to cheat on him, either, because i believe in honesty and I dont't want to hurt him. But I don't know if he will be up to it and i am afraid that it will hurt our relationship if I am open to him about my feelings. And I am afraid what the consequences will be if he tells me that he does not want an open realtionship. I don't know if I can live the way I do right now for the next thirty or forty years...

Maybe anyone has been in a similar situation and can give me advice on how to handle it? What should I say, how can I present my argument? What can I do to discuss this calmly and reasonably whithout getting into a fight?

Thanks for any helpful comments you might share.
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